“i Dream For The Day You Give Me Your Heart, Because I Will Hold It Closer Than I Hold My Own.”

“In a place as dark as this, you’re bound to be a light for someone.”

- abby

KARMA.

“I’m a free spirit,” she said,

No, bitch, you, are spirit free.

Knocking the wind out of me,

as you always pretend to be,

A source of positivity,

while making my insides feel dead.

I will now and always dread,

this incoming storm I’m forced to dredge.

You love talking shit behind their backs,

yet act like you are holier than thou.

You should keep in mind even Hell has standards,

and not even there you’ll be allowed.

Incapable of accountability,

but you sure love to share your account,

“It’s not gossip if it’s true!”

I can write a book with the truths about you.

But you wouldn’t like that much, would you?

If I openly called you ‘a little bitch?’

I was only ten when you ran around town,

At age 35, tarnishing my image.

Now you’re old and look like a handbag,

But don’t flatter yourself; you don’t look like Coach.

For some reason your still with him,

And in that house like a roach.

But now you hate your job, and your mother in law,

You’re start regretting what you made your heart of,

FYI It’s stone, and I got another five letters for you,

It’s one word: Karma.

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

“can we go back to normal?”

considering my normal has been fainting in the shower, not being able to breathe, a heart rate of 190, social avoidance, and feelings of hopelessness,

no. no, we can not go ‘back to normal’.

“…and it was that day I realized it was hopeless; for I was simply a mosaic of everyone I’d ever loved.”

“i don’t know what’s worse: to have lost them, or to have never had them at all…”

“i do. it’s to know which way it was…”

- abby

Closing the chapter with someone doesn’t make you cruel; it simply means they aren’t a part of the next one.

I used to be so dependent upon you. Now I realize it was you who needed me to need you.

GREY.

How the worlds gone grey,

all the colors left.

I hear that you’re ok.

Don’t you have any regrets?

All the struggles,

All the pain,

All the time I wasn’t ok.

All the years,

All the hurt,

All the times I wished I wasn’t yours.

I stopped going to therapy,

not because I thought I’d manage;

I didn’t go because it’s not fair,

For me to pay the repairs of your damage.

You got off Scott-free,

and I’m not at all shocked,

but I know it’s not me…

It was you who caused,

This slow motion car crash.

All these years later, I still have

the bruises and the whiplash,

but you don’t have a scratch.

I replay it frame by frame,

Incinerated in my brain,

So I could forever torture myself

Asking myself again,

What did I do wrong?

Was it me?

Did I ask too much?

What did you need?

What could I have done,

differently?

Or even worse,

was it you and not me?

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

NOVOCAINE.

I know attention’s what she craves,

while you reminisce of now lost days.

Lying in the bed you made,

This cautionary tale of novocaine.

“Listed on my Wiki page,

There’s a list of whom I’d been betrayed,

Alongside accomplishments and accolades,

that you missed while you were away.

“That same list tells of who I’d claimed,

As lessons I’ll take to the grave,

Those lessons struck me, taught me, trained,

You made me “love” tasting blood and pain.

“We both knew you’d never change,

And thus so, you set the stage,

to view the downfall of your name.

A name I now push from my brain.

“I chewed and bit my lips by day,

To stop from talking, as to not say

How much I hate you, but I refrained,

Because my mother taught me ‘Grace’.

“But I grew tired of this relay.

Why should I be the one to maintain

This toxic joke you call a family?

I grew up, while you grew afraid.

“That’s what kept me alive and sane,

Yet what keeps you quiet and ashamed.

The fact that your love slowly drained,

And it’s all on you, your choice, your mistake.

“All your promises were fake,

Waited for that phone that never rang,

The gardens of my mind I raked,

My own sanctuary, I’d make.

“The anger and fury that burns away,

your scorching guilt will never fade.

And at night you’ll lie awake.

while your dreams die, your ‘heart’ slowly breaks.

“You search for forgiveness everyday,

Desperately reaching out in vain,

hoping to grasp a new blank slate,

but you and I know that’s insane.

“You look in the mirror but see my face,

It’s too late now, you can’t escape.

A hollow shell is what remains,

The colors gone, it’s all plain.

“Behind that ‘bride’ of yours who’s vain,

Who’s really more your ball and chain,

She only said yes to have a way,

To meet those bills she couldn’t pay.

“So let this be your take-away,

Two have always played this game.

You’ve learned victory you can’t claim,

And I now walk a different place,

“I see your life stuck on this page,

From which you can’t turn, it’s in flames.

It makes me relieved to finally say,

‘From you, I’m the one who got away’.”

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

I don’t just love the way they love me; I love the way they make me love myself.

- LOVE, DEAR ABBY