A Bad Terrible Foolish Logics.

Henchmen for Hire

AKA "Danny is employed as one of the Rogue's henchmen and he's doing so well at being discrete, none of the Bats even know he's committing crime! (They absolutely know.)" prompt idea!!

Y'know what would make this funnier?? Is if Selina Kyle, Catwoman and hoarder of strays, immediately Work Mom'd this kid.

Imagine Danny gets dumped into Gotham by himself. Except there's, like, no ectoplasm - not nearly enough to sustain his Ghost. So, his Ghost form slowly peters out and he's left penniless and powerless on the streets of Gotham. Obviously, the next step would be to find money. But how?? He can't go invisible, intangible, or Full Ghost to help him out here. And there aren't a lot of stand-up places that hire kids younger than 13, so ultimately he's forced to apply for henchmen positions. He doesn't actually find Catwoman's ad. No, she hears through the grapevine that this actual child is applying to be a drug runner for the Penguin or - oh, shit, the Joker??

Absolutely not. Selina is no saint, but she's not going to let another kid be beaten to death by the Joker. Maybe she talks to Harley and finds out where the kid's going, or maybe she just puts in an ad and hires him on the spot. To be honest, she doesn't really expect to particularly like the kid - she'll have him pick up her coffee or something, pay him at the end of the day (standard henchmen pay periods since it's likely they won't live through the end of the week), and clear her conscience.

Except Danny is a little shit.

Danny, for his part, doesn't necessarily want to be a henchman but he figured it'd be more than getting some lady's coffee, right? He imagined an evil man twirling his extra long mustache and smoking a cigar, or mobsters hunched over a gambling table grunting about... playing cards or something, he doesn't know. Instead Danny's told to pick up Catwoman's dry-cleaning. It's almost an insult when he knows she's planning a heist that includes stealing several very expensive items from a museum during an evening showing. Without him, her only henchman!! (So what if he snooped in her office? It's not like it's ghost-proof; she should've expected Bad Behavior from the Very Bad Criminal in her house.)

Selina finds out very quickly that Danny is akin to a rambunctious kitten chewing through her phone charger cable and clawing at her favorite muslin blanket (the one Bruce gifted her from one of their dates). And she's so exasperated that she agrees he can be involved. But only as a distraction and he's told that he needs to scram once the police come because she's not bailing him out of juvie if he gets caught. (She wouldn't, but she could make Bruce do it. Her lover would take one look at Danny's watery doe eyes and cave like he's already experiencing Empty Nest Syndrome.)

So, Catwoman and her littlest henchman plan to rob the Gotham Museum. She buys him a cat-themed facemask (in case things get sticky and he needs a quick anonymous getaway) like ones from Party City, it has little ears poking out from the top and it's adorable. And then it's go time.

Danny's role is to distract the crowd by pretending to be a lost kid and distract Batman if he shows up. Selina will take care of the rest - disarming the alarms, timing the museum workers' shifts, bribing the West Entry security guard, frame-freezing the surveillance cameras, smuggling in the forgery and smuggling out the original, and - well. It'll be nice not to deal with the Big Bat if he shows up, but Selina is used to doing this on her own.

She should've expected that Danny doesn't do what's expected.

Because Danny does his part as the crying, screaming child whose mother is lost amongst the chaos once the museum's power shuts off. He distracts the guards easily. Selina hides away the art, replaces the forgery on the wall, and goes to find her little stray. And Danny is clinging hysterically to The Batman, refusing to be pried off by security guards and museum workers. He's straight up sobbing. Talking about how he loves Batman and Robin, his family is dead, he wants to be Robin, did you know you should be able to see Ursa Major from Gotham but you can't because of the smog, do you think Poison Ivy can just make a lot of trees to unpolluted the air, Nightwing is his favorite superhero, do you think he'll sign an autograph-.

It's astounding how fast that kid can speak while also smearing green snot onto Batman's cape. Danny proves himself to be even more unexpected when he goes off-script, eyeing her and screaming, "Mom!" And Batman's eyes catch hers. Shit. How can she explain a tiny child calling her mother in front of her lover? That'll be an awkward conversation.

Catwoman doesn't take Danny to outings after that. Instead, she has Harley and Ivy take turns "babysitting" (i.e., using Danny as Batfam distractions) while she's at work, kind of like having the fun aunts take you shopping. Danny can do whatever he wants!! With the exception that he needs to be wearing his cat-mask at all times, to properly conceal his identity (neither woman knows he'd already thrown himself at Batman without his mask).

So, while Ivy is destroying a toxic power plant, Danny is stealing Nightwing's escrima sticks, clinging to him, "accidentally" tripping him, doing the Koala-leg thing. He goes all out when Nightwing actually does trip on him - he shrieks that he broke his arm, which forces the vigilante to pay attention to him. Sobs, clings harder, and endures the trip to the hospital on the back of Nightwing's motorcycle with a shit-eating grin.

Harley is beating the hell out of some of Joker's gang. Red Robin is doing surveillance and coordinating with GCPD so they can get the whole circus to Arkham. Except Danny is calling out where Red Robin is hiding with the glittery pink microphone that Harley bought him (originally to sing Doja Cat and Chappell Roan in her car). Joker gang's priority will always be the Batfam because of Joker's obsession with Batman and Danny uses the distraction so Harley can get a couple good swings of her bat in. He cackles maniacally when he hears a muffled, "C'mon, kid!!" from Red Robin.

And the Batkids are just like, Jesus, this kid is literally a nightmare. But they can't do anything! Are they going do arrest a kid? No. Are they going to arrest Batman's lover? No! So, they're stuck dealing with this.... absolute gremlin of a child!!

Danny, of course, is very pleased. The Bats have no idea who he is because of his little cat-mask, he's getting paid literally several grand per week, and Selina - who he's been living with ever since she realized he was homeless - even got him goldfish!

(Bruce is in his office, eyes crinkling in that iconic Dad-Smile, scrolling through candid photos Selina snuck of Danny's chocolate-smeared face while the kid was passed out on her couch. There's a fake ID under the name of Danny Fenton and several pages of foraged school records in a pile on his desk. Bruce eyes his desk drawer where several emergency adoption papers are tucked away.)

Bruce: Oh no. Dick: What is it? Bruce: Do you remember Danny Fenton? Dick: The biological son you found out about one year before he turned 18? Yeah, I remember Damian was having an aneurysm. What about him? Bruce: Well, he was willing to get to know me, but he's not looking to replace the man who raised him, so he wanted to do things slowly. I agree and have been watching him from a distance. Dick: Okay? What's the problem then? Bruce: The Court of Owls just took him. Dick: Shit. I'll call the others, we can rescue him as soon- Bruce: No no no you don't understand. Danny is far more dangerous then the Court of Owls. I fear by the time we get there it be too late. Dick: He's going to kill them!? Bruce whispering: Worse. He's going to turn them into Skeletons for his undead army, forever doomed to serve him until those they wronged forgive their souls. Death would be far kinder than what is waiting for the Court Members. Dick: Bruce.....did you sleep with a god again? We told you to stop doing that. Bruce: Actually, Maddie is completely human. Danny, on the other hand, died when he was fourteen, overthrew the previous Ghost King, and now controls the afterworld with far too much energy drinks and internet memes in his system. Dick: You promised this kid would be different Bruce. Bruce: Hey, I have not made him a vigilante. He did that on his own. Plus, he isn't a vigilante now; he's more of a morally compromised trickster god.

Hood needs to hurry or Mr Freeze will adopt him

DpxDc #2

Ice core needs warming.

Danny's love language is physical touch.

He adored his dad’s crushing hugs, his mother’s forehead kisses, and his sister's way of putting both hands on his shoulders to guide him.

He loved the way he would accidentally brush against his friends while walking, how they would grab on each other during horror movies, how Sam would stop and pick the loose hair on his shirt, and how Tucker would press his hand against his back every time he caught up to them.

After being forced out of Amity and outed as Phantom, he started to miss Dash’s punches, too.

Any type of touch was considerably better than the cold he was feeling inside his chest.

His ice core made him feel like he was suffocating, the warmth of a human touch now felt more urgent than eating or finding shelter out in Gotham.

In the meantime, Red Hood received news of a new criminal in the alley that would target random people in the street and grab them, causing their arms to freeze over.

dont worry, he specializes in stem (shenanigans, tomfoolery, escapades, and mischief)

ao3 turns 15 today

reblog if youre older than ao3

(there's a lot of people asking about this, but the legal age to use social media is 13, except in few countries. so yes, there are people here under 15)

"Rejected." "But, Milord, he has been specifically chosen to..." "Rejected. Goodbye."

Wally, tied down to a stone table and about to be sacrificed, feels more than offended.

This particular cult is trying to gift him to some minor god of protection or something, he wasn't particularly paying attention to the specifics, saying that the god needs a new member of his harem.

"But we chose this one because of his qualifications!"

"Indeed, we sense the eldritch within him!"

The god or whatever raises one white eyebrow.

"Re. Jec. Ted. Rejected. That? That whole thing?" The being asks, waving a hand generally at Wally's everything. "That is not going anywhere near my Fraid or my Haunt."

"Hey!" Wally says incredulously, "The hell did I do to you, man?"

"No no, that's the beauty of it!" A cultist interrupts him, also motioning at Wally's everything. "As a member of your harem and also one already tainted by the unknowable, he can stay out of your personal lair and stay in the Eternal Void, and you can just make sure he pleases you in wherever way you desi-"

"That thing is also not getting anywhere near my dick. In fact? This? This is done. I am done."

The being snaps his fingers into fingerguns, points at the shackles on Wally, and breaks them with green beams of light.

"Run free and far away frommmmmmmholy fuck get away from me!"

"So what, am I not good enough for you?" Wally asks, now in the beings face and ignoring the cultists.

Fuck those guys, but this just got personal.

~~~~~~

Danny is being hounded by one of Clockwork's worst nightmares, thanks to a stupid cult that thinks he's A, a god, and B, has a harem.

Great.

He's supposed to be at his 21st birthday party, getting legally wasted, and now he's getting hit on the man responsible for a not one, not two, but three week adventure through the time stream he just got back from.

This man and his ilk are responsible for nearly all of Danny's Clockwork Assignments, specifically to fix the timestream and reality, and he has the balls to ask why Danny doesn't like him?!

I just want some DeadTired ship in a fantasy setting.

But not like them being prince or king just… adventurers who do some quests together while falling in love.

And then Danny can find out Tim is the adopted son of the Demon Lord Batman while hiding being the adopted son of the Demon Lord Pariah Dark who hates the Batman Clan.

Like, they already have to be together, find out and try to hide it from each other while not asking about suspicious sounding things bc what if the other asks them?! They can’t answer that without giving everything away!

For added flavor sprinkle in some Ra‘s Demon Lord that’s obsessed with Tim and sees what Danny can do and just goes „two for one!“ bc why not adopt both?

Danny: Wow, when Jazz told me she knew a guy that could tutor me in English, she didn't mention you be so buff.

Jason: Is that a problem?

Danny flustered: No no no! I guess I was expecting someone as scrawny as me. I've never been good at working out.

Jason: Hmm, well, if you want, I can also help you work out. I'm at the gym before I come to our tutoring sessions anyway.

Danny faintly: Okay.

Jason: Great. I go to the campus gym so we can meet there. Anyway, Jazz said you needed help with Shakespearian chapters?

Danny even more faint: Shakespeare....uses English I don't understand.

Jason moving closer: I'm sorry I didn't catch that.

Danny whispering: Help me, I'm too gay.

Jason: What?

Danny panicked: I said help me I'm too slay!

Jason: Ugh, I guess your outfit is nice, but what's that got to do with Shakespeare?

Jazz spying from a near by table: This idiot is blowing it.

Dick from another nearby table also spying: I know the feeling. I set Jay up for the perfect opportunity to charm his crush, and he's focusing on Shakespeare!

I don't even know exactly how long this takes, but I'm actually pretty proud of the painting

a phone danny while i’m on the road