Agreed.

Killing a character you don't care about:

Killing a character who genuinely love and put a lot of effort into making:

Hey, I was in the amazing street art show and I I came up with this headcanon in my head...

Nikolai Gogol as street performer who love attention from public. He love audience ovations — so very satisfying even more than money, which he earn from performance. He do this for his own freedom. For freedom from his oppressive and closed to new things family, whose doesn't support his passion. He does it to spite them — just as he takes you from the audience in spite of them and choose you to help in his „new trick”, assuring you that you will be safe in „his strong arms”. Lifting you a few meters wasn't too difficult with his ability like wasn't too difficult impressing the audience, whose rubbed their eyes in amazement.

When hen you were already on the ground, you weren't able to identify why your heart was beating faster — because of stress or because of the handsome artist's gaze...

Meursault aftermath where Nikolai save Fyodor and he take care of him! It's canon btw Fyolai is real

[Read from left to right]

(Something I want the reader to understand is that what Fyodor says in the last 2 slides is not a rationally attained conclusion- but a developing coping mechanism that will manifest as a delusional mindset. The trauma from having accidentally killed people is easier for his brain to survive if it convinces itself that it was somehow the right thing to do and that Fyodor was “meant” to do it. Once I post the next few parts I will explain more in detail.)

All thanks go to Arabella W. for helping me out with the script <3

My phase for this man returns...

He is clown. He is bastard. He is a suspicious and shady type. He is demon. I know that as a demon, he could kill me without a moment's hesitation…

But I still love this clown-demon!

(I guess I have to get off my lazy ass and write something about him…)

Signs You Should Write The Story

1. You can't stop thinking about it

2. It would be exciting and fun to write

3. It's meaningful to you

WRITE THE STORY

For the Yuumori fandom.

We all agree that Milverton is the bitch. But I'll add something from myself - Milverton is the bitch with the most beautiful eyes in the Yuukoku no Moriarty series.

Thanks for reading this.

This is the best reaction image ever. XD

Pinterest is amazing place, by the way.

— LET THE FEAR YOU HAVE FALL AWAY

RECEIVERS。nikolai gogol x fem!reader

WISHCARD。dad!nikolai deserves the happiness 🩷

BOUQUET。fluff, mild angst, babymama!reader, oc kids (yuri, mari, karol), mentions of pregnancy and abortion, focused on nikolai's pov, the setting might be confusing

PRICE。approx. 2.6k

FREEGIFT。say yes to heaven (lana del rey)

CUSTOMER。massive thanks to @quansoda! i really love what we have created and discussed 💞

“What?”

“I'm pregnant...”

You show the pregnancy test that you have put in a small transparent plastic ziplock. Nikolai laughs, shaking his head. He brushes his hair back, and he looks extremely nervous.

“You're joking.”

Your quivering eyes hearing his refusal break him, perhaps, to thousands of pieces. Nikolai could see the realization hit you. You're a smart girl, of course you could read him just as well as how he reads you — he takes you as his other half, after all.

Nikolai is a great lover. He really is. Although morally and ethically, he is not a good person, you are willing enough to keep dancing in his own maze, tangling yourself with him. Nikolai appreciates that — he really does, especially when you're one of the rare people who sees him truly beneath the jokester masquerade he puts on twenty-four seven.

But now, he feels,

angry.

He is not angry with you as much as he is with himself. How does this happen? How did you get pregnant? He's very sure that you two have taken measures before getting intimate. Of course, sometimes you two get carried away — mainly because of his actions, he will admit.

Who else does he want to blame? You? No, this is not right.

I should've known better.

He knows he can't get angry now, but he is. This news makes him frustrated, for his carelessness and his ignorance of the consequence — ah, so much for living freely, huh?

But he could avoid it. This path, this unknown path of fatherhood and family — yes, yes, I can avoid it. If only, the baby...

“Kolya?”

Your sweet voice shakes him out of his inner monologue. He looks at your face — worried about him. Even when you are dealing with something concerning yourself, you always make sure he is alright. Nikolai knows how much you adore him, and he wants to return your love full, and much greater if he could — redamancy.

Your pursed lips and your tender gaze. Your arms are around your belly. That action alone just tells Nikolai that you do wish to keep the baby. You want to have the child. But Nikolai does not. Nikolai is not ready for any of this. He expects less of this.

“Kolya, I...” your words falter as your gaze drops.

Nikolai gets angry again, at himself. He grips his hair, infuriated at how he just thought of trying to make you go through an abortion. If you do not want the baby, sure, he will support it. But in this case, you want to have it.

No, I can't talk to her right now. I can't communicate like this.

“My love.”

You look up at him. Nikolai gives you a soft smile, despite the clear frustration he showcased earlier. He tries his best to keep his voice gentle. He knows he can hurt you if he speaks the wrong way — he learned that from a mistake in the past and he oaths to himself to keep himself sound first before he communicates through this conflict.

He knows how his own emotions can affect you. He is well aware of it all.

“I... I really need some time to think about this. Please, I need—”

“I understand.” you return his smile, nodding. You know how differently Nikolai processes things. He may look silly all the time, but you know what he has been hiding beneath it all. That is why you also take the time to announce this pregnancy — Nikolai would react to this negatively.

Nikolai swallows hard. Your loving gaze is enough for him to know that you're respecting his time. He holds your shoulder, gently leading you to the bed. “I... I want you to rest, okay? Don't move so much. And I will... Uhm, I promise I'll come back to talk about this. I don't think, we should talk now...”

You almost chuckle, finding his confusion about pregnancy adorable — you're still early in pregnancy and yet he's telling you to rest and not move too much. He probably feels lost about this but you don't blame him. Perhaps he grew up without the fatherhood he needed to learn. Perhaps he grew up mainly by himself. Perhaps he learned too much as a child.

Nikolai does not know who to turn to regarding this. He wagers his choice to call a friend from the past, asking for his advice. But now he has left that past of him, trying to reach his freedom in another way, he does not think it is right to ask that person now.

Nikolai feels lost. Him, being a father? What a joke! He finds noisy toddlers annoying. He finds babies weird and slimy. He finds kids to be fun to scare — he used to prank the kids in the neighbourhood before you told him to stop after the kids cried and complained to their parents.

But Nikolai's main unanswered question is — “What am I going to do?”. He does not have experience being a father. His past still haunts him and it still puts you at risk for housing a criminal. That's just you, but what about the kid? Someday, the kid would know what their father did. He knows he can avoid that path by convincing you an abortion or he just agrees to provide you money for the kid if you want to keep the child so badly — co-parenting is normal. Furthermore, the worst he can do is just run away.

Are you going to run away — again?

“No, that's not right.”

Nikolai hates himself for even muttering those words. That's not right — who cares if it's not right? If he wants to prove his free will, he will commit what is not right! To hell with this system that dictates how he should live his life — he chooses his freedom.

And yet, it's not right.

It's not right to rob the wish for motherhood from you. It's not right to leave you alone through this pregnancy that will definitely take a toll on your physical and mental health. It's not right to leave someone he sacrifices his freedom for. It's not right to leave the person who understands him, the person who makes him genuinely happy, the person he enjoys being with.

He knows he will feel regret. He will feel sad if he leaves you. He will feel disappointed and resentful of himself. He hates those emotions.

But happiness is an emotion too. “Over happiness, I choose the freedom of my soul!” — remember?

“It's just the same as choosing between the two devils. One is a lesser devil.” Nikolai thought that deeply. Maybe, rather than being free while overwhelmed by regret, disappointment, frustration and solemnity,

Perhaps it's also fine to be free and happy.

When he confronts you about it, your reaction sparks that feeling again in his heart. The moment you hug him, crying on his chest, Nikolai feels that rush of relief and joy in his whole system. He feels the butterflies in his stomach fluttering again. It hurts, he does not know how to explain it, but it hurts so good. His chest tightens into a bundle of emotions. The smile and the tears you let go when he has decided, just convinces him that maybe, there is a way to his ideals through this bliss.

“I promise we'll get through this together...” you say as you hold his hand, kissing it. Nikolai chuckles, and his usual mischief slowly emerges, very slowly as to not scare the little songbird in front of him.

He does not promise you that he will be the best father. He does not promise you that he will be a good parent. But he does promise to do what he can.

“It's already enough for me, Kolya. I'll hold your hand and we will walk this journey together, alright? We will figure it out.”

It's a lie to say you do not notice how Nikolai feels lost, terrified about this new path he's about to take on. It's a strange new world for him. You know well about his bloody past and you did make yourself blind about it — you see the human in him that he wishes to push away so badly.

So you pull Nikolai that night, holding his face. Gently, you bring his face closer to you. He closes his eyes. Then, your lips touch softly with the scar of his eye, and he breathes slowly yet heavily.

“Fear nothing, my dear, I'll hold you forever.”

Maybe what he feels that night is the closest thing he could describe to freedom.

Even if he closes his eyes for so long, as long as he feels your touch on him, he will gladly stay in slumber.

And it is expected for someone like him to get slightly panic when he opens his eyes, only. for him to see the spot beside him is empty.

Nikolai wakes up immediately. His brain goes fresh and the dream of the past is lingering at the back of his mind. He groans when he sits up too quickly, but he does not mind that when he sees the absence of his wife.

He mutters your name, like a lost child. But really, he feels a bit lost now. Usually, you are hard to wake up early and it becomes an unspoken rule between you two that he will prepare breakfast. He knows how hard you work in your job too, so it's normal for him to take over the work in the house more.

Nikolai gets up from the bed, grabs a shirt he found on the rack and wears it. He looks around and finds a red hairtie. As he walks out of the room, he makes a quick ponytail of his long hair.

The kitchen is noisy with the voices of children. When he reaches there, he can see a girl and a boy standing on the chair, excitedly waiting for their mama.

“Papa!” Mari, his girl, cheerfully greets him. She jumps down from the chair and runs towards Nikolai excitedly. Nikolai grins and crouches, opening his arms to embrace Mari.

“Good morning, malyshka,” he says as Mari hugs him, kissing his cheek. He carries Mari into his arms as he walks to the table, seeing his youngest son, Karol, looking at him with that weird grin. He puts Mari on her chair and looks at Karol.

“Morning, Karol,” Nikolai says, ruffling his hair. Karol raises his arms, making grabby motions for some uppies. Nikolai laughs shortly at his son and carries him up too. Karol holds Nikolai's face — directly putting his tiny hand in the middle of his face and pulls Nikolai closer.

“Mwagh!” he gives Nikolai an open mouth kiss which makes Nikolai look at Karol with a rather, judging face.

“You should learn how to kiss better.”

“Stink!”

“Oh, wow. You little sh—”

“Hm? Good morning, dad.” Yuri, the first son, comes out from the kitchen with a bowl of fruits. Nikolai puts down Karol, giving him a gentle flick on his arm for the stink comment. He turns to Yuri — his second favourite victim to annoy. First is you, obviously.

Yuri, oh, dear Yuri... If only this boy knew how much dilemma his dear parents went through just from the pregnancy news...

“Morning, Yurochka! Already being a good boy, huh?” Nikolai is quick to mess with Yuri's hair. Yuri whines at the chaotic touch of his dad, especially when he is the only one who has showered — he grows up quickly and Nikolai is more than happy to teach him a lot.

“Kolya, don't tease the boy so much.”

Ah, finally.

Finally, that's the voice he waits for.

He looks at you — and, O' Heavens... Nikolai could stare at you forever. You are just gorgeous, with that pair of shorts, the loose tee that actually belonged to him and the messy hair, and it's barely ten in the morning.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

You shoot him a confused look as you put down the jug of cold milk on the table for the kids. You rub your face and chuckle at him. “What beautiful? I haven't showered yet.”

“You're.... always beautiful, always so pretty,” he says, voice slow and dreamy. He looks at you with the softest smile and hazy gaze. “I want to stare at you all night, really.”

You huff a shy giggle. “That sounds stalker-ish. Tsk, tsk.” you pinch his nose lightly, only for him to scrunch his face cutely. “I'll go and make some coffee for us two,” you say before you peck his cheek sweetly.

“Mam! Papa so stink!”

You burst a laugh at Karol's comment while Nikolai only grumbles, dissatisfied. Karol cackles at his dad, raising his cup high. “Papa, zero! Karol, won!”

“Huh? I don't agree with any competition!”

“Big words! No, no, no!”

“Karol, be quiet and give me your cup.” Yuri scolds lightly and Karol coos sadly as he gives Yuri his blue cup so his older brother can pour the milk for him.

You laugh again, almost leaning to Nikolai's chest at your kids' theatrics. Nikolai's heart melts almost immediately and he wishes he could hold you right now, but no matter how shameless he is in public, definitely he feels a bit shy in front of his kids.

You leave the dining table and to the kitchen. Nikolai watches you until your figure disappears but his stare is not for long when Mari tugs his shirt. He turns to his little princess quickly. “Yes, malyshka?”

“Papa, I want strawberries,” she says and Nikolai notices the fruit bowl only has blueberries and grapes. Mari loves strawberries but he remembers there are no more strawberries in the fridge. You never leave Mari's favourites so he expects there's no more in the stock.

“I'll see if there's any strawberry. If there's none, you eat the fruits, m'kay? Mama already prepared it for you.” Nikolai says softly. Mari nods and grins.

“Okay, papa.”

Nikolai walks to the kitchen, glancing one last time at the table. Three kids — three small kids who are from his blood. If he had told himself several years ago that this sight was possible, he would laugh so hard, ridiculing the impossible.

But here he is, in a house, complete and content. The joy of the noises from kids he never thought he would have and the peace he still holds tightly.

Ridiculous, ridiculous. I wish this is a dream, but it's not — here I am still on this path that feels right. It feels right to stay here. It feels right to be in this time.

“Darling?”

Nikolai turns to you. As soon as he sees you, he knows it does not feel right.

It is right.

Abruptly, he stumbles toward you, leading you deeper to hide yourselves in the kitchen. Nikolai leans forward, pulling you close and hugs you tight. He nuzzles his nose against your neck, inhaling your scent that reminds him of home.

“Kolya, you okay?” you ask softly as you hug him back, returning his love in full.

Nikolai is just silent. Just the two of you hugging in the kitchen, with your kids enjoying their breakfast. You are swaying in the hug, perhaps to the melody of the chirping birds, or perhaps to the happy giggles and cackles out of the kitchen.

“I love you so much,” Nikolai mumbles and you hum, tilting your head to kiss him and your lips could only reach his neck and jaw.

“I love you too, very much so,” you whisper.

“Fear nothing, I'm here.”

What he feels right now is the serenity he's yearning for, the freedom he's reaching for.

And if this is the cage he's trapped with, he will gladly stay inside — haven.

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