Fear Foods

Tonight I broke my diet and I ended up purging. I feel numb and empty. I haven't purged since I was 19 years old. I'm 23 now. I purged up so much my head aches and I the trash bag I used weighed so much. All I kept thinking was that I WILL get these 40lbs off of me. I will, I will and I will.

I played some of my favorite music to ease my anxiety while purging. I feel awkward 😕 I can't believe I'm purging again....

Skipped lunch today. Took a melatonin pill 5mg when I got back from grocery shopping after work 😴. I slept from 10am all the way till 6pm.

0 calories for me. Still at 474.

I had a dream I was eating cheesy pizza then I woke up scared that I had gone way over my calorie intake. The pizza was so darn vivid and juicy. Fuck

I think I'll have some tea instead before I head to work. Now that I awoke I'm not that hungry just thristy.

I'm already at 830 calories yikes! All because I ate some of my coworkers food. So the plan for today is to FAST untill 12am the following morning.

Rules for fast-

Take vitamins and supplements

Sip plenty of water

Sip plenty of low cal tea 🍵 sweetened with splenda

Diet soda is allowed zero calorie

Take a warm shower to get my mind off food

Take a long nap

Binge watch YouTube

If I can manage this fast I will stay at 830 calories. Still alot but at least I didn't consume more calories. At this point I'll take what I can get

1 mug of vanilla chai tea with splenda 0 cal

This is my first time trying Coffee-Mate zero sugar coffee creamer and it's a pumpkin spice version and it is only 15 calories per tablespoon! I am super shocked how good it tastes. So for now on I'll be buying the zero sugar kind for my coffee creamer. The second one I have is a terrainy salted caramel sugar-free kind which has zero calories and that too is also pretty good. I'm tempted to toss out all my other high calorie coffee creamers and coffee syrups but that's a waste of money so I'll just budget my calories accordingly and next time I'll just buy the sugar-free kind

Today I am going to fast once again for 24 hrs. All I will allow myself to have is water, some vitamins and a nice hot shower. And I get to binge watch YouTube!

My fast will start at 7am and ends at 7am tomorrow morning. When I go home tomorrow morning I'll have soup and some veggies.

The clock starts now!!!!