“I Was A Hollow Canvas, She Was A Colourful Contagion, Spreading A Portrait Of Love, Onto This Vacant

rb if you are about to lose your shit, have already lost your shit, or support people who lose their shit

"Woh ajab ghadi thi main jis ghadi, liya dars nuskha-e-ishq ka, ki kitab aql ki taaq par, jyun dhari thi tyun hi dhari rahi"

~ Siraj Aurangabadi from Khabar-e-tahayyur-e-ishq

Siraj here very beautifully explains how, when one falls in love, i.e., "takes lessons of love" (dars nushka-e-ishq ka) leaves all rationality behind, the passion behind love is something which blinds them, the fire burning within them is so bright that they cannot see or know what is wrong and what is right.

He says he didn't know when it happened and didn't know what was happening. It was a weird time when it happened (woh ajab ghadi thi main jis ghadi...), he was so blinded by love that all the rationality was neutralized by the beauty of love.

the moment one falls in love, the intellect, or the reasoning (kitab aql ki) starts staying in a old dusty corner of the mind (taaq par), slowly collecting dust (jyun dhari thi tyun hi dhari rahi).

(image taken from pinterest)

~ Necromancer

I am afraid of approaching someone now,

it was easier for me back when I was in school because we all basically had same lives, same cities, houses close by, smaller, similar circle of friends. even in college it was easier to catch up with whatever happened back in someone’s school days, we all shared similar school time tales, traumas, break up stories.

Approaching someone in adulthood is just like collision of two worlds (though it is true for all relationships be it school, college, work or any other stream of life), it all seems so overwhelming. The sheer aspect that another person has a different life altogether since last some 20 something years, they will be having completely different friend groups, so many life events, so many trauma. I do agree that humans are so beautiful when they’ve stories to tell and it is the beauty of randomness of everyone’s life that makes them unique.

Along with that there is a constant anxiety that time is slowly slipping away from you, as the later 20s creep in on you, this anxiety slowly grows bigger and bigger taking shape of a big question mark on yourself.

was I never enough? Will I ever find love? Am I supposed to be like this forever? Do I even deserve someone’s love?

The cycle of self doubt never ends.

As kafka said,

There are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship.

(Image taken from pinterest)

~ Necromancer

گھر تھی وہ ہمارا، انسان سے گھر تو دور جا سکتا ہے، لیکن انسان

کے دل سے نہیں

घर थी वो हमारा, इंसान से घर तो दूर जा सकता है, लेकिन इंसान के दिल से नहीं ।

~ Necromancer

Image taken from Pinterest

study for 15 minutes, listen to music for 20 minutes while staring at the wall pondering the existence of life, repeat

if you see someone being interrupted in a conversation, acknowledge them, don’t let them be pushed to the side. if you see someone lagging behind, walk beside them. if someone is being ignored, take the step to include them. always remind people of their worth. it hurts when it feels like you’re being forgotten. that small gesture can mean a lot.

Sending love and light. Your posts make it seem you are going through a hard time. I hope it gets better soon🫂

We all are going through something, I just prefer to put it into words. Most of my writings are from my previous experiences, I just keep revisiting my memories, finding emotions I can put into words, thus making my pen borrow my pain.

Rest assured, I am doing better :)

&

thank you for your love, thank you for your care 🩷

And one day, she also decided to leave.. I did not ask for an explanation this time, I was tired of asking people to stay. I have made peace with people going away.. holding on hurts, letting go hurts.

"Maybe one day", I am no longer waiting for that one day.. once gone, people never return, me having expectations puts a hole, only in my heart.

"People never return" or maybe I have fallen for wrong people all along?

Image taken from pinterest

~ Necromancer

शून्य

शून्य में देखना..

ये शब्द मुझे काफ़ी प्रशिद्ध दार्शनिक Nietzsche के एक कथन की याद दिलाते है:

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

हालाकि यहाँ पर शून्य की बात नहीं अंधकार की बात हो रही है. लेकिन क्या शून्य और अंधकार एक जैसे नहीं है? अंधकार प्रकाश की कमी है और शून्य एहसास की कमी ।

मुझे दर्शन शास्त्र के बारे में इतना तो नहीं पता, लेकिन इतना तो पता है कि शून्य का एहसास काफ़ी शांत और संतोषजनक होता है। कुछ ना महसूस कर पाना भी एक एहसास है । शून्य की कोई परिभाषा तो नहीं, ना ही कोई अकार है । बस जब आपका शरीर और मस्तिष्क को एक ऐसी शांति का अनुभव हो जो कुछ ना करने से मिल रही हो, जो बिलकुल स्थिर हो।

हालाकि शून्य काफ़ी संतोषजनक होता लेकिन यह अनुभव की प्राप्ति की लत जब किसी को लग जाती तो वह इंसान शून्य में ही शांति और सुख पाने लगता है, हमे समझना चाहिए कि शून्य एक अनुभूति विहीन आयाम है और उस आयाम में ही सुख पाना एक paradox से कम नहीं ।

Nietzsche के कथन और ऊपर लिखित अनुछेद पर वापस ध्यान देने पर शून्य और अंधकार का संबंध और गहरा होता है । शून्य और अंधकार दोनों में ज़्यादा समय व्यतीत करने से वह हमे अपने जैसा बना देते हैं। अंधकार हमें विवेकहीन और क्रूर बनाता है, वहीं शून्य हमें संवेदनहीन और खोखला बना देता है।

(शून्य शब्द का उपयोग यहाँ "void" के लिए हुआ है)

~ Necromancer

॰॰ मुझे तो ख़ैर ख़ानाबदोशी ही रास थी, तेरे लिये मकान बनाना पड़ा मुझे ॰॰ ~ Sidra Sahar Imran