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The finishing touch on being #GRAMMYs ready? A pop of color, fabulous makeup and a fun, feisty attitude. Good luck, COVERGIRL @katyperry!

A year in life...

Oh it’s been so very long since I last wrote. I needed time. I needed to experience my first year “out there” so that I could really write. Write about everything and I’ll make sure not to leave anything out. 

A year ago, my last blog, was about my family’s dismissive behaviour towards the love of my life. A year ago, my dad was the only one left in the dark about this because I was looking for the perfect timing. I knew the outcome. I knew it a year ago and at last after a year, I was only proven right. Ultimatum set by him, choose the family he says and leave him. Choose him and leave the family. So which is it going to be? I have thought about it, many many many times only to go around in circles. Why cant I have both? Why is it so easy for my father to give me such an ultimatum and why can he not consider or take into account anyone but himself? Enough with the questions though, perhaps I have the answers, yet deep down I do not want them to be true therefore suppress the truth. Because everyone knows, the truth hurts. So much that at this moment of time I have decided to play along as a happy family because for now, the hurting can temporarily be postponed. And even if it is for a short while, I rather be happy with the family before I make them aware of my decision. 

The decision of my life so to speak. Its all set, I have done so much thinking in between changing jobs and working full time, and welcoming my beautiful niece to this world as well as keeping my parents happy and him happy. I have been flooded with so many emotions that really, I did not even have to even decide myself but life decided for me. And maybe that is the best of ways. I know from here onward I can count on him, fall back on him, love him and be with him. We have chosen each other through all that we’ve had to go through and still have to go through, we have always chosen us. And that is what made this decision so easy ( well i keep referring it to decision, but really its a choice).

So here it is for a shortened version of my year, I promise I will write more and more often again. I nearly forgot how good it feels to just write and lets the words write themselves. 

Have a good summer!

xoxo

Hello again.

It has been a while since I have blogged and ranted and vented my emotions, feelings and thoughts. Although not much has changed, a lot still has changed. 

To believe I would graduate after three years without any problems or bumps along the road was very naive of me. Reaching the end of my third year of uni only to find out I have to resit an exam, resulting in me not graduating with my friends has shattered me. I have not much to say about that apart from how disappointed I am at myself. However, this has also shown a lot about the people I thought I had surrounded myself with. The people I thought that would always be there for me, proven to be very wrong indeed. I have met some amazing friends along the way and it has taken me 3 years to realise how shit I am at making and choosing friends. I had not learned how to do this up until the end of my third year of uni. I don’t regret anything. In fact I am glad a lot of things happened the way they did, otherwise I wouldn’t have met the love of my life and I wouldn’t have met the most amazing friends in these last couple of months. It is very cliche indeed but life sometimes has to be full of cliches and cheese for you to realise how good life can be. 

I have been through a lot and many people do not know that about me. The family I thought would stand by me in difficult times could not be part of my difficult times because of their narrow mindedness and shallow mindedness and their greed and love for reputation. I have always and will always adore my parents but they have let me down so much lately, sometimes even to the point of not being able to come back from it. I have endured a lot of wounds and suffered a lot through the words that had been chucked at me by my sisters and parents but it has only made me realise.... 

You find your soulmate, your love, your life, in that one person, and everything else does not matter anymore. Every heartbreak, every let down, every pain, all can be forgotten with just one moment with that one person. That one person I can call at any time of the day and he will always stand by me. And that is what I have realised... you lose a lot of people, you fall out, you stop calling your home “home” but you gain that one person, who you want to spend the rest of your life with. He or She will become your home, your shelter, your life and I can honestly say, I have never felt so safe in my life before as I do now with him by my side. I’m proud to be his. 

Its the time where you have to think about what you really want! Do you want to live to please others? Go out there and find your soulmate, find your love, find your life and live it. To the fullest. Everyone deserves a better life, only a few know how to make their life a better life. You will get there. In time. 

xoxo

Don’t be fooled!

There is no need for me to rant about men. Particular someone you grew to love over a year or so yet they fucked up. As usual. I’m not the strongest out there so for me a break up is quite awful but it gets worse. 

Whatever he said during the break up is very nice and all and being gullible is sooo much better than facing the truth. Being naive even better! Its his terms or no terms. It bugs me the most that for 15 months he was the most loving and caring person I knew and fell for so deeply, but speaking to him now makes me doubt myself who I fell for.  A narcissist. Plain and simple. I will never bad mouth him and nor will I regret the time spent together. However, what I do regret is the one week of sleepless nights and puffy eyes in the morning. Not worth it. Surely I am not the only woman who’s said this after a break up and surely I let my emotions run high when writing this blog. 

You see, men don’t care. We know it. They know that we know it. Everybody knows this. Its a delusion which has been carried out for many many years that women should trust men and that men care about women. It just isn't in their nature to care as much as we do. 

I am not writing this blog to talk about the careless men in our lives but to talk about the foolishness of us women. We believe it. We should not therefore blame them. If they can not be trusted which we know very much why do we allow ourselves to fall for them so damn deep to the point of not being able to pick ourselves up. Its just ridiculous and quite frankly, women are pathetic soppy little creatures. 

It hurts so much to think that you’re not good enough, but do not be fooled because you are GOOD. Way too good, maybe even overqualified to be with a man who just doesn’t want to appreciate you. Who doesn’t allow himself to love you because he is nothing but a coward. A coward to face the obstacles that couples will come across in the future. What is love? Its nothing, if you’re not committed to begin with. END IT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. 

xoxo 

I got 'According to Yes' by Dawn French and I am in love with it so far! Near the end within a week!

Hello, dear Reader. Tell me a story. Did you get a book for the holiday? Did you give one?

It’s 2:06am and I’m awake with nothing but the thought of you and I. You keep me up at night which is ironic because during the day the thought of you does nothing but make me want to sleep so I can forget about you for a little while.

B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

My days and nights since last week! 

I love myself.

Don't EVER let anyone tell you that you're not good enough.. Too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too stupid, a know-it-all, a freak, weird the list goes on and never ends!! Everything about you is beautiful and you are the only one who can change you! Stay happy, be who you are and enjoy life! Thought of the day... Because nobody is and ever will be perfect :)

Yoga

My first ever yoga session completed. I feel no different than before, just exhausted from what I felt like was an hour of lying down and inhaling, exhaling, and of course the random ‘ommm shanti,ommm shanti’ chanting. However, I would still recommend it! Definitely worth a try to see how you feel about it. I did like the way my mind just went blank for a whole hour and I had nothing but shanti on my mind (shanti means peace btw).

Free yourself.

Xoxo

The fresh start of a new beginning

There is only that much a girl like me can keep to herself. 19 year old university student with a huge family can sometimes mean ALOT of secrets, backstabbing, tears, happiness and gossip. Entering my 20s soon and starting my second years of study I found a new way to let my inner self speak out! I have no idea how I am going to start sharing everything or where to start.So many things going on in my life (which yes I know is happening in everyone's life not just mine) and I have so little ways to just let loose. Hopefully you guys enjoy my posts and blogs and maybe relate to it a little bit! 

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