Me And My Cousin Were Joking Around (one Who Knows Im Trans, Btw)

never thought id have body dysphoria over my boobs lmao

as a child, one of my biggest insecurities was my boobs.

not because i wanted them gone,

no, i wanted them to be bigger

my friends used to make fun of me because my lack of curves and ive always been a lover for biggest breasts so id always wish for them, wishing that throughout puberty that I’ll have like C or D cups.

but.. that never happened. my current breast size is around a like large b cup, small c cup (tried to figure it out at victoria’s secret and they said the same thing)

i used to be so disappointed in them until i started appreciating my body.

like my thighs and butt which are quite thick and where my body weight specifically only ever goes to lol

my face, my arms, my hands, my eyes,

even my skintone and my textured 4c hair

and with the help of my ex and ex friends,

over time,

i slowly started loving my breasts.

fast forward to now.

im no longer who i used to be.

i no longer am the person i was for 18 years.

and although whenever i look at myself, i feel happy with my body,

i just wish a few things were different.

i look at my face and wish it was longer, skinnier, more masculine.

i look at my eyes and wish they were smaller, more masculine.

i look at my hands and wish they were longer, slender, more masculine.

i look at my hair and wish it were longer, and healthy so i could keep it out to make me more masculine.

i look at my thighs when i wear pants that define them and wish they were hidden, that my thighs didnt inherently make me feminine.

and then, i look at my breasts.

the two pieces of flesh that i have longed to be bigger,

i now wish were gone.

ive never experienced gender dysphoria until now.

and i kind of find it ironic,

seeing how a trans med once told me that because i hadn’t experienced gender dysphoria (at the time), i probably wasnt trans.

i am trans.

i just dont experience the same dysphoria that others do or in the same way.

i feel euphoria whenever someone acknowledges who i truly am and i always feel weird whenever they dont (like when i was getting my hair dyed, my hairdresser had a daughter who called me “sister” and whenever she would, id feel weird. or whenever my hairdresser referred to me as my mothers daughter. they dont know that im out so i don’t blame them)

i am happy with the way my physical body looks, i just wish others still see me as who i truly am with them. a man who just happens to have a higher voice, curves, small breasts, and “birthing hips”.

i still plan on getting top surgery tho lol

hearing trans women talk about their love for their boobs always make me feel so happy for them and i wish i could give them mine lmao

day i start hrt is the day i will hang up my trans flag yall, just need to buy it first :3 🙏

IWANNASTART HRT NOW PLEASEEE PLEASEHWBBA PLEASEEEE WHY IS THE APPT FOR 4/10 IMGOJNA CEY PLEWSE PELASW

They are feeling more empowered so keep a watchful eye on who is around you.

explanations left to right

- a big hoodie i got from target

- when i first came out, by my now ex friends and ex bf. when i came out for a 2nd time, my now ex bsf

- i was told by a transmed that me not experiencing dysmorphia/dysphoria wasnt me being trans and i thought i was going through a phase lmao

- i typically dont think when i shower i just scrub

- only my mom, dad, cousin, and brother know

- i want long/medium hair lol

- i dont pass irl so im scared to

- i wish it was more masc 😭 and im trying to prevent the tboy gay voice but voice training is HARDDD i wish there was just a step by step guide

- only a little not too much

- yeah LOL

- easier to be out online

- im 5’1 💀 i wish i was taller but it doesnt cause me dysphoria. not rn at least. ill be a short king 💔

- free space

- when i was a kid 😭

- nope i’ve always been into men

- i really want these breasts GONE 💔

- who doesnt? lmaoo

- i use binding tape + a strapless bra to flatten my chest

- when i came out to my mom, she asked a lot of questions 😭 was uncomfortable bc its my mom 😭 she’s supportive just wanted to make sure about everything

- already starting it

- i quite like my thing down there LMAO

- ive never used that bf mainly bc i 1) never thought to 2) barely have socks already 😭

- i know damn well i dont pass but whenever i try to i look in the mirror and go “do i?”

- he/him+they/them 😎

- i have an appointment to start soon!!!!

I also did a trans one!! (Also to my friends yes I do talk about not liking my height but not because of being trans, I just wanna be the tallest person ever)

yesterday, as i was going to my driving lesson, i realized that the random pair of sweats i picked up were the pair of that make my thighs very apparent (im curvy) and it almost made me break down crying 😭

like i love how curvy and fat my thighs are but hate anyone seeing them or any outfits that make it apparent because they cause me dysphoria/dysmorphia because people will see them and go “oh! woman.” since men typically dont got curves like this 😔

normalize big booty men 💔💔 normalize thick thighs men 💔💔💔

My brother in law recently became a veterinarian and it has really driven the point home as to how fucking bonkers veterinary medicine is. We don't expect human physicians to really know much outside of their own specialty - a dentist, an otolaryngologist, and a maxillofacial surgeon are three totally different dudes. Meanwhile a veterinarian at a wildlife rehab center is doing orthopedic surgery on a hawk and then doing rounds on baby hedgehogs in the hedgehog NICU and administering antibiotics to a ratsnake. And he also knows how to perform surgical interventions on a cow! What the fuck! Those are all totally, wildly different kinds of animal!!

Shout out to veterinarians, they know Too Much.

i need to interact with more happy things. its the reason why i joined tumblr and stepped away from twitter.

my TL is just.. negative.

might purge a bunch of posts

yall i finally deleted twitter 🙏❤️

im healing