Not Now Kitten Daddy's Googling His Symptoms

Not letting them pee because I like the way they squirm and cry while I fuck them with their bladder full. occasionally pushing down on it just to test their limits.

i will never be able to love someone without hating them.

I feel like i am years behind the people my age. All the work i have done in the past has lead up to nothing. Amounted to only me rotting in my bed, in my house, with not even the will to go outside because whats the point? I hear people tell me to move on, thats life, i can make new memories, new friends, new places to see. But how can i when all i can do is lament on how different life could have been. When all i do is ruminate on the things ive left behind and how cruel the world is to continuously take it from me, i with a weakened grip. A grasp so light on the new things i have because i know it will just be taken from me again and again. When does it ever stop being so painful? If it will be taken from me, whats the point of having anything at all. I do nothing but deteriorate the things i do have because of this, like a curse of touch. It saddens me. I wish life had been different

and I want to do things. I really do. I want to make friends and go places but. Theres a certain point where it gets just so tiring. Im tired of getting to know people. Im tired of people trying to get to know me. Im tired of being betrayed, being hurt, having my trust misplaced. Im years ahead on this distaste i have towards other people, but im so far behind people my age. I barely know the first thing about insurance. Im not even relatively independent. I have my mother help me on taxes. Fuck im not even doing a real online college course yet. Im not great at drawing. Im not famous. I dont like tiktok, or social media algorithms. I dont like being known. Is there anything I can be that’s substantial in life?

my younger self would have thought of me a disappointment

(crawls on all fours with blood drenched on me) I have to do arts and crafts

Someone please tell me this isn’t an original experience.. do you ever get so insanely infatuated with someone (who you don’t necessarily know super well/like that much) that you crave validation from this person to the point that if they look at you wrong or say one wrong thing you convince yourself they hate you and start deeply hating them and any little thing they say can send you into a mental breakdown ?? No just me?? Ok.

i like clingy. i like double texts. i like random calls. i like paragraphs. I love being excited to talk <3

"Stop for me" "don't cut for me" "don't starve it hurts me too"

Shut it I literally hate you...

"Let's cut together!" "Wanna fast together??" "Let's pull all night like a sleepover!"

YES YESSSS!!! (ᗒ⩊ᗕ) pleaaaassseee

This is so boring I want cigarettes

im doing it again. i can feel it.

i'm much too excited anytime i get a notification. and then hit with a disappointment so intense that it's crippling when i realize it's not you.

i'm starting to think that the void in my chest of wanting to be understood is never going to be actually properly filled in. just sort of painted over in an attempt to conceal the big gaping wound of a hole in the wall like how landlords do to shitty apartments.

i don't know why i choose to spend my time here. waiting for others who aren't waiting for me. hoping that in every stranger i meet, there is someone who will really get me and understand the things that go on inside my brain.