Dink/Dark Link: So Your Weapon Of Choice Is Philosophy

I have been called. Well.. (also no ships included!!)

(Not my art btw)

I can’t fit all my favs :C. I literally have too many fav characters.

Now who to tag? Hmmm I have no idea! Anyone who wants to join, hop in!

Tagged by @tatsujeff 😙

Tag your 9 favorite characters!

idk if they’re my actual top 9 but they’re very important to me

tagging @waxfeatherss @wormautopsy @mira-blue @goldfyshie927 and other hoes ❤️

Wild: Sometimes, forgiveness means more than anything. The difference between life and death.

Four: Why are you in my room at 3 in the morning.

Wild: I didn't want to invoke the wrath of Time and Malon.

Four: And why did you come to me?

Wild: Hyrule burned water.

Four *suddenly wide awake*: Why did you let Hyrule near the stove?!

Wild: I didn't, he was just attracted to fire.

Twilight: … the important thing is that you learned something.

Wild walking away with half of his hair burnt and clothing covered in ash: No, I didn’t.

Green: you know you have more weapons then your fire rod right?

Red: And what is your point, hylian in fire rod distance?

Wild: I’m not that stupid!

Twilight: Wild, You litterally ate wax from a babybel.

Wild: HYRULE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Wind: I’m a pirate! The ocean itself fears my wrath! I killed Ganondorf when I was on my very first quest!

Legend: Yada yada. Yes you’re so scary but its time to SLEEP. Please go to sleep otherwise Time kills me!

Kai: How many Jay’s does it take to change a lightbulb?

Cole: Just one, the real question is how many ladders does he need?

Jay: *offended noises*

Anne: We have ways to make you talk.

Anne: *Slowly cuts a cake.*

Sprig: Can I have some?

Anne: Only talkers can have some.

Empire False: Who are you?

Hermit False: I’m you but better.

Empire False: Thats not a very high bar…

ALTERNATIVELY:

Empire False: Who are you?

Hermit False: I’m your worst nightmare.

Empire False: So you’re me, when I go halfway across the world to build something only to realize I forgot my building supplies, having my pickaxe break and all my iron vanishing from my farm? Oh and not remembering anything but thats not important-

Hermit False: Wha-?

The Hero Send

A prompt in the linked universe discord by 'A Hero of Way Too Many Wilds.'

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"Hello, thank you for calling Hero Send, what's your emergency?" A cool, pleasant, female voice asked through the call.

"THERE'S A GIANT PIG MONSTER CHASING ME AND-" A sharpened blade sliced where he was just earlier. The beast becoming human faster and faster. "ACK- HELP!!"

"Understood. Are you within our covered network of Hyrule?" The soothing voice asked smoothly. As if they had all the time in the world.

"YES! YES! I'M IN HYRULE FIELD! PLEASE SEND HELP!!! OH GODDESS, HE'S GOT A HORSE!!" He yelped as the once-pig beast now got on a skeletal mount and galloped towards him.

"Horseback, Hyrule field..." The woman's voice droned as sounds of very loud typing was resigered through the call. "All other heroes are currently asisting other customers. The closest is the Hero of Wilds. Would that suffice?" The woman inquired

"YES!" He shouted quickly.

"He's been informed and coming out there immediately."

"THANK YOU!!" He could only pratically cry tears of joy as the sounds battle as the Hero of Wilds came and made quick work of the beast.

"Hey Lullaby, how's the work been? Any new customers?" Malon asked, sticking her head into the room where Lullaby and several other Zeldas sat at several computers.

"Yes. A new call from Hytopia. I had sent Legend the on the case, since he has had work there before.

Malon nodded. "What about you Sun? Anything new with the different operations?"

Sun shook her head. "So far, nothing too bad has happened. What about you? How's been the new recruits?"

Malon smiled. "Doing quite well in fact. I was just talking with Tetra earlier about them. Sidon is particually excited. Miphia also told us many wonderful things about him."

Flora chuckled over to Malon's left.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Dusk you take it." Lullaby sighed, resting her head on her hands.

"Okay then."

"Hello, thank you for calling Hero Send, what's your emergency?" A female's voice asked.

"Hi, yes. Well there is this giant dinosaur with a turtle shell that breathes fire and is causing mass destruction." He spoke in his high pitched voice. "I was just tryin' to have a nice camping trip."

"Are you in our covered network of Hyrule?" The voice asked, more strained than before. Of course, he didn't notice.

"No, unfortunately not. But I will get the prenium package if I must. I am in the Mushroom Kingdom."

"I'm afraid that is a beyond our network systems. If you are looking for help in the Mushroom Kingdom, I hear the Mario and Luigi plumbing and saving service is special for that kingdom. I'm am very sorry for the inconvenience. I wish you luck and I truly hope you do not die."

A click sounded and Fable sighed, groaning in misery.

"Another call from the Mushroom Kingdom?" Dot asked, looking up from her computer, pity glinting in her eyes.

"That's the fourth time this week. I swear if I hear again about this giant, fire-breathing dino with a turtle shell I'm going to lose it." Fable groaned.

Dot gently patted her shoulder in apology.

(Captain Toad was upset. Mario and Luigi's plumbing and saving has the worst service. Plus! They aren't even free half the time. Also the Hero Send is so much more reliable. He growled in defeat, shaking his head sadly as Bowser roared in the background.)

Tetra sighed as she walked the hallways of the Hero's Send building. I don't understand why I can't take calls! She grumpily sat down on a bench and ate her sandwich.

"Hey its okay!" Aurora smiled as she sat next to Tetra, scooping bits of pasta into her mouth.

"I don't understand why I can't take calls!" Tetra exclaimed, waving her hands in the air.

"Maybe because the last couple of calls resulted in argueing matches? Also you broke our last phone, after getting a call from the mushroom kingdom again, by throwing it at a wall." Aurora blinked, wiping her mouth.

"Oh yeah.."

"Besides, you work much better as a captain and the boss of people. You're just a natural leader."

Hyrule sighed, after just healing an injured elder after a big attack, he wiped his forehead. Removing the sweat. Suddenly, he got a ding and stared at his comumicator.

Needed at Hebra mountain, please don't get lost!

Hyrule frowned, staring at the message.

"Is it just me, or has there been more attacks recently?" He asked Four, who had just helped him save a village.

Four nodded. "Yeah, and these monsters are not at all natural. Having this black blood and everything. I have an odd feeling that something's not right..."

"Yeah... Hey, which direction is Hebra Mountain? I forgot my map again."

"AGAIN?!"

"Hello and thank you for choosing Hero Send. Unfortunately our team is busy and unable to take your call. Your call is important to us. Please hold."

"THERE'S A GIANT OCTOROCK THAT'S DESTROYING MY BARN! NO I WILL NOT HOLD!"

Time groaned, his back aching.

"What old man. You having back troubles?" Warriors asked teasingly, swiping his sword through moblins that swarmed them.

"Well yes, I am old. But also I had to come the the Guerdo right after a call from Hyrule town."

"Ooh, that's rough."

"Oh its Mr Hero and Mr Pirate Hero!" Ravio exclaimed excitedly, clapping his hands together.

"Yes, hi Ravio. You called for help..?"

"Oh yes! Over there!"

"Ravio, where- uhm. Ravio... Do you know what kind of monster that is?"

"Oh my goddess! Legend!"

Ravio secretly cackled as the two heroes stared at the worst monster of all. A cucco. (Also Ravio never really needed help, he always loves when Mr Hero comes around though.)

Twilight's ears pinned back as the strange man approached. He growled as the young girl clutched his neck fearfully.

"Hey now, I ain't goin' to do nothin' with her." He said, his accently clearly fake.

Twilight narrowed his eyes and ran, with the child protectively on his back.

"Look! Doggie!" The child cried, rushing towards the wolf with odd patterns on him.

"Yes, doggie." Wild cackled quietly, watching Twilight glare at him totally worth it.

"Doggie!" the children cried, their tear soaked faces grinning with joy.

"Now this is Wolfie. Here let me show you something he really likes..." Wild explained.

(Twilight supposes it wasn't the worst. But he sure is going to make sure that the Zelda's hear his mind. He never signed up to be a wolfy companion. Then again, he supposes its not that bad. Seeing the children laugh again after a fire.)

"Welcome to the Hero Send. If you need any help, please see our recipetent. Otherwise, you may check out some of our finest items over in the 'Heroes Hoard', named after the one and only Hero of Legends." Mipha smiled as A goron walked past, lumbering over to the Heroes Hoard.

"Hey, where can I get the special lawn mowing service?"

"You can talk to Urbosa about that if you want. However, we are not responsible for pottery destruction." Mipha said with a complete straight face.

"Thank you!"

Oh for the love of the Goddess...

She stared at the ad of Hero Send. Her eyes flickered throughout the text.

"Are you in danger of death? Maybe you lost something important to you? Call 4166-hyaa to get the service of a Hero! They will be there instantly and you won't have to worry about a thing! Prenium packages and the off days include very unique and special heroes to help out with YOUR needs."

The Heroes include:

Out of Network Coverage: Hero of Time (Premium Package) best if you're on a time-crunch) Also capable of underwater rescues Hero of Legend (Premium Package) Useful for unexpected situations or traveling to alternate dimensions, also capable of underwater rescues Hero of Wind—Excels in sea-based rescues. Hero of Warriors—Usually an in-network coverage, can be called beyond Hyrule for an added premium fee. Usually has an army at his back.

In-Network Coverage (Within Hyrule) Hero of Sky—Premium Fee. Guaranteed to blast away any corrupted energies, wonderful for dispelling curses. Hero of Four—Four-for-one (premium upgrade required). can reforge legendary artifacts as needed, and fits into smaller spaces. Hero of Twilight—Excellent tracker. Can even act as companion wolf for added fee. If you've lost something, he can find it. Hero of Hyrule—(can be called out of network for a Golden Premium Package Fee) Excellent healer. Can take the form of a fairy for a premium fee. May disappear at times, but he will fulfill his duty. Hero of Wild—Can tackle anything. Usually good at finding hidden items, will often disappear (not rec for escorts) Beware of fire.

Off days and unique heroes:

Hero of Spirits- Very good engineer and very intelegente. Good at fixing things. Only available on New Hyrule. Hero of Light- (Prenium Package). Works on Time crunch situtaions. Can investigate and resolve disputes. Only available in certain regions. Hero of Rhythm- Good all-around worker. Likes to dance a lot. Good at throwing parties. Only active on fesitvals. Very good entertainer and good at cheering you up. Hero of Men- Only available for the forest communities, we are not in touch with them very much. Does not talk much. Linkle- (Prenium Fee) Hero of Warriors's sister, very good fighter and is usually accompanied by a group of cuccos. Unpredictable and can get lost very easily."

She smiled knowing they were in good hands

The Hero Send. Its scoffed, its red eyes rolling at the name. They think by summoning those pesky heroes, that I will just what? Stop and lay down dead? Hylians so reliant on their devices nowdays. It would be a shame if everyone were to suddenly lose power.. It smiled wickedly, sharp, crooked, jagged teeth gleaming in the moonlight. It fiddled around with a wire before snapping it into two, forcefully cutting out the power quickly.

When the heroes do come, I will send them to an early grave.

The Hero Send, Adventure of the Special Heroes