I Want Retribution. I Want Consequences For Actions I Have Not Taken But Thought About, Not For Any Sort

I want retribution. I want consequences for actions i have not taken but thought about, not for any sort of justice but just to know that it happened. i want someone to recognize my vile nature and hate me for it. i want my friends to realize i cant care about them and leave i want everyone i’ve ever imagined dying to know that i did that. I want to be observed and have some higher power decide that i deserve eternal punishment in some karmic way. I need to know my thoughts have consequences or at least my actions but neither is true. I want someone to see through my lies and call me out, i want what i do to mean something, and what i feel to matter even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones. I want my apathy to be forcefully taken from me. I want to feel and live and breath and suffer instead of this heavy nothing. I want retribution.

More Posts from Thoughts-of-a-lunatic and Others

I’ve gotten to a point where everytime a show takes a heavily implied queer couple and makes them cannon it feels weirdly out of character. An logically I know that the only reason this is is because queerness and queer people getting acknowledged by media is so unexpected these days.


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2 years ago

TW: SH and Suicidal thoughts

Not my dumbass going for round two of selfharm after like twenty minutes. Boi you literally were just crying to ur friend about being suicidal and now ur doing this shite? mmmmmmm tastes like ✨issues✨

7 months ago

i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good

7 months ago

drug abuse? Noooo, i would never do that the drugs. I love drugs.

7 months ago
SCOUT WHAT R U DOING
SCOUT WHAT R U DOING

SCOUT WHAT R U DOING

Warnings: Implied Arophobia (external and internal), Dehumanization

Other Notes: Author just kinda is self pitying and also has poor writing and now you’ve been warned so it’s your fault if you read it

Pining is often seen as one of the most heartbreaking things. The idea that you are hopelessly in an unrequited love is a textbook formula for tragedy. I have never been on this side of pining. I don‘t expierience romantic love at all so how could I really. This doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in a relationship with someone though. Even when I know objectively i‘d be quite a poor partner. I find myself wishing for a partner sometimes, someone to love and hold but whenever I try to put a face to it the idea inevitably falls apart, because any face (fictional or otherwise) won‘t be able to incite that love in me. Everything I start thinking this way I feel like an outsider looking in onto this „universal“ human experience, something that separates me even more from those around me. How could I be human if I can‘t love like them? So no I’ve never pined after someone, but iv‘e wanted to. Ever since arbitrarily picking someone to have a „crush“ on in elementary school I’ve wanted to love someone, to be infatuated and trip up on words while dreamily putting our initials together and planning a wedding in my head. To feel heat rise up to my cheeks as confirmation of my love, of my humanity. I would even take an unrequited aching type of love, even if only to finally be on the inside for once, to not be the heartless one rejecting the protagonist, to not be the villain in a romcom, to not be loveless. Instead i am left pining over the idea of pining, love only ever twice removed, an afterimage at best. I really do love love, it just doesn’t‘t love me back.


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7 months ago

found this one image and it reminded me of evbo

Found This One Image And It Reminded Me Of Evbo
7 months ago
A Noob Trying To Make It Pro

A noob trying to make it pro

2 months ago

its 2025 bring back oppa marriage style

[gets down on on knee] oppa…marriage style?

7 months ago
Why Was Seawatt Kind Of Sassy

why was seawatt kind of sassy

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thoughts-of-a-lunatic - Insane ramblings 1/2 off!
Insane ramblings 1/2 off!

This is just a bunch of thinly veiled rants about my fucked up brain.

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