Human Interaction

Changing

No one ever said changing for the better would be easy. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to doing the things that I used to but…. When I look back at those times, I realize the same thing over and over again. There’s no point in doing something that will just hurt you more in the end.

If someone asked me what I thought about myself a month ago, I would’ve told them: “I wish I could die but not really.” Being asked the same question now, I answer with: “it’s complicated. It’s hard respecting and fully loving myself while being constantly told what my faults are.” I want more for myself. I want to care. Sure, this is actually a new thing for me. I’ll be honest with you; it’s weird and sometimes I think it’s pointless. I’m not really one for showing those closest to me how I really feel. I’m so used to hiding my feelings that now when I try to express myself it can be misunderstood.

Nowadays I am taking care of myself more and focusing on myself which has caused me to stop doing the things that I used to. I feel bad for the people I used to talk to because I never got to explain anything to them. I just had left them without saying goodbye. Sometimes I wish I could tell them what’s been going on and how I am doing but then I remember one minor detail. They don’t care about me nor will they ever. 

No matter how much I wish this wasn’t true it is…. And inevitably, I’m alone during this self-transformation for the better.

It takes time to work on not being alone. You have to call a friend. You have to take a shower and eat breakfast with your mom. You have to put in the effort to feel loved and be loved by the people around you. Passiveness leads to loneliness. Be active and spread your sadness to the people you trust your feelings with. Be understood. And be okay.

Juansen Dizon, It Takes Time  (via juansendizon)

she wears her smile like a cloak. no one knows of what lies beneath. she either relishes the anonymity or has simply forgotten how to escape it.

Noor Shirazie (via noorshirazie)

Lightning

She goes hand in hand with thunder. Together, they are always looked at as an evil storm. Just because it causes us to wonder how such a bad thing can cause something so good to be born. She dances throughout the sky, showing off her beautiful dancing while her partner is playing music by her side... Yet we never seem to notice that it's happening. You'll never know when she'll strike. Her hands reaching out to the various acres of land. As she takes each step with pride. Forcing photographers to get a camera from the best brand. She makes everything worthwhile. Given the fact that she's been here since the beginning of time. Making herself never go out of style. And only letting thunder call her "mine".

Sleep

As I sit here,

I think of all the pressing matters that are near.

They are like monsters...

Making me feel like any day now I will be slaughtered.

I wish someone could be my knight in shining armor.

But when I finally take time to ponder,

I realize mear wishes are nothing but a dream.

Giving me the urge to scream.

When I do to it’s just silent.

Making me wonder where all my strength and courage went.

I want to go to bed.

To curl up to the point where all you can see is my head.

I want to go to sleep...

To be selfish and never truly let anyone have my heart to keep.

Tidal Waves

It looks oh so blue,

Rushing up the beach

Seeming like it’s trying to comfort me and you.

Never being too far from our reach.

It always gives off a sort of longing,

Even when we feel content.

And when this happens, it seems like there is something missing.

Which causes us to vent.

As we vent through and through,

It causes us to feel as if we are lost in a cave.

Trying to find our way out of it without a single clue.

Oh how they keep us spinning, those blue tidal waves.

“You were the only one I could count on.”

“No. I wasn’t.” I hate how he couldn’t just understand that. I hate how he makes it seem that he needs me. Like if I’m not there he’ll die.... And to think I used to like him. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate him... I just don’t want to have anything to do with him right now.

“What do you mean?” I read as he responds to my text.

“I am not the only one. You have a family. A mom, a dad, and you have siblings. You have other friends beside me. So just leave me alone.” As I send it, I contemplate whether or not it was the right way to go. I did mean what I said.... but I also didn’t. I did mean it when I said I wasn’t the only one. What I didn’t mean was when I told him I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted us to go back to the way things used to be. Before all of this mess came to be.

“Goodbye.”

Before I can get a reply I block him. As the phone becomes blurry I realize that I’m crying.... I wish this never happened.

Special thanks to @writing-is-ruining-my-life for the awesome prompt!

Dialogue Prompt

“You were the only one I could count on.”

“No. I wasn’t.”

#girlpower 

she’s an inspiration.

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The star maker says, "It is not so bad" The dream maker's going to make you mad The spaceman says, "Everybody look down It's all in your mind"

Spaceman by The Killers