Thinking About The Powerful Yans Who Don't Take You Straight Away. The Ones Who Watch You; Every Movement

Warning: angst | a little ooc (?) | reader's death |

Why?

Why do dare you...? After this everything what's he done. After everyone who became hurt for his selfish ambitions...

You still love him. Still care about him.

— I love you, Otto...

This phrase bounded around his head and haven't wanted leave from here. He even waked up drench in cold sweat with this words in his brain. He could understand this when you didn't know his past and... his crimes. His sins and blood on his hands.

But even you know this...

— I love you, Otto...

Shut up! Stop say this empty words!

Every cruelty from his hands... every lives who died untimely in the name his sick ambition and whim... and you still care about him!?

Fool...

— You're fool, if you really still love me... — he whispered pointing the gun at your forehead. Every screams of your companions missed his ears. He only looked at your eyes, to see any signs of disgust or, though, signs of fear in your gaze. But he didn't see any from this things.

— Thank you, Otto. Thank you, that I see your face as my last thing...

You're not only fool – you're insane too. Even more than him...

After this your words, everyone could hear sound of shot. Your dead body slumped against his body.

He did, what he want. He showed you, as he could be cruel. That your love for him was absolutely foolish. He should felt good after this...

But... he have one question now...

Why? Why it hurt him so much?

— YOU'RE SO DIVINE, YOU'RE IN YOUR PRIME

RECEIVERS。sugar daddy!nikolai gogol x fem!reader

WISHCARD。nikolai as your sugar daddy... with a little sweet twist! ♡

BOUQUET。n/sfw 18+, dark content, manipulation, age gap (nikolai's in 30s, reader's in 20s), power imbalance, choking

PRICE。approx. 2.2k

FREEGIFT。you (ari abdul), bathroom (montell fish)

ﾟ･✿ヾ meeting Nikolai is an unexpected event. he looks youthful, despite being in his thirties. his luxuries are subtle—he never mentions his job but you know it pays him well when you notice the brand of his shirt, his leather jacket, his sunglasses, his watch, his shoes, his pants. his fashion is classic yet he looks rich. as someone in their twenties, you surely would be interested with such possessions.

“Another?” Nikolai asks. His voice is sultry as he offers to buy you more and more drinks for the night. He doesn't even mind telling the bartender to add your glasses to his tab and he even encourages you to try the most expensive drink.

“Uhm...” you are a bit unsure. It would feel like you're digging the fuck out of his money, especially when this is the very first night you met this man. Nikolai however laughs, holding your hand to reassure you that his pocket won't drain just because of a couple more glasses.

Your heart beats fast when you feel the cold of his rings. You should have pulled away—it's dangerous. But instead, your fingers are twitching to trace every vein threading his hand.

ﾟ･✿ヾ he is a big tease. he knows the cues in your body language—your interest and eagerness to know him better, to be closer, to cross the border of just being acquaintances. but Nikolai wants more than just normality. he loves challenges and having fun. and certainly, he loves having his fun with an adorable freak.

You feel reluctant to leave the club without even getting any contact with the man you have been chatting with for hours, sharing subtle yet desiring touches. Your fingers still feel the coldness of his skin and you can still fantasise his hand on your thigh, lightly squeezing and caressing you.

Telling your friends to wait, you rush back inside, avoiding crowds and uninviting touches. The seats at the bar where you two were sitting are empty. You look around, trying to seek Nikolai again, hoping he is still around for a small talk. But your effort is futile. The night is still wild with neons and music.

As you just want to leave, mourning your lost chance, a strong arm slithers around your waist. A familiar chuckle shatters beside your ear and you can smell a burning cigarette. You turn, seeing the older man you yearn for the whole night smirking down at you.

He takes his cigarette off his lips before resting it between yours. You take a little drag of it and as you pull it away, letting the smoke leave your lips, Nikolai disappears once again. You turn, seeing no sight of him. In confusion, you look at the cigarette. On its white, there's a number.

ﾟ･✿ヾ contacting him is your everyday routine. it starts with innocent messages and calls—“how are you?” “have you eaten today?” “how does my outfit look?”—and it evolves to suggestive ones. him asking to see your nightwear, you sharing screenshots of the bags and dresses you wish to possess, him asking for nudes and you sharing shots in skimpy lingerie.

“This looks pretty, don't you think?” you ask him through the video call. You are out to buy some fast fashion items to go to a party this weekend. Unfortunately, Nikolai couldn't accompany you.

“The black one?” Nikolai asks, occasionally glancing to the other side as his hand is jotting something on a paper with a red pen. Despite how busy he seems, he does pay attention to your shopping matters. “How much is it?”

“Oh, it's...” you look at the black purse that you have been eyeing for the past ten minutes. You look at the price tag and you round up the cents. “It's like seventy-five dollars.”

Your phone pings and a notification appears at the top of the screen—Nikolai transferred $500!

ﾟ･✿ヾ you and Nikolai never declare your relationship. it just happens very naturally. he knows what you want and you are content with his attention. when you hear the stories your friends have with their sugar daddies, you wonder why Nikolai still does not ask for more than nudes and sexy photos from you. every time on a date, he just wants you to look pretty for him.

You're spending the night in his apartment, trying various silky dresses to match his suit for a socialite gathering he said he should attend tomorrow. You play dress-up in front of his mirror as he sits at the edge of the bed, legs spread, watching you contently.

“I like this one, what do you think?” you turn to him, posing to show him the garment. Nikolai just hums approvingly, smirking at the sight of your bare back in his view. He twirls his finger, gesturing to you to make a twirl for him. So you do, twirling like a princess in a garden.

“Hm, pretty. You look absolutely gorgeous. Why don't you try another? They're all gonna be yours anyway.” Nikolai says, pushing slightly another three dresses you have yet to try. Your eyes sparkle, looking at the beautiful expensive dresses that will be yours regardless.

But being aware of the nature of your relationship with him, you approach him shyly, sitting on his lap casually. The man only smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. His palm rests on your bum, pulling you closer to his crotch.

“How should I please you, sir?” you whisper sensually right by his ear, kissing his neck so lightly that he only hums. Your maroon nails knead his hair, careful to not tug his braid. Your lips travel from his neck to his jaw before you kiss his lips shortly, only making Nikolai smile slyly.

“Just look pretty, baby,” he smirks. “You just need to look pretty for me. Come on, up and go dress another one, princess.”

ﾟ･✿ヾ going to a gathering as his partner feels like a reward. he does not treat you like an escort. when he notices you lightly shiver from the cold, he offers his coat. when he sees you are slightly adjusting your footing, he knows you need to sit and he sits with you. instead of carrying your own purse, Nikolai would gladly hold it for you. and when you are too bored while he is stuck in a conversation, he will excuse you two and bring you around to tell you stuff that might interest you. and most importantly, after all of that, he just gives you his card, giving you full access to buy whatever you want as your reward for today. he treats you as he would if you were his lover.

You may have overestimated how the rich eat. Small portions, big prices. You do not really want to look like you have never been into this kind of setting, but the meals are not satisfying for you at all. Not to mention, after walking around accompanying Nikolai, your feet feel sore.

“You okay?” Nikolai asks softly. He sits beside you, refusing to sit across. He says it feels nicer to have you closer to him. You only nod slowly but Nikolai is very observant when it comes to you. He calls the waiter, ordering a dessert. You turn to him, only for him to grin. “Desserts can make people happy.”

You chuckle a bit at his comment. As you eat the dessert, Nikolai only treats you the sweetest. Playing with your cheek, your dress and even caressing your thigh. He seems to have a hard time saying sweet nothings to you—“You're so beautiful tonight,” “You behave so well for me today,” “I'd treat you the world, baby,” “Never ever leave me, darling,”—It almost makes you forget the real relationship you two have.

ﾟ･✿ヾ maybe it's just one of his tactics to drive you to desperation but you certainly feel quite guilty for not doing the usual sugar-baby things to him back. he always spends and spends more for you. you purposely dress sexily beneath your sweater for him, you give him suggestive photos when he doesn't even ask, and you offer to pleasure him after he treated you hundreds worth of luxuries. when he finally allows you to ride him dumb, you feel too accomplished in life.

“Stupid face,” Nikolai chuckles as he seizes your jaw. Your hips are grinding hard on his cock, buried deeply in your tight cunt. You moan highly when he thrusts up suddenly, pushing his cock deeper.

Your hands clench the fabric of his tight-fitted turtleneck. He only lets his cock out and you do all the work. It arouses both you and him, seeing your reflection of you being half-naked while he's fully clothed. In your cleavage, there is a crumple of cash notes.

“Fuck...! Oh, gosh, you feel s'good..!” you whine when Nikolai pushes you to lie on your back on the bed as he thrusts into you, hard and fast. Your throat can barely hold the whimpers, filling his room with your sinful voice and his deep moans.

“Ha— your face is just so fucking pretty, malyshka. Should've fucked you back in the club, huh?” Nikolai snickers, seeing your face. Your tits are jiggling in your bra, spilling out the cash from its confine. His large hand travels to your pussy, rubbing your sensitive clit, making your legs tense up and wrap around his waist. Eyes shut, hands gripping his broad shoulders, your insides clench his girth and Nikolai curses out breathily, laughing softly at the warmth of your cunt.

As his other hand roam around your naked body that is scattered with the cash notes, you feel cold metal poking your skin. Up, up, up, it trails to enter your lips. Slightly gagging, your eyes slowly open, only to be met with a gun in your mouth.

ﾟ･✿ヾ it is getting weirder with your sugar daddy. not only he asks for your cunt whenever he's bored now, but he also makes you do bidding for him, such as delivering a package. you are about to protest cutely, hoping your doe eyes and pouty lips can melt his heart. of course, after he shoves his cock into your throat and transfers you another hundred of money, you have to do what he says. he is your daddy after all.

You are lying on the couch of his house, with nothing but panties and his shirt on, your eyes are focused on the television that is showing the news. Hands frozen, eyes widened, lips parted. You feel awfully familiar with this particular news.

News about a bombed car. The victim's identity is revealed to the screen. And you knew well who it was. It was the man you met this afternoon to give a package from Nikolai.

Your heart is beating fast. There's no way the package is the cause of the explosion, right?

You swallow hard, feeling nervous and uneasy. As you try to calm your heart, a hand wraps itself around your throat, slightly tightening its grip. You choke slightly and suddenly your head is pulled back, causing you to see Nikolai who has been standing behind you. He is smiling, very very very mysteriously. His hand is hard around your throat that you feel it's getting harder to breathe. Your lips are parted as you let out a broken whimper of being choked.

A few hundred notes are inserted into your drooling mouth before the grip around your neck loosens, allowing you to suck oxygen back into your lungs. Nikolai laughs, almost sounds sadistic, as he leaves you on the couch, struggling to breathe with money in your mouth.

ﾟ･✿ヾ you may never know who or what Nikolai actually is, and perhaps it's better for you that way. though, escape is no more of an option.

You have made yourself promise him to look sexy in his bed tonight. With white lingerie and stockings, you splay yourself on his bed, playing with the new phone he just bought for you the other day. When you hear the front door being opened, you immediately get up, grabbing his dress shirt to drape over your body.

“Welcome back—”

Your words are stuck in your throat as you see Nikolai's shirt smeared with blood and his hands are stained crimson, your lips are shut close as you step back. Nikolai blinks, seeming to be surprised you are here. He looks to the wall where he has hung his calendar.

“Oh, dearly. It seems I have forgotten.” he gasps. “What a blunder! Apologies, baby. You must have been shocked, aren't you? Woah, me oh my! A terrible, terrible mistakes! Now, how should I, a great clown, fool this situation out?” he giggles. His elegance is gone, only replaced by an eccentricity. With his stained hand, he turns the lock on the door.

“What—”

You have no time to react when Nikolai quickly gets to you, gripping your arm. His eyes are gleaming with a different kind of excitement. He slips his hand into his pocket before he takes out a few crumpled notes. He then slips the notes into your bra—“Hush money,” he says.

“No—” you try to take out the cash but Nikolai grabs your other wrist before he pulls you into his room. His sinister giggle echoes, sending shivers down your spine.

“I've already got you where I want. Now, shut your pretty mouth, alright? I got this.”

©cherikolya 2023 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

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words to use when writing

Appetite:

craving, demand, gluttony, greed, hunger, inclination, insatiable, longing, lust, passion, ravenousness, relish, taste, thirst, urge, voracity, weakness, willingness, yearning, ardor, dedication, desire, devotion, enthusiasm, excitement, fervor, horny, intensity, keenness, wholeheartedness, zeal

Arouse:

agitate, awaken, electrify, enliven, excite, entice, foment, goad, incite, inflame, instigate, kindle, provoke, rally, rouse, spark, stimulate, stir, thrill, waken, warm, whet, attract, charm, coax, fire up, fuel, heat up, lure, produce, stir up, tantalize, tease, tempt, thrum, torment, wind up, work up

Assault:

attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation, ambush, assail, barrage, bombard, bombardment, crackdown, wound

Beautiful: 

admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime, attractive, beguiling, captivating, enchanting, engaging, enthralling, eye-catching, fetching, fine, fine-looking, good-looking, handsome, inviting, lovely, mesmeric, mesmerizing, pretty, rakish, refined, striking, tantalizing, tempting

Brutal:

atrocious, barbarous, bloodthirsty, callous, cruel, feral, ferocious, hard, harsh, heartless, inhuman, merciless, murderous, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, terrible, unmerciful, vicious, bestial, brute, brutish, cold-blooded, fierce, gory, nasty, rancorous, sadistic, uncompromising, unfeeling, unforgiving, unpitying, violent, wild

Burly:

able-bodied, athletic, beefy, big, brawny, broad-shouldered, bulky, dense, enormous, great, hard, hardy, hearty, heavily built, heavy, hefty, huge, husky, immense, large, massive, muscular, mighty, outsized, oversized, powerful, powerfully built, prodigious, robust, solid, stalwart, stocky, stout, strapping, strong, strongly built, sturdy, thick, thickset, tough, well-built, well-developed

Carnal:

animalistic, bodily, impure, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lustful, physical, prurient, salacious, sensuous, voluptuous, vulgar, wanton, , coarse, crude, dirty, raunchy, rough, unclean

Dangerous:

alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked, acute, damaging, deadly, death-defying, deathly, destructive, detrimental, explosive, grave, harmful, hazardous, injurious, lethal, life-threatening, noxious, poisonous, risky, severe, terrifying, toxic, unsafe, unstable, venomous

Dark:

atrocious, corrupt, forbidding, foul, infernal, midnight, morbid, ominous, sinful, sinister, somber, threatening, twilight, vile, wicked, abject, alarming, appalling, baleful, bizarre, bleak, bloodcurdling, boding evil, chilling, cold, condemned, creepy, damned, daunting, demented, desolate, dire, dismal, disturbing, doomed, dour, dread, dreary, dusk, eerie, fear, fearsome, frightening, ghastly, ghostly, ghoulish, gloom, gloomy, grave, grim, grisly, gruesome, hair-raising, haunted, hideous, hopeless, horrendous, horrible, horrid, horrific, horrifying, horror, ill-fated, ill-omened, ill-starred, inauspicious, inhospitable, looming, lost, macabre, malice, malignant, menacing, murky, mysterious, night, panic, pessimistic, petrifying, scary, shadows, shadowy, shade, shady, shocking, soul-destroying, sour, spine-chilling, spine-tingling, strange, terrifying, uncanny, unearthly, unlucky, unnatural, unnerving, weird, wretched

Delicious:

enticing, exquisite, luscious, lush, rich, savory, sweet, tasty, tempting, appetizing, delectable, flavorsome, full of flavor, juicy, lip-smacking, mouth-watering, piquant, relish, ripe, salty, spicy, scrummy, scrumptious, succulent, tangy, tart, tasty, yummy, zesty

Ecstasy:

delectation, delirium, elation, euphoria, fervor, frenzy, joy, rapture, transport, bliss, excitement, happiness, heaven, high, paradise, rhapsody, thrill, blissful, delighted, elated, extremely happy, in raptures (of delight), in seventh heaven, jubilant, on cloud nine, overexcited, overjoyed, rapturous, thrilled

Ecstatic:

delirious, enraptured, euphoric, fervent, frenzied, joyous, transported, wild

Erotic:

amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, voluptuous, tantalizing

Gasp:

catch of breath, choke, gulp, heave, inhale, pant, puff, snort, wheeze, huff, rasp, sharp intake of air, short of breath, struggle for breath, swallow, winded 

Heated:

ardent, avid, excited, fervent, fervid, fierce, fiery, frenzied, furious, impassioned, intense, passionate, raging, scalding, scorched, stormy, tempestuous, vehement, violent, ablaze, aflame, all-consuming, blazing, blistering, burning, crazed, explosive, febrile, feverish, fired up, flaming, flushed, frantic, hot, hot-blooded, impatient, incensed, maddening, obsessed, possessed, randy, searing, sizzling, smoldering, sweltering, torrid, turbulent, volatile, worked up, zealous

Hunger:

appetite, ache, craving, gluttony, greed, longing, lust, mania, mouth-watering, ravenous, voracious, want, yearning, thirst

Hungry:

avid, carnivorous, covetous, craving, eager, greedy, hungered, rapacious, ravenous, starved, unsatisfied, voracious, avaricious, desirous, famished, grasping, insatiable, keen, longing, predatory, ravening, starving, thirsty, wanting

Intense:

forceful, severe, passionate, acute, agonizing, ardent, anxious, biting, bitter, burning, close, consuming, cutting, deep, eager, earnest, excessive, exquisite, extreme, fervent, fervid, fierce, forcible, great, harsh, impassioned, keen, marked, piercing, powerful, profound, severe, sharp, strong, vehement, violent, vivid, vigorous

Liquid:

damp, cream, creamy, dripping, ichorous, juicy, moist, luscious, melted, moist, pulpy, sappy, soaking, solvent, sopping, succulent, viscous, wet / aqueous, broth, elixir, extract, flux, juice, liquor, nectar, sap, sauce, secretion, solution, vitae, awash, moisture, boggy, dewy, drenched, drip, drop, droplet, drowning, flood, flooded, flowing, fountain, jewel, leaky, milky, overflowing, saturated, slick, slippery, soaked, sodden, soggy, stream, swamp, tear, teardrop, torrent, waterlogged, watery, weeping

Lithe:

agile, lean, pliant, slight, spare, sinewy, slender, supple, deft, fit, flexible, lanky, leggy, limber, lissom, lissome, nimble, sinuous, skinny, sleek, slender, slim, svelte, trim, thin, willowy, wiry

Moan:

beef, cry, gripe, grouse, grumble, lament, lamentation, plaint, sob, wail, whine, bemoan, bewail, carp, deplore, grieve, gripe, grouse, grumble, keen, lament, sigh, sob, wail, whine, mewl

Moving:

(exciting,) affecting, effective  arousing, awakening, breathless, dynamic, eloquent, emotional, emotive, expressive, fecund, far-out, felt in gut, grabbed by, gripping, heartbreaking, heartrending, impelling, impressive, inspirational, meaningful, mind-bending, mind-blowing, motivating, persuasive, poignant, propelling, provoking, quickening, rallying, rousing, significant, stimulating, simulative, stirring, stunning, touching, awe-inspiring, energizing, exhilarating, fascinating, heart pounding, heart stopping, inspiring, riveting, thrilling

Need:

compulsion, demand, desperate, devoir, extremity, impatient longing, must, urge, urgency / desire, appetite, avid, burn, craving, eagerness, fascination, greed, hunger, insatiable, longing, lust, taste, thirst, voracious, want, yearning, ache, addiction, aspiration, desire, fever, fixation, hankering, hope, impulse, inclination, infatuation, itch, obsession, passion, pining, wish, yen

Pain: 

ache, afflict, affliction, agony, agonize, anguish, bite, burn, chafe, distress, fever, grief, hurt, inflame, laceration, misery, pang, punish, sting, suffering, tenderness, throb, throe, torment, torture, smart

Painful:

aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting, angry, bleeding, bloody, bruised, cutting, hurting, injured, irritated, prickly, skinned, smarting, sore, stinging, unbearable, uncomfortable, upsetting, wounded

Perverted: 

aberrant, abnormal, corrupt, debased, debauched, defiling, depraved, deviant, monstrous, tainted, twisted, vicious, warped, wicked, abhorrent, base, decadent, degenerate, degrading, dirty, disgusting, dissipated, dissolute, distasteful, hedonistic, immodest, immoral, indecent, indulgent, licentious, nasty, profligate, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, shameful, shameless, sickening, sinful, smutty, sordid, unscrupulous, vile 

Pleasurable:

charming, gratifying, luscious, satisfying, savory, agreeable, delicious, delightful, enjoyable, nice, pleasant, pleasing, soothing, succulent

Pleasure:

bliss, delight, gluttony, gratification, relish, satisfaction, thrill, adventure, amusement, buzz, contentment, delight, desire, ecstasy, enjoyment, excitement, fun, happiness, harmony, heaven, joy, kick, liking, paradise, seventh heaven 

Rapacious:

avaricious, ferocious, furious, greedy, predatory, ravening, ravenous, savage, voracious, aggressive, gluttonous, grasping, insatiable, marauding, plundering

Rapture:

bliss, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, glory, gratification, passion, pleasure, floating, unbridled joy

Rigid:

adamant, austere, definite, determined, exact, firm, hard, rigorous, solid, stern, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding, concrete, fixed, harsh, immovable, inflexible, obstinate, resolute, resolved, severe, steadfast, steady, stiff, strong, strict, stubborn, taut, tense, tight, tough, unbending, unchangeable, unwavering

Sudden:

abrupt, accelerated, acute, fast, flashing, fleeting, hasty, headlong, hurried, immediate, impetuous, impulsive, quick, quickening, rapid, rash, rushing, swift, brash, brisk, brusque, instant, instantaneous, out of the blue, reckless, rushed, sharp, spontaneous, urgent, without warning

Thrust:

(forward) advance, drive, forge, impetus, impulsion, lunge, momentum, onslaught, poke, pressure, prod, propulsion, punch, push, shove, power, proceed, progress, propel

(push hard) assail, assault, attack, bear down, buck, drive, force, heave, impale, impel, jab, lunge, plunge, press, pound, prod, ram, shove, stab, transfix, urge, bang, burrow, cram, gouge, jam, pierce, punch, slam, spear, spike, stick

Thunder-struck:

amazed, astonished, aghast, astounded, awestruck, confounded, dazed, dazed, dismayed, overwhelmed, shocked, staggered, startled, stunned, gob-smacked, bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, horrified, incredulous, surprised, taken aback 

Torment:

agony, anguish, hurt, misery, pain, punishment, suffering, afflict, angst, conflict, distress, grief, heartache, misfortune, nightmare, persecute, plague, sorrow, strife, tease, test, trial, tribulation, torture, turmoil, vex, woe

Touch:

(physical) - blow, brush, caress, collide, come together, contact, converge, crash, cuddle, embrace, feel, feel up, finger, fondle, frisk, glance, glide, graze, grope, handle, hit, hug, impact, join, junction, kiss, lick, line, manipulate, march, massage, meet, nudge, palm, partake, pat, paw, peck, pet, pinch, probe, push, reach, rub, scratch, skim, slide, smooth, strike, stroke, suck, sweep, tag, tap, taste, thumb, tickle, tip, touching, toy, bite, bump, burrow, buss, bury, circle, claw, clean, clutch, cover, creep, crush, cup, curl, delve, dig, drag, draw, ease, edge, fiddle with, flick, flit, fumble, grind, grip, grub, hold, huddle, knead, lap, lave, lay a hand on, maneuver, manhandle, mash, mold, muzzle, neck, nestle, nibble, nip, nuzzle, outline, play, polish, press, pull, rasp, ravish, ream, rim, run, scoop, scrabble, scrape, scrub, shave, shift, shunt, skate, slip, slither, smack, snake, snuggle, soothe, spank, splay, spread, squeeze, stretch, swipe, tangle, tease, thump, tongue, trace, trail, tunnel twiddle, twirl, twist, tug, work, wrap 

(mental) - communicate, examine, inspect, perception, scrutinize

Wet:

bathe, bleed, burst, cascade, course, cover, cream, damp, dampen, deluge, dip, douse, drench, dribble, drip, drizzle, drool, drop, drown, dunk, erupt, flood, flow, gush, immerse, issue, jet, leach, leak, moisten, ooze, overflow, permeate, plunge, pour, rain, rinse, run, salivate, saturate, secrete, seep, shower, shoot, slaver, slobber, slop, slosh, sluice, spill, soak, souse, spew, spit, splash, splatter, spout, spray, sprinkle, spurt, squirt, steep, stream, submerge, surge, swab, swamp, swill, swim, trickle, wash, water

Wicked:

abominable, amoral, atrocious, awful, base, barbarous, dangerous, debased, depraved, distressing, dreadful, evil, fearful, fiendish, fierce, foul, heartless, hazardous, heinous, immoral, indecent, intense, mean, nasty, naughty, nefarious, offensive, profane, scandalous, severe, shameful, shameless, sinful, terrible, unholy, vicious, vile, villainous, wayward, bad, criminal, cruel, deplorable, despicable, devious, ill-intentioned, impious, impish, iniquitous, irreverent, loathsome, Machiavellian, mad, malevolent, malicious, merciless, mischievous, monstrous, perverse, ruthless, spiteful, uncaring, unkind, unscrupulous, vindictive, virulent, wretched

Writhe: 

agonize, bend, jerk, recoil, lurch, plunge, slither, squirm, struggle, suffer, thrash, thresh, twist, wiggle, wriggle, angle, arc, bow, buck, coil, contort, convulse, curl, curve, fidget, fight, flex, go into spasm, grind, heave, jiggle, jolt, kick, rear, reel, ripple, resist, roll, lash, lash out, screw up, shake, shift, slide, spasm, stir, strain, stretch, surge, swell, swivel, thrust, turn violently, tussle, twitch, undulate, warp, worm, wrench, wrestle, yank 

Hi if anyone needs me I'll be busy sobbing tears of joy over this custom Mepphy amigurumi I got from Nanoami on Etsy (Go check them out, they do excellent work and take custom orders of anime/game characters! I found out about them like 7 years ago when I bought a 91 Days Avilio doll from them)

His cloak comes off, his hat comes off, he's everything. I know I make dolls but sometimes I deserve a treat too

Do you think you could expand more on your Otto ramble? :3

You'd never be safe from his prying eyes or ears. He could set up cameras and microphones in your home and install a GPS tracking chip in the back of your neck without you even noticing.

That is, all assuming that he hasn't already moved you into his home yet.

If you're a Valkyrie/work for Schicksal, don't be surprised when you're suddenly barred from going on missions and are "promoted" to be his personal assistant who does nothing but paperwork all day and follows him around to meetings and announces his daily schedule.

Otto collects items that you've used, anything to get his hands on a source of your DNA. Things like your used toothbrush, a piece of chewed up gum, your pen that has your fingerprints on it, a lock of hair, and of course - the "Holy Relic" as he calls it - your used undergarments.

Anyways, Otto is a fucking loser and drinks jizz out of solo cups and that's all that has to be said about him.

— BUT WHEN YOU PULL THE TRIGGER, IT FEELS SO RIGHT

RECEIVERS。stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader

WISHCARD。He is just watching quietly and does nothing other than keep his eyes still. He is enjoying the sight—you look very his, just existing, standing still like a good baby doll, like you are fucking his, in his room, in his place—“You look so mine.”

BOUQUET。stalker au, 18+ content, dark content, harsh languages, dubious consent, heavy depictions of violence and blood, limbs mutilation, gun violence, emotional manipulation, toxic relationship, smell fetish/olfactophilia, male masturbation, cunnilingus, obsessive and possessive behaviour, hints of masochism, anxiety struggles, struggling to breathe, mentions of attempted suicide, heavy hints of stockholm syndrome, intentional repetitive words, everyone has fucking issues, dead dove do not eat (please read this add. notes!)

PRICE。approx. 25.2k

FREEGIFT。hit me right (johnny goth), manipulate (mxze, clarei), bathroom (montell fish), skins (the haunting) — spotify playlist

OTHER SHOP。also available in AO3

❝ Sometimes I wish you are the one who kill me. And perhaps by then, I won't feel regretful about it.

I have tried to push myself to the brink of death. But every time—every fucking time—the sight of you, the vision of our future, the moment of our encounter, all appear in my very fucking eyes, as if I'm living through the whole moment before my brain decides that I need to stay alive although my heart tries to keep me dead.

I can't die. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to miss everything I can do with you. I do not want you to leave me. You're killing me and yet you're keeping me alive.

I used to say I would choose my own soul over my happiness. But lately, over the year, I find myself choosing you over anything. You are my death who gives me hell and the angel who gives me heaven. It's almost ridiculous how I still fall no matter how hard I try to isolate myself. I tried, my love, I tried to stay away from you. I tried to not chase over you. That is why I don't pursue you, only watching from afar for a year. But indeed, no matter how long I hold myself, you and your beauty, your face, your attitude, your hobbies, likes, dislikes, kinks, quirks, looks, presence and just your mere existence—they all pull me back to you. I swear, my love, I think God has fated you with me, so I would believe Him again. I think God sent you so I would feel something so strongly after I tried my very hardest to dim my emotions and empathy towards another human being. I used to hate you for that—how dare you!

And hereby, my little dove. I declare to you, from the bottom of my heart, I am hopelessly in love with you. I have envisioned our future together—in Hell and Heaven. I will take your hand every time you appear in my dream before I try to push my body to the brink of death. Run as far as you can and I’ll chase you. Hide as quiet as you can and I'll find you. Love as much as you can and I'll love you more.

I will always be with you.

P/S: I won't tell a soul about anything you have written in your journal. I like reading your experiences, your fantasies, your frustrations and your stories. Perhaps by the time you notice this secret note in your little book, we are already one with death. Ah, this is embarrassing to confess. ❞

― ♧

“Vanilla…”

You sniff slightly Nikolai's jacket that you got from your encounter with him in the haunted escape house. It still has his scent, albeit already fading over time. It has been days since that incident though.

Nikolai still ‘visits’ you. He has gotten so good at hiding himself now. Sometimes you do not see him at the window but then he will give you creepy messages about how you look so beautiful in just your skimpy panties. And then it hits you that he has been watching and he is around. He is just not in your sight.

“Come out if you have balls, bastard.” —you remember that message you gave him when he sent you a picture of yourself cooking. But he refused to leave his hiding and just kept bothering you with messages and pictures.

However, yesterday, he did come out. He appeared, sitting at the dining table with a cup of water. He has made himself too comfortable in your own house.

“What the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?!”

“You called me.”

And what ends up last night is just you bouncing on his cock shamefully.

Bam! — you slam the washer.

“Fuck you if you're watching me!” you shout out to nowhere. Just loud enough so Nikolai would hear you if he is around. You huff before you put away his jacket and start doing your laundry. It has been hard for you to keep doing your chores when all you can think of is your stalker who still wants to play this hide-and-chase game.

After you start the washer, you grab his jacket and look at the material. You know he is rich, somewhat. His accessories and his shirt are just from a luxurious brand. This jacket is also from a brand you recognise. You wonder if his circus business has been spiking up so much lately that he could afford such things.

Or maybe he does have another job. That would explain his criminal talents.

Suddenly you remember the early memories you had with Nikolai. You noticed him. And then you called the police on him, only for him to kill them. You actually did not know the police were killed until you came back to the station to make another report. The police on duty told you the story and it was easy for you to put the puzzles together.

You feel guilty still. You want to believe that you are not the reason for those police to be killed. But…

Ding! — the doorbell rings and you are snapped out of your daydream. You walk out of the laundry room and get to the door as it rings once more. You put Nikolai's jacket on the couch before you walk to the door. You take a peek through the peephole, expecting Nikolai. But surprisingly, it is a man you do not expect. You open the door, just a little.

“Alex?”

Alex smiles at you, but it does not look like a happy smile.

“May I come in?”

― ♧

“I just wanna ask…”

Alex is in your house now. You two are just standing. You hug Nikolai's jacket close to your body, seeking comfort in it. Alex does not look like his usual shy boy persona.

“Is it about what happened in the haunted escape house?” you cut him off before he could even open his mouth. He looks surprised when he hears that but regardless, he nods slowly.

“Can you… tell me everything?” Alex says. You purse your lips. He then looks at you and steps forward. “Please, I need to know.”

“You know enough.”

Alex brushes his hair back and seems to be frustrated. “That man who chased me with a fucking knife stalked me. He stalked me…! And you know him. I deserve to know everything..!” Alex pursues harder, making you flinch as his voice raises a bit. He takes a deep breath.

“Is he your lover?”

“No… No, he's not…”

Alex looks at you, visibly confused. But you remain silent. You do not want to give him the answers to everything. And this is for his own good too.

But this fucking man is insisting.

He grabs your arm, pulling you closer. You become tense as you eye him in caution. He says your name, softly, as if he is trying to reassure you.

“Listen. Listen to me. You can trust me ‘right? Please, just tell me the truth. I care about you. I know it's obvious already that I like you, in a… more romantic way… I do not try to lure you to like me back. I am genuinely worried and care for you. So please, tell me. Was that man your lover, or just someone you happened to sleep with? Who is he actually? Why did he stalk me? What kind of person you're involved with?” Alex demands as his grip on your arm gets tighter. You frown, starting to get frustrated by his action. He then shakes your arm, stepping closer to you until your body is practically brushing against him. You wince, trying to make a distance as you feel really uncomfortable with him right now.

“Let me go!”

“Not until you tell me the truth.”

I can't. I don't want anyone else to get murdered just because of me.

I don't want to put Nikolai in danger too.

Seeming to have failed trying to get his answers, Alex lets you go and sighs softly. He looks down to the floor, solemn. For a second, he glances at you, which makes you wonder if he has made any assumptions for himself.

“…. Can you leave?” you ask slowly. Alex looks surprised and he sighs once more before he backs away to the door. You trail him at a good distance and finally, he steps out of your house. Alex turns his head to you, eyebrows connected as he whispers,

“I promise I’ll help you.”

You say nothing, only looking at him. In the back of your head, a question pops up—something you have found weird for a while but never get the chance to ask it. It would be rude if you ask him now, expecting his honesty while you're also being dishonest to him. But still, you need to know if—

“I never tell anyone about myself that much, only for a selective few like the higher-ups. A friend from a different department in our office has no right to seek the other’s private confidential information,” you speak and Alex stops in his tracks. He eyes you, confused by your sudden change of topic. You press your lips together.

“Alex, how do you know where I live?”

Your eyes are on the ground, scared to look up to the man in front of you. You hear Alex sighs deeply and you glance at him, seeing that he is avoiding you.

“You were drunk, remember? Your friend told me…”

Is that so?

“Oh… Oh, yeah, that… makes sense, I guess,” you mumble. Alex gives you a small smile, nodding as if to affirm his words. But for some reason, your heart is screaming at you, panicked.

“I… I’ll go first… Goodnight… And yeah, I’ll... I will try to help you…” he says before he walks away, almost trying to leave the area as quickly as possible. You close the door and you lock it. You realise your hand has been shaking terribly.

You turn to the window where Nikolai would always be. But it's dark and empty. He is not here tonight.

Paranoia coursing in your head as you roam around your house, locking all the windows and doors. You turn off all lights and run to your room, where it's the safest place for you to be—well, not anymore. Not when Nikolai admitted he did hide in your closet once unnoticed.

“Get out!” you scream at the closed closet, expecting something but unfortunately, nothing happens. Nothing emerges. It's just you and your heavy breathing in your dark room.

“I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine—” the same words are repeated at the tip of your tongue as you try to make your bed and prepare to sleep. You need to sleep. You need to let your consciousness fade away. You need to escape to dream.

You palm your face, trying to calm your heart that is suddenly fearing everything. You sit on your bed, wrapping your whole body under the blanket, curling inside, legs close to the chest as if there's a monster under the bed.

You wonder what you should do in this situation. There is no normality in your life. Everything seems to flip just a bit when Nikolai gets even closer to you, and everything is turned 180° when he starts to involve your coworkers— Gosh, you cannot even call them coworkers because of how different they treat you after the event at the haunted house.

Of course, you did try to pretend everything was fine after you were practically ‘lost’ in the haunted house. You tried to go to work unbothered. But perhaps Julia and her friends have caught onto something.

Their strange looks, their curious mocking smile, their sarcastic remarks.

“Hey~! Do you wanna go to the haunted fair again? I think we want to try more funhouses!”

“Of course you would like to go again right? Who knows if you could find a boyfriend there?”

“Hey, you know, if you have someone you can introduce to us, we’d be happy to celebrate for you.”

You want to ignore their remarks. So for the past week, you ate alone, you left work five minutes early, and you made yourself busy, adding more tasks to your empty to-do list. You wonder what Julia and the others know. You wonder if Alex tells or asks them anything since he is in a completely different department. What did they think about you suddenly having to leave? What did they think about the mysterious jacket you suddenly possessed? What did they think about your messy appearance?

You feel regretful to not think about the consequences before you ran away from the group—just because you needed to escape at that time. It's your fault that this treatment is happening to you. It's your fault that you decided to stop Nikolai like a fucking hero. It's your fault that you wanted to feel that feeling of having friends enjoying your hobby too.

It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault—

“You're crying.”

Your breath hitches. You feel your cheek, wet with tears. You do not even realise you are crying, too drowned in your thoughts. Your face is also a bit sweaty from being under the cover. Hearing his voice, you slowly pull the blanket off your head. Your eyes meet with a pair of mismatched eyes, staring at you deeply.

“What's wrong, my love?”

Nikolai's voice is sultry and soft as his hands reach out to cup your face. He is crouching by your bed. He is wearing black clothes. His porcelain skin and white hair are glowing under the moonlight shining through the window on the wall.

“Tell me? Who made you cry? Why are you crying?” he asks again. You sniff and shake your head, not wanting to tell but your heart betrays you when it becomes so heavy that you start to sob again.

Nikolai frowns, concerned. He gently pulls you to sit up as he sits right beside you on your bed. His chest is heaving slowly and he looks pained. His hands are still warm on your cheeks, thumb wiping your tears. He scoots closer, leaning forward to kiss your forehead as his hands roam to your neck and back, caressing you gently. He whispers sweet nothings to you, assuring you that you can cry to him.

“It's okay, sweetheart. Take your time.”

“It's been hard, isn't it? You’ve done so well, love. You really did.”

“I'm here for you, alright?”

You feel loved.

It is weird to feel loved by a stalker—a murderer, a dangerous person even. It is something more than just a simple crush indeed. He is too intense, too obsessive, and yet he loves you.

And maybe you are smitten by him too. His weird way of affection, his obsession, his craving, his touches, his attention—they are probably the reasons why you find it hard to pull yourself away from his embrace—secured, safe, loved.

I love him too. — your heart admits.

I do not love him. I do not like him. I hate him. I hate him so much. He ruins me. — your head denies.

“Hey,”

You finally look at him. You find it a little surprising to see Nikolai looks like he is in pain. You wipe your tears with your arms, receiving a chuckle from him. “Adorable,” he whispers.

“What's with that face?” you ask, voice hoarse and slow. Nikolai tilts his head, confused. He touches his own face before he laughs a bit.

“I think I am in pain.”

“Y-You got hurt somewhere..?” you ask, eyes scanning his body. Nikolai chuckles before he touches your chin, bringing your face up to his gaze.

“It hurts me to see you're hurting, love.”

How can he be so sympathetic? How can a bad guy like him feel that?

“I saw him,” your eyes widen. Nikolai's gaze turns serious, emitting danger as his voice drops. “Did he make you cry? Did he hurt you? Do you want me to kill him?”

He holds your face. “Just give me your words, dearest.”

You shake your head. “N-No… No, please just… don't do anything bad.”

“You sure?”

“Yes...”

Nikolai is silent. Then he nods too. “Okay. If that's what you want. But, that does not mean I won't though. If he lays a hand on you, I will gift his head to your door.”

“But why though?” he asks shortly after. You wager your answer silently as your fingers fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

“Because it's wrong… and murder is bad.”

“Such a heroic answer. That’s what your head tells you, no?”

You swallow hard, looking at him. He is waiting for a response, so you nod, just once.

“And… what does your heart tell you?” he asks as his finger traces from your collarbone, down to your chest, twirling a circle on your skin. “Does your heart wish the people who wronged you unfortunate? Does it scream death to them and backtrack once you realize, it is wrong to feel so? Do you feel guilty about it?”

Nikolai leans forward, kissing your cheek before he whispers to your ear, “Isn't that caging for you?”

You push him away, just enough to make him pull away his face from you. “W-What’s your point?”

“My point is, if you abandon your morals, maybe you would take my hand right now.”

You look down. You do agree to an extent but still, you wonder if it is the right thing to be with someone like him, knowing that he committed atrocities. Will you be fine, living with the thought of your lover managed to kill a few people because of you?

For a second, you want to ask, why did he fall in love with you anyway? What did he see in you that makes him so hopelessly in love? What is so special with your basic ass that makes him so obsessed?

But your weak heart does not dare to receive any answer regarding that. You are afraid that he would reply with shits like “Because your body is sexy,” “Because your face is cute,” “Because you have the same kinks and fantasies as mine,” —no, no, no you are not ready to hear anything that would crush your already destroyed self-esteem.

Perhaps one day you would ask him—Why do you love me?

“Something in your mind, dear? You starin’ me hard,” he says, shutting your thoughts.

“Just… thinking about something.”

“You ain't telling me?”

“Maybe one day.”

Nikolai's smile widens. He grins. “I’ll wait for that day.”

“You’d wait? What if I take forever to tell you?”

“Then I will still wait.”

He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. “I will always wait for you.”

continue reading in AO3

©cherikolya 2023 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

OMG... thanks everyone, who liked my drabbles. I guess must thanks HSR too... It's probably little for famous writers on Tumblr, but for me is a lot of...

I'm during writing a series of headcanons and a few drabbles (with Welt and Otto mainly).

Please go on more about yandere otto, I’m curious about your thoughts for the rizz loser man (affectionate)

Literally could not care less about what he had to do to have you. I'm halfway both impressed and taken aback by the logical leaps he makes on a minute-to-minute basis. Desperation in human form fr.

Bruh he'd listen to whatever the literal devil told him to do just to get a whiff of the new shampoo in your hair. You think he wouldn't directly kill millions for you?

Gaslight, gatekeep, manipulate, malewife-s his way into your life and refuses to leave no matter what. He could keep you locked in his personal bedroom you'd hate his guts, but it doesn't matter so long as he has you right where he wants you. He would absolutely prefer it if you did like him back, but if you don't he'll just gaslight himself into believing in a fictional version of you that does.

I'd bet my metaphorical left nut that he's programmed a hentai game of you for his own enjoyment. But he's not a pervert, of course. It hurts him to have you think so lowly of him. He's a man of culture, so of course he's made countless other games that aren't about sex, but they all have the two of you either getting into a relationship, being married, going on an infinitely ongoing date, etc.

Though, if I had to choose one, I'd say his favourite one is the one about your "perfect wedding day;" the one where he gets to see you walk down the aisle in the perfect attire, speak your vows, slip on the rings, kiss, and the honeymoon after the dance and banquet. Though if you're actually brave enough to peer into the abyss that is his deranged mind and play his cursed games, you'll notice that there are no other npcs in any of these games, only "you" and him.

Warning: a little ooc (?) | fluffie-smuttie (?) | sugestive

Clouds of steam covered every touchy places, but you was still nervous seeing Otto waiting for you in the bath, half-naked. Only steam and towel on his hips protected you from seeing him in full his naked glory. He gave you warm smile, but in this was something... different. It wasn't the same smile, which he bestowed to you usually, but you felt that his message in this smile was a little bit... ambiguous and heralded something a bit different than only a shared bath.

It's not like that you're shy or... something similar. It's not like that... you don't like it...

You marched with perky step to the edge of bath and after a few moments dipped in warm, relaxing water, joining Otto, who chuckled at your suddenly confident behavior. He bring his body closer to you, and surrounding you warm water instead calming you only intensified the baking and pink coating in your cheeks.

This fucking warm water don't help me...

Otto, despite his closing to you, didn't touch your skin even small finger. He only took a glass of his favourites, red wine and started drink this with undisguised pleasure. You tried didn't staring at his delightful lips and you tried didn't think about his unspoken promises. You blushed more, when your imagination jumped out in a bigger works.

— Are you okey, my dear? — he asked tearing you off from your fantasies.

Perhaps, it's only my imagimation... Perhaps, he's normal, but I add at this second bottom...

Suddenly, his fingers touched your shoulders. Otto's second hand landed at your waist, he asked, this time closer at your ear, again:

— Are you okey, my dear? Can I help you?

You clenched your legs at his words and tone. Sweet of honey for his voice mixed with a little bit lower tone led your mind to strange condition. His fingers still made circles on your shoulder. Second hand moved to your face a full of blush.

— We can relocate to my room and I can help you here. — his voice wasn't nothing bigger than silent, seductive whisper. Your body trembling under his touch, as always when he promised you help in his room.

— Ehhhh... what this help is supposed to be about? — you wanted to your voice was more confident than this, but those hands.

His hands didn't left your skin and body; those finger already touched every your body parts in this moment, sending shakes of pleasure. You really wanted be quite, but how this can possible, when the most handsome man in your life touched your body with almost surgical precision.

— So... how will it be? — his lips touched your earlobe.

Your mind was empty; you stood up to attention, but your towel...

You tried found towel using your gaze and luckily you quickly found it in water. As fast as you found this towel, you tried cover up.

— Hahhahaha... — his laugh bounded the wall of bath. — Don't worry, I already seen your naked body.

It's true... It's even more than true. He already seen you naked, not the first time, and not the last time...

Your mind was messy, and his move as grabbed your hips, didn't help your condition. Obviously, he got up too and towered over your silhouette.

— So... I guess must ask again... — he started but you break his monologue.

— N-no. You d-don't need r-repeat this. A-and y-y-yes... — you swallowed saliva. — I c-c-can go with you to your r-r-room...

— Excellent. — he smiled with a little bit more dark smile, which you already didn't see, because you both leaved bath and headed towards hangers with bathrobes.