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I know I just posted this, but writing that made me feel so eerily calm that I got scared for a second, I hear the constant ringing of the night and quiet, the occasional chirps of crickets or other living things I probably don't know about. No music blasting in my eardrums from trying to drown everything to feel functional, just the reassuring sound of snores coming from the room next to mine, my ringlight casting a dim warm light in my room, my blanket feels just as warm it feels silly to have my heater in the room. I feel aware, and I'm loving it.

Please, angels in the four corners of my bed, don't take this feeling away.

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Ways to Shift the Angle || It's all about perspective.

1. Go outside ugly.

No makeup. No cute outfit. Just step out. Feel the wind. Notice the clouds like they’re watching you back. You’re not there to be seen, you’re there to see, aka you're right as a HUMAN.

2. Drink water with dramatic flair.

Pour it into your prettiest glass. Add lemon, cucumber, or mint if you’re extra. Sip it like it’s holy. Because it is. Hydration is a rebuke to the decay.

3. Unfollow the perfect. Follow the real.

Curate your feed like a gallery. If it doesn’t make you dream bigger or breathe deeper, cut it. You become what you consume.

My moto has always been See it, be it.

4. Romanticize something stupid.

Fold laundry like a French film heroine. Wash dishes like you’re in a music video. Make it art. You don’t need permission, you have free will!!!!

5. Make something and let it suck.

Doodle, paint, sing badly, dance worse, write shit poetry and convince yourself you're freaking Edgar Allan Poe. Expression is not a talent contest, it’s your soul stretching its arms. There so many ways to do that.

6. Touch grass... but like, really touch it.

Like fr. Sit with your bare legs on the ground. Let dirt under your nails(you can clean it l8r, it ain't gonna kill you) Be wild. You’re not a screen. You’re skin and blood and thunder.

7. Talk to yourself with tenderness.

You’ve survived every ugly day so far. That deserves softness. Praise yourself out loud like you would your best friend.

8. Write a letter to the girl you’ll be in a year.

Tell her what you hope for. What you’re scared of. What you’re trying. Then seal it. Hide it. Come back to it later and weep at your own growth.

9. Watch a movie you loved at 13.

Feel how it hits different. That’s -perspective- seeing the same story with new eyes, older eyes, wiser eyes.

10. Do something the algorithm doesn’t care about.

Learn to knit. Bake bread (!!!!). Read a dusty book. These aren’t for clout. They’re for soul.

You don’t need a full rebrand. You need a tilt. A reframe. A second glance.

Your life isn’t just a reel of wasted time. It’s a painting in progress. And even the mess matters. Every shade. Every smudge. Every layer.

Perspective is more than a trick of the eye. It’s a rebellion. A soft uprising against despair. It says, yes, this sucks right now, but it’s not the whole story. You are not the rot. You are the artist holding the brush, choosing what to do next.

I don't believe everything happens for a reason. But I do believe in reshaping the meaning of things that happen.

So next time you’re lying there, staring at the ceiling like it holds answers, waiting for a sign, turn the paper. Turn yourself. A few degrees is all it takes.

And suddenly, what looked like the end… is just the start of something strange and beautiful.

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Got the best birthday idea for my best friend (no, I can't laugh, I've got to hold it in 🤭)

She might be stalking me on here, but gaddyum, I'll share it after her birthday so you can see my genius 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

(just watch me fail do anything I planned 🧍🏾‍♀️)

Wish me no procrastination <3

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Beautiful date we have there.

Why is tumblr labelling some of my posts, and others', as mature content, if they have pics in them. None of my pics are explicit in any wayyyyy, or the others I encountered with the same warning.

Doing the whole alphabet, but it's just words I love:

Angelic

Bashful

Cherish

Dreamy

Effluent

Frivolous

Gentle

Heavenly

Illicit

Jammies

Knowingly

Lily

Mumbling

Nimble

Occasionally

Peony

Queerish

Rumple

Sweetness

Trivial

Unfortunately

Vivacious

Wistfully

Xenomania

Yearning

Zeal

Last day of march 2025

April will be for

Getting better at coding

Code my dream site

Take YT and substack seriously

Speed run modelling

Draw at least 3 ocs

what was it all for? 110225

I had a conversation with my aunt today. University came up. And for the first time in years, she said, “You should do what you love. I don’t want you to do something just because other people tell you to. It’s your life.”

And I just sat there. Because what the fuck?

Where was this energy when you told me art is just a hobby? When you told me I had to do architecture because money? When I spent years convincing myself that the thing I loved most in this world wasn’t real enough, wasn’t valuable enough to be my future?

Where was this when I forced myself through physics and math, subjects that drained me, killed my confidence, made me feel stupid and small? Where was this when I spent night after night feeling like a failure because I couldn’t mold myself into what you wanted?

And now, after all that, you’re suddenly saying, “Yeah, do what you love.” Like I didn’t just lose years of my life trying to be something I’m not. Like I didn’t break myself over and over again trying to meet your expectations.

And the worst part? I don’t even think she realizes how much this is fucking me up. How much I hate that she can just say that now, like it’s easy, like it doesn’t matter that I wasted years of my life because I thought I had no choice.

It’s like someone keeping you in a cage your whole life, telling you there’s no way out, telling you it’s for your own good. And then one day, they just open the door and go, “Oh, you can leave if you want.” And you’re standing there, shaking, realizing you could’ve walked out a long time ago.

And now I’m supposed to feel grateful? Relieved?

I don’t. I feel angry. I feel lost. I feel like I want to cry and scream and tear my own skin off because what was it all for?

I could’ve taken art in Year 12. I could’ve gotten A*s. I could’ve been confident in my skills instead of scrambling to prove to myself that I’m not a fucking idiot. I could’ve spent those years thriving instead of suffering.

But no. I had to do physics. I had to do math. I had to sit in classrooms where nothing made sense and watch my grades drop and feel like I was slowly disappearing.

And now you tell me it’s okay, I can do art? NOW?

And what if I do? What if I actually go ahead with it? Is she secretly going to sit there thinking, damn, she should’ve done architecture? Will she be supportive on the surface but secretly waiting for me to fail? To regret it?

Because that’s the thing with African guardians. You never really know what they’re thinking. They’ll say one thing but mean something else. They’ll act like they support you, but in their head, they’re already preparing for the “I told you so.”

And maybe that’s what scares me the most. That no matter what I do, I’ll always feel like I’m on the verge of disappointing them.

I hate this. I hate that I even have to feel this way. I hate that the thing that makes me happiest in the world is the thing that feels like the biggest risk. I hate that I’m still here, questioning myself, wondering if I’m making a mistake just because they made me believe it was one for so long.

And I can’t help but think… if I had been allowed to just be myself from the start, if I had been supported instead of redirected, maybe none of this would even be a question.

apologise for the vent, for souring your scroll, but I feel like I'm at my limit, this has tangled up my brain, and as scary as it sounds I feel hopeless, pointless, I don't fucking know, I don't want to think any more. Fuck.

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I'm watching House and I keep falling in love with this show🫶🏾. Best show everrrr, will defo rewatch once I finish lol, I already miss some episodes😭

Folded my laundry, was supposed to go out but aunty was stuck watching some show the whole day so that was uneventful. I cooked and washed many loads of dishes, I should prolly wash my hair but I'm too lazy to do so :/

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Nothing exciting happened today, just scrolling the communities and daydreaming. Time of the month where I've gotta pay the WiFi but I don't, so I'm using my data :/

I'm gonna try drawing tonight. I don't know what but it's calling me to bring it to life. I should probably read a book too...

OH I FINISHED LUCIFER YEYEYYEE, I loved that show so much! Time to finish Dr House md. I wouldn't have changed the way Lucifer ended, but I'd love a special episode, but I suppose I can do without it.

10/10 show would recommend 🥲🫶🏾.