I Dont Have "resting Bitch Face" My Resting Facial Expression Is Somewhere Between The Prom Scene In

perhaps a comedically large mallet to the head will save me

terrible news for the bitches who hate me, i got my blood test back and i officially don't have lead poisoning.

bitches hate me bc i enjoy a nice glass of cold milk. also unrelated but i might have lead poisoning.

hey, [puts my hand on your shoulder, nods solemnly] get a lip piercing.

The day I learn to :3 irl is the day the whole world bends to my will

i need sam to beat john winchester with a folding chair.

had a dream i tried to recommend a song and everyone laughed at me bc it was 12 minutes long, also someone kissed me on the cheek with such tenderness i awoke with tears in my eyes

An embroidery of the web version of the Merriam-Webster definition of embroidery.

very stereotypical white guy thing to say but i genuinely think i would be significantly happier if i could eat large quantities of mayonnaise without getting sick

my personal enemy and my dentist (seperate people)

Fuck personality tests. Who comes to your mind when I say “Michael”

the m in “medjool date” stands for mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also fun fact apparently medjool dates are fresh fruit not dried which i did not know previous to googling them but probably should’ve based on the fact they’re always in the produce not dried fruits

i dont smoke but man it would make my desire to sit on the edge of gutters and stare directly forward at nothing at 10 pm more socially acceptable if i did