Bungo Stray Dogs Incorrect Quotes - Blog Posts

Dazai: *Flips a coin* Heads you kiss me, tails we make out.

Chuuya: *Makes coin float away*

Dazai:

Dazai: Alright, we’re fucking.

Fukuzawa: *holding Ranpo* This is Ranpo. He is intelligent for his age. He doesn’t get along with others but I love him dearly.

Mori: *holding Chuuya* This is Chuuya. He is more behaved than Dazai. I lost Dazai. I don’t know where he went. I think he set a house on fire.

Mori: I think there is something between the two of you.

Chuuya: A knife?

Dazai: A gun?

Mori: Sexual tension.

Sigma: So you were born on April first?

Nikolai: That’s right! April Fool’s Day no less! Probably explains why I’m such a silly guy!

Sigma: I’m starting to think you being born on that day, was the world playing the biggest joke.

Sigma: Why are you like this?!

Nikolai: *Setting up corpses like a child having a tea party* Sigma. We’ve been partners for three years.

Ango: The horrible things you do are starting to make me believe you are the spawn of the devil, Dazai.

Dazai: I mean there was that time I got itchy near a crucifix…

Ango:….

Oda: That was when you had bed bugs.

Sigma: *drops a cookie* Fuck me…

Nikolai: *pops head through portal* On it!

Sigma: *screams*

Nikolai: You know I’m best at magic in bed~

Fyodor: *excited*

*ten minutes later*

Nikolai: *cuts open a corpse* Is this your card?

Fyodor: This is not what I was expecting on Valentine’s Day!

Atsushi: Akutagawa! I got you some chocolates! I thought you would like them.

Akutagawa: I don’t want chocolates from you! *throws them in the river*

Atsushi: I could have had them!

Akutagawa: *looking at the chocolates then back at him*

Atsushi: You did want those, didn’t you?

Akutagawa: *nods*

Fyodor: I have been meaning to talk to you alone, Nikolai.

Nikolai: That’s great! I’ve been meaning to have a chat alone with you too!

Sigma: *walks by* Keep it in your pants, both of you!

Ranpo: There’s this cafe that’s been selling a special limited time cake. But every time I get there, it’s sold out.

Poe: Don’t worry Ranpo. I bought the cafe for you. Now you can have that cake on demand any time you want!

Ranpo:

Dazai: Thanks for the Valentine’s Day gift Chuuya!

Chuuya: I didn’t give you shit!

Dazai: What’s this then? *holds up knife*

Chuuya: I stabbed you! Why did you take it out!?

Dazai: Oh you Casanova you.

Chuuya: You’re delusional from blood loss or something!?

Dazai: Wow, you’re so short. You want me to put a few inches in you, slug?

Chuuya: How is half an inch gonna help me?

*Chuuya holding injured Dazai in his arms*

Dazai: How sweet. The princess was saved by a dwarf in a stupid hat.

Chuuya: *Drops Dazai into the harbor* Oh no I dropped the princess.

Poe: I had a nightmare that I murdered you and stuffed your body under the floorboards. Then I began to descend into madness as I began hearing the sound of your heartbeat growing louder and louder with each second!

Ranpo: You idiot. Why would you stuff a body under the floorboards?

(Happy birthday Poe)

Sigma: Nikolai you are a very talented individual. You seem to bring laughter to others that are not your victims. So if you ever plan on finding a new job that isn’t for killing, I would gladly hire you.

Nikolai: So are we fucking or not?

Sigma: What?

Nikolai: ARE WE DOING THE SEX OR NOT!?

Sigma: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Dazai: *Flips a coin* Heads you kiss me, tails we make out.

Chuuya: *Makes coin float away*

Dazai:

Dazai: Alright, we’re fucking.

*Dead Apple*

Dazai: It’s not gonna suck itself, you know.

Chuuya: That’s it! I’m taking my chances fighting my own ability!

Dazai: I’m sorry. Who are you again?

Verlaine: Your future brother-in-law

Chuuya: The fuck you are!

Atsushi: Got any resolutions Akutagawa?

Akutagawa: Yes, two. Finally kill you and get Dazai to notice me.

Atsushi: ….Mine was to be able to pay rent on time and eat more chazuke…

Dazai: To the new year! I’m going to finally die this year!

Chuuya: Stop making promises you don’t intend to keep! You’re getting my hopes up!

Dazai: Sit on his lap and feel him get hard.

Atsushi: You leave those mall Santa’s alone!

Nikolai: Uh oh look who got caught under the mistletoe.

Sigma: IS THIS WHY YOU CORNERED ME?!

Sigma: If Santa were real, neither of would be on the nice list.

Fyodor: Actually Santa has my name carved in marble from all the crimes I’ve committed.

Nikolai: Forget coal. Santa’s coming down the chimney for me with a shotgun after what I just did.

Chuuya: How do we wake him up?

Dazai: True love’s kiss!

Chuuya: What?

Dazai: I kiss him and he wakes up.

Sigma: *Sits up* I’m awake! Don’t kiss me!

Fyodor: I have a feeling I have upset you in some way, Nikolai.

Nikolai: *Holding a gun to Fyodor’s head* Actually this is me flirting.

Nikolai: *Texting* Come on. One night with me. I can introduce you to so many kinks~<3

Sigma: *Texting* WRONG PERSON! I AM NOT FYODOR!

Nikolai: Who said this was for Fyodor? ;D

Nikolai: I’ve been good this year.

Sigma: You kidnapped and killed political figures. Stabbed an orphan in the leg multiple times. Drugged me. Then broke into a prison to stage a break out only because you wanted to kill Fyodor.

Nikolai:

Nikolai: I helped stop those thieves at that theme park.

Sigma: *On the phone* Come get your clown!

Fyodor: Actually he is your clown. I forged your signature on a marriage certificate for him last night.

Sigma:

Fyodor: Congratulations Mr. Gogol. I wish you two the best.

Fyodor: Why do I need to renew my ID? I’m still the same person.

Sigma: *Saw his past and power* Don’t fucking lie!