Warnings: Implied Arophobia (external And Internal), Dehumanization

Warnings: Implied Arophobia (external and internal), Dehumanization

Other Notes: Author just kinda is self pitying and also has poor writing and now you’ve been warned so it’s your fault if you read it

Pining is often seen as one of the most heartbreaking things. The idea that you are hopelessly in an unrequited love is a textbook formula for tragedy. I have never been on this side of pining. I don‘t expierience romantic love at all so how could I really. This doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in a relationship with someone though. Even when I know objectively i‘d be quite a poor partner. I find myself wishing for a partner sometimes, someone to love and hold but whenever I try to put a face to it the idea inevitably falls apart, because any face (fictional or otherwise) won‘t be able to incite that love in me. Everything I start thinking this way I feel like an outsider looking in onto this „universal“ human experience, something that separates me even more from those around me. How could I be human if I can‘t love like them? So no I’ve never pined after someone, but iv‘e wanted to. Ever since arbitrarily picking someone to have a „crush“ on in elementary school I’ve wanted to love someone, to be infatuated and trip up on words while dreamily putting our initials together and planning a wedding in my head. To feel heat rise up to my cheeks as confirmation of my love, of my humanity. I would even take an unrequited aching type of love, even if only to finally be on the inside for once, to not be the heartless one rejecting the protagonist, to not be the villain in a romcom, to not be loveless. Instead i am left pining over the idea of pining, love only ever twice removed, an afterimage at best. I really do love love, it just doesn’t‘t love me back.

More Posts from Thoughts-of-a-lunatic and Others

7 months ago
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is
Imagine Being Parkour Champion And You Dont Even Know What Rain Is

imagine being parkour champion and you dont even know what rain is

7 months ago

Parkour Civilization 1 is about how capitalism incentives the people living within it to keep moving up its ranks (even though it’s functionally impossible to do so), believing they’ll be safe if they just get a bit richer, only to be in a situation that’s even more difficult to maintain. How one bad fall can cost you everything, and how it’s much easier for the rich to avoid making that fall.

Parkour Civilization 2 is about getting betrayed by queercoded bitches (you are parkour Jesus Christ).

people when mental illness actually makes you unpalatable and disappointing instead of just making you quirky online

People When Mental Illness Actually Makes You Unpalatable And Disappointing Instead Of Just Making You
2 years ago

Tw: Failed Suicide attempt, Suicidal thoughts, Self harm (hinted), Abuse of Power, Psych Wards, Implied other forms of Abuse, Severe Mental Illness, Forceful Medication (Mentioned)

My time in the mental hospital wasnt fun. Of course no ones reallly is but regardeless. It wasn‘t necessarily the worst, but i have some horror stories. Like when an adult patient came into the childrens ward becuase he was „still in highschool“ and was loudly argued with and then had to be dragged out by the police. Or when i got put in the bad corner for tapping on the wals during quit time and then when i asked for a pen and paper to write down my feelings ,a coping mechanism we had just talked about in group, i was denied and then was left becuase someone else started having a breakdown and asked to be moved to the other mental illness timeout corner so i was less likely to hurt myself ,literally taking initiative and attempting to do the best for my own mental health, and was then called attention seeking for bothering someone when my fellow patient was having a breakdown (the guy who i was asking permission from was just sitting at a desk). What i hated the most was the fact that i wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone because they took me away during quiet time and when i started arguing they threatened to keep me for another week. Sure i have more stories, there was a nine year old who was both suicidal and homicidal, but guess What? She was nice. She had to be put on paper only gowns, lived in the white room, had to be forcefully fed meds, and had been to that specific hospital 5 times alone, and she treated me with more compassion then any of the nurses did. We were friends, i helped her draw, and she confided in me terrible things she had not told anyone about her home-life because i treated her like a human. I never saw her again. The point to this, above all else, is that this system doesn’t work. I felt just as suicidal as I had before but now I was more scared to tell the truth about that because I didn’t want to go back. The people in power have no one to check that they are actually helping and the patients become inmates more often then not. And I know that ill try and commit again, and i hope to god that i‘ll succeed, because i can not go back there again.


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7 months ago

One day we need to have a conversation about how the majority of HR professionals are white women and how they operate as the single largest barrier to entry for non white people in corporate.

I’ve gotten to a point where everytime a show takes a heavily implied queer couple and makes them cannon it feels weirdly out of character. An logically I know that the only reason this is is because queerness and queer people getting acknowledged by media is so unexpected these days.


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10 months ago

everyone deserves a second shot

7 months ago
Why Was Seawatt Kind Of Sassy

why was seawatt kind of sassy

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thoughts-of-a-lunatic - Insane ramblings 1/2 off!
Insane ramblings 1/2 off!

This is just a bunch of thinly veiled rants about my fucked up brain.

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