Diana: I Made A Trap That Will Rip The Very Skin Off A Man The Moment He Enters A Room! Let Call Ardyn!

Get out of the Haunted Mansion Fyodor!

Based on this post by @iwanttohugsigma because above everything, I'm a shitposter

How anime girls be standing when talking to the main character

Mc: Why do you send letters that say “I hope this letter finds you before I do”?

Vere: I find it fun to make them paranoid

Will this get flagged?

Dante: Verge you kinda remind me of Darth Vader from Star Wars. You know why?

Vergil: Because I am seen as the most feared man in both the demon and human world?

Dante: No. because you’re a deadbeat dad that ripped his son’s arm off you inconsiderate asshole.

Nero: FUCK YOU

Touchstarved LIs, on a scale of how much they fuck with you

Mhin: Not ever attempting to fuck with you, and expects the same treatment in return. That stick up their ass is shoved pretty far in, so you're going to need to get pretty close to them before you can start playing around and making jokes. Attempts to fuck with them will likely be met with deadpan stares, unimpressed frowns, disappointed mouth-noises, and/or insults.

Kuras: Not above fucking with you, but always in good humor, and will immediately tell you afterwards when he's joking. A classic "lol jk jk" girlie. I feel like Ais has probably had a bit of a bad influence on him, as he was less likely to fuck with people in the past for no reason (LESS likely, not UNlikely). But he likes to see how people react!

Ais: Loves fucking with you, but mostly in good humor. He will definitely let you walk around thinking something is true and then when you say it he'll be like, "That's not true. Who told you that?" like it wasn't him. The type of person whose kids will believe that Santa is real until like high school because he loves keeping up a bit. Will this put you in danger at some point? It's likely, but that's not necessarily his intention. Will you have a lot of inside jokes? Absolutely.

Vere: Needs to fuck with you to keep things interesting so he's going to do it all the time, often to your detriment. Light gaslighting, but nothing you can't see through with a little squinting. Part of the reason Vere has to mess with people is also because he refuses to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. His legitimate desire and enjoyment combined with his crippling disquiet over true intimacy combine into his specialty "you're not safe around me" cocktail.

Leander: Outwardly at Kuras-levels of fucking with you, but never judge a book by its cover. This guy is literally turning down the lights in your room right now and when you ask him about it he's going to say, "I don't think anything looks any different, lovely." -- that's how much of a bonafide gaslighter he is. He's like... a nice gaslighter, though. His purpose is not to make you feel like shit. He wants you to like him and trust him, while also driving you away from other people, and making you second-guess your decisions and your reality.

Funny and/or creepy things Noctis has said.

I should do more funny creepy dialogue more often.

—

Noctis: Oh my god, my dad is coming. Everyone T-pose!

Ignis: Noct-

Noctis: NOW.

—

Noctis: Goddamnit.

Prompto: What?

Noctis: It’s Monday.

—-

Noctis: In this world, it’s fish or be fished.

Ignis: That doesn’t make sense.

Noctis: Fishes like you shouldn’t speak to fisherman like me!

Ignis: Noct.

Noctis: Begone Fishnis! Fishermoctis is on the hunt for Promfish!

Prompto: I’m confused, amused, and a bit unnerved?

—

Noctis: Since you’re all meat and not fat, does that mean if I cut you into thin slices I would feast for weeks?

Gladiolus: Please get that sword away from me.

—

Noctis: Nyx can I eat your hands?

Nyx: Um, no?

Noctis: Fine, your legs. Not like you need them.

Nyx: Uumm, I do?

Noctis: Fine, Earlobe.

Nyx: N- …let me think.

Crowe/Libertus: Nyx!

Nyx: What?

Noctis: Can I eat it or what?

Nyx: Ye- wait, uh No!

Noctis: Assholes.

—

Noctis: Are finger foods made out of fingers?

Ignis: Please put the knife down.

—

Prompto: So Behemoths eat people, so does that mean we’re eating people when we’re eating Behemoths?

Gladiolus: No.

Noctis: Yes.

Gladiolus: Noct, no.

Noctis: Noct, Yes.

Gladiolus: No damnit!

Ignis: Actually, Noctis is correct.

Gladiolus: What?!

Noctis: Told you.

—-

Noctis: I don’t like eyeballs, tastes too squishy.

Ignis: Please tell me you’re talking about grapes.

Noctis: What else would I be talking about?

Gladiolus: Stop calling them eyeballs.

Noctis: They look like them so no.

Gladiolus: Good grief.

Noctis: Also because Ignis won’t let me have real eyeballs so grapes at the closest thing I can have.

Gladiolus: What?!

Noctis: Give me eyes.

Ignis: Again, no.

—-

Noctis: Ignis is my impulse control, so I’m gonna eat your fingers while he’s gone.

Libertus: I don’t know how I got here but somebody untie me!!

—-

Reblog!

Fyodor: *watching Nikolai torment Sigma for the 4783 rd time* I’m surrounded by idiots.

Fyodor: Well since it’s just the four of us right now, why don’t you all be honest about how you feel about me.

Sigma: I hate you but I want to stay in my casino.

Bram: I hated you then and I hate you now.

Nikolai: I’m struggling between wanting to stab you or fuck you so I may do both.

Fyodor:

Fyodor: Sigma, how high up is that casino again?