OH SHE ANGSTY TONIGHT. Somebody Fix It. Help. HELLLLP.

it's  always  a  question,  always  attempting  to  understand  what  it's  like.  WAR  &  TRIAGE,  too  similar  in  how  her  spine  remembers  instinct.  ❛  it's  the  terror  of  knowing  what  this  world's  about.  ❜  she's  too  casual  about  it,  a  shrug,  a  chuff  of  amusement. 

lyrical sc// @jennifershepard

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❛ you are my salvation. ❜ price @muutos

she  wants  to  be  his  salvation,  wants  it  in  a  way  that  terrifies  her  enough  to  believe  him.  it’s  not  flattery,  it’s  not  sweet—it's  the  weight  of  meaning  because  john  price  doesn't  utter  a  single  syllable  he  doesn't  stand  behind.  it  lands  in  her  chest  like  a  round  at  close  range,  and  for  a  second,  all  she  can  do  is  feel  it:  the  honesty  of  it,  the  need  of  it.  fingers  pressed  into  the  hard  edge  of  his  chest,  sliding  up  the  column  of  his  throat  like  she’s  checking  if  he’s  real,  if  he’s  still  warm  under  her  palm.  he  is,  off  course  he  is.  a  man  always  burning,  always  ready  to  fight  someone  else's  war.  the  perfect  soldier,  the  selfless  leader,  giving  until  there's  nothing  left  and  still  never  staying  down.

she  leans  in,  her  forehead  pressing  into  the  curve  of  his  temple,  mouth  a  whisper  over  his  own.  her  frame  straddled  his  lap,  as  if  by  miracle,  she  could  ground  him  there.  ❛  john.  ❜  like  she's  something  soft  and  not  buried  beneath  devouring  violence,  like  she  wasn't  haunted  in  every  step  she  took.  how  could  gloria  deny  him  that  refuge?  she  wants  to  say  it’s  too  much,  that  salvation  is  too  big  a  word  for  what  she  can  give  but,  it  doesn't  change  a  long-standing  truth.  at  doesn't  change  the  fact  that  he's  her  salvation,  too.  bloodstained,  battle-worn,  but  hers.  ❛  i'll  be  anything  for  you.  ❜  her  teeth  tug  at  his  bottom  lip,  testing  reverence  with  a  flick  of  her  tongue.  it's  almost  cruel,  the  way  her  words  tremble  against  him,  how  her  nails  trace  his  jaw.  ❛  but  i  need  you  to  take.  i  need  you  to  be  selfish,  i  need  you  to  want  this  more  than  you  decided  on  your  own  grave.  ❜

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GOOD MORNING !!! Going to tidy up and finish organizing my house then get on my blogs to get things going cause spice is coming a day late friends. ALSO , welcome the newest member of my blog roll and latest mistake @enduredshe

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Lyrical starter call from her inspo playlist ? smush

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❛ fucking hit me already. ❜ / frank ! @weaponid

gloria  doesn't  ask  if  he  means  it.  she  watches  him  like  she’s  trying  to  see  past  the  skin  and  into  the  marrow  where  all  that  rage  lives  coiled  and  choking.  watches  him  like  the  cornered  fox  minds  the  rabid  hound.  she  knows  he  means  it;  pain  has  always  been  an  open  door  between  them.  her  hand  twitches  at  her  side,  she  swallows  down  barbed  wire  and  the  fucked  intimacy  of  it  all.  she  moves  fast,  sharp,  her  fist  colliding  with  his  face  in  a  clean,  brutal  arc.  there’s  no  hesitation  behind  it,  no  apology.  honesty  ruptures  and  lands  with  a  crack  that  echoes  louder  than  it  should.  his  head  jerks  to  the  side,  and  for  a  second,  everything  holds.  suspended  and  sacred.

she's  caught  on  every  hitch  in  her  unsteady  cadence  of  breath.  something  so  much  deeper  than  transactional  sadomasochism  and  ire,  because  it's  never  been  that  simple  for  them.  his  skin  is  hot  beneath  her  palm  when  she  grabs  his  jaw,  dragging  his  face  back  to  hers.  her  thumb  presses  along  the  red  blotch  on  his  cheek,  rough  and  reverent.  ❛  that  hard  enough,  frank?  did  that  knock  some  sense  into  your  fucking  head  yet?  ❜  its  a  clawed  grip  behind  his  neck,  the  other  hand  gripping  the  collar  and  yanking  him  closer,  foreheads  pressed  so  hard  it  hurts.  her  voice  breaks  against  his  mouth.  ❛  you're  broken,  i  know,  and  so  am  i.  i  don't  care  how  many  fucked  up  pieces  of  you  are  left  cause  i'm  going  to  keep  coming  back  until  there's  nothing  to  come  back  to.  ❜

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Lyrical starter call from her inspo playlist ? smush

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she  isn't  someone  who  flusters  easily.  could  withstand  the  force  of  a  thousand  storms  and  still  hold  her  ground  against  the  CARNAGE  AND  CHAOS.  ❛  i've  got  a  hundred  thrown-out  speeches  i  almost  said  to  you.  ❜  she's  at  a  loss  here,  in  over  her  head  and  overthinking  because  it's  not  as  simple  as  locking  into  task  or  mission.  her  heart  wears  too  close  to  her  sleeve  and  clawing  its  way  into  his  hands. 

lyrical sc// @pittmade

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nothing  follows,  not  yet.  the  words  don’t  rise  so  much  as  settle  as  silt  in  water  after  the  stirring’s  stopped.  HER  EYES  FOLLOW  A  CRACK  ALONG  THE  BAR  TOP.  it's  long  and  jagged  and  reminds  her  of  scar  tissue,  the  mangled  and  crooked  stories  on  her  body  in  phantom  aches.  a  flicker  of  recognition  sharpens  the  corner  of  her  gaze.  not  pity.  not  camaraderie  wrapped  in  cliché.  but  that  rare  kind  of  understanding  that  doesn’t  announce  itself;  it  just  takes  up  space  beside  you  and  doesn’t  flinch.

the  glass  in  her  hand  sweats  against  her  palm.  she  hasn’t  taken  a  sip  in  minutes,  just  holds  it  like  something  steady,  something  to  tether  her.  dinah's  voice  lingers  in  the  air,  heavier  than  the  scent  of  stale  beer  and  old  smoke,  heavier  even  than  the  history  pressed  into  every  inch  of  this  place.  she  exhales  slowly,  controlled  in  how  they  taught  her  to  when  adrenaline  starts  to  eat  through  clarity.

she  shifts  in  her  seat,  the  rare  form  of  an  evening  off  melting  in  small  waves.  not  discomfort,  just  recalibration  as  though  she’s  letting  herself  settle  differently  now.  not  into  the  bar,  or  the  chair,  but  into  the  truth  between  them.  that  unspoken  place  where  blood  isn’t  a  metaphor,  and  memory  comes  with  texture.  the  quiet  motion  of  someone  who  has  bled  and  stitched  and  kept  moving,  who  knows  the  cost  of  softness  and  still  lets  it  in.

not  everyone  exists  the  same.  some  become  the  violence,  some  hide  from  it,  some  bury  it  so  deep  they  mistake  it  for  the  wild  of  grief.  no  matter  how  anyone  attempted  to  keep  it,  eventually  it  creeps  up  and  reminds  you  it's  always  been  in  charge.

❛  sorry.  ❜  gloria  sets  the  glass  down  gently,  a  smile  that  isn't  all  there  lifting  the  corner  of  her  lips.  ❛  i'm  surprisingly  shitty  at  small  talk  for  it  being  a  big  part  of  my  job.  ❜  WAR  WAS  LESS  COMPLICATED  THAN  MEDICINE;  empathy  had  drained  her  then,  and  it  drains  her  now.  an  empty  tank  that  keeps  running  onwards.  ❛  i  also  hate  baseball.  ❜

the place doesn’t announce itself. no sign worth reading. just the dry clink of glass against wood, the heavy drag of a barstool across concrete, the soft static of a baseball game playing overhead on a battered television. the walls carry nicotine stains and the bartop’s been wiped down so many times it shines in patches. most of the men here wear uniforms, or did once. one can tell by the way they sit: spines too straight, eyes that scan the room but never settle.

dinah does not blend. not really, and never by accident. black satin pants skim just above the ankle, the soft grey blouse tucked clean at the waist without a single crease, and red-bottom heels on her feet which she exchanges for an old-pair of sneakers after hours; still yet, elegant, unmistakably out of place. she looks like she arrived from a place built on marble and discretion, where voices are tempered by diplomacy and the real power circulates three doors behind the visible one. and maybe she did. but she was never designed to belong to those rooms. strategically placed in them.

‘ yeah, ’ she says, not just with agreement but with recognition as well, like the words been filed and revisited too many times to come out any other way. like she knows exactly what gloria means because she’s lived it more than once. violence, institutions that reward detachment and demand resilience just to survive, even as pamphlets in the therapist office announce that vulnerability is not a weakness.

‘ well. fuck it. ’ she remembers a man once—older, career army, the kind who spoke like authority was his by birthright. he told her women like her couldn’t possibly understand what it meant to be ankle-deep in blood with the comms down and someone dying under her hands. she said nothing then, nothing even as she cleaned the blood off her own hands later that same week.

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↪     ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted sentence starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   no longer updating .  )

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

i don’t need you to hold my hand through this .

are you sure this is the right thing to do ?

can’t we try to pretend things are okay ?

what is THAT supposed to mean ?

you’re always late ,  what am i supposed to think ?

there’s nothing you can do to fix this .

you’re far too kind to me .

can we go now ?  like ,  right now ?

i have to do this alone .

where’s your common sense ?

we aren’t supposed to be in here .

can you feel my heartbeat ?

i think i’ve seen you around before .

why are you acting weird ?

i have a really bad feeling .

i hate seeing you like this .

how am i supposed to react to that ?

what do you want most in the world ?

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I’m not even sure her ass makes up for the collective amount of trauma and baggage anymore…her head game does though.

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