ALRIGHT, MON-CHAN IS HERE!!! :)

I'm trying to continue writing the draft which is basically a remake of the intro to my main bnha dr, but every time I come online and try to write something down I'm just unable to do so. I've been thinking about what happened the last time I tried to shift to that dr, it happened about a week ago I think.

Basically I was lying in bed, visualising my dr bedroom and eventually I fell asleep. When I woke up I was still here, but it was pretty early in the morning (around 3am if I remember correctly), so I began my lazy method again.

While I was visualising I felt something- and it wasn't pleasant at all.

Basically when I do my lazy method I just imagine that I'm my dr self and I'm laying in bed in my dr bedroom. But that can get kinda boring so, since I scripted that eventually Kurogiri will come into my room to wake me up, I prefer to imagine the same thing but Kurogiri is already there. I don't know why, it helps me concentrate more for some reason. Usually when I'm particularly sleepy and cozy I can't help myself but think about him sitting at the edge of my bed and running his hand through my hair (words cannot describe how much I like that- it's an amazing feeling- it makes me feel so cozy and loved😭🙏🏻💕)

So now you might be thinking "did you actually feel his hand on your head while you were trying to shift?"

Unfortunately no- I really wish that was it, but it wasn't.

I was doing my method, like usual, and suddenly I felt a hand touching the left side of my body on top of my blanket. It basically tapped my body from my hip to my shoulder and then once on my mouth which was covered by the blanket. When I tell you I was TERRIFIED it's an understatement- I literally thought someone was in the house. My first reaction was to pretend to be asleep and my heart was RACING. Eventually I said fuck it and did a reality check (pinched my nose and tried to breathe) just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

The worst part is that it wasn't just a feeling, I literally perceived a hand- specifically a left hand (don't ask me why a left hand, but when that happened I could only picture a left hand for some reason).

Kurogiri would NEVER touch me like that, NEVER!!

So I know for a fact that wasn't him and I wasn't feeling something from my dr. I know I probably was just half asleep and feeling weird shit, but it's not the first time I wake up in the middle of the night and go back to sleep feeling like that AND THAT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE- and coincidentally it happened right while I was doing my method.

I don't know, but whenever I think back to it, and I try to connect it to my dr for some reason (the reason being I'm delusional), I can only think of All For One- HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS MAN? THE SHEER HATRED I FEEL FOR THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT MOTIVATE ME TO SHIFT TO MY MAN BNHA DR- I GENUINELY CANNOT WAIT FOR HIS DEATH, WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I WILL BE ONCE THAT HAPPENS-

So yeah, I'm kinda going insane for what happened and now my hatred for All For One has reached a new level- can't believe my dr self will (temporary, thank fuck-) think of this man as a saviour and some kind of role model and shit-

I don't know why the hate I feel for him motivates me to shift, but it's so funny because whenever something bad yet silly happens in the cr I just pretend that's him trying to sabotage me and I'm like "bitch ass motherfucker that's not gonna work, I'm shifting and kicking your fucking ass💪🏻😼"

All For One I hope you shit your pants and have a horrible day overall!!!😘🥰😍

To-do lists:

I feel like making to-do lists of the things we need to do in our dr(s) could be super cool and motivating, like "oh damn! I almost forgot I have to do that! Gotta do that as soon as possible! :D"

My to-do list for my waiting room would include things like: finish that one script, spawn that one character and that other character and watch them argue over the stupidest things, relax, finish that one game, etc.

While my to-do list for my main bnha dr would include things like: annoy the living shit out of Kurogiri (like the little annoying brother that I am), finish that one game (something in common with my wr :D), get your hands on that other game (piracy: the most innocent crime I commit in my dr), training (all I have is speed, stamina and my not-so-working quirk- I have no muscles and I can't really do anything about that- please let me train that damn quirk before canon events start-), etc.

...

Yeah, I'll probably make a proper post about this because why not- I'm bored and still sick😭

Yesterday I randomly found something that really reminded me of Kurogiri from my main bnha reality. I was tired so I didn't think too much about it, but I took a screenshot anyway.

A few minutes ago I was in my gallery, thinking about my dr and all, and I saw the screenshot.

"I'm not crying, you are!" that's what I would say if I wasn't crying- I'M CRYING-

I MISS MY BIG BROTHER SO MUCH- GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

↑ this was the thing I saw by the way. If I don't shift tonight and I don't get to hug Kurogiri for AT LEAST an hour straight, I'm going to make it everyone's problem-

This is kind of a rant about what the hell I'm scripting in my main bnha reality (and also a little rant about how much I love the people in my dr- but it's not the 'hehe I love them so much' kind of post, it's more like 'I'd literally die for them', so be careful I guess-). Also a little update about the post in which I talked about me and the lov becoming immortal because fuck death.

Also you know the drill: making this post helped me better organise my thoughts and all that!

So in my main bnha reality I'm literally Shigaraki, so my script MUST have safety things for trauma and things like that...BUT...

I've been feeling like absolute shit lately and that's because I feel like an horrible fucking human being specifically for scripting these safety rules. Because what do you mean that I go through horrible shit and feel fine while my friends, who also go through horrible shit, will live with it for the rest of their lives? (+ I scripted that we become immortal, so even worse).

Who do I think I am? I'm not above them, so why would I script that I get to not experience trauma and they do?

"Just script that they also don't get traumatised" alright, what are we fighting for then? If our experiences don't affect us then why are we trying this hard to change society and create a better world? For fun? No. Absolutely not.

"You don't need to be incredibly scarred to want change" true, but would we fucking sacrifice ourselves for it? No, because there's a chance of us having a 'if it doesn't affect us that much then it isn't really our problem' kind of mentality- but even if we didn't (because I can just script that doesn't happen), as I already said, I doubt we'd be willing to die for it.

"Then don't shift there" I don't wanna fucking hear it, I have my reasons to shift there.

The thing that I want you to understand is the fact that I love the people in my dr and I would do anything- ANYTHING for them. And if that means going though hell and back and risk my life then I'm gonna fucking do it. If being equal to them means scripting out some safety rules then I'm gonna fucking do it.

I feel like this is the only way for me to feel at peace because OH MY GOD- THIS HAS BEEN EATING ME ALIVE FOR A LONG TIME- I didn't want to do it, but it's the only thing that feels...'right'- I feel like it's fair to my friends and also anyone that goes through horrible shit in my dr too. Because I'm not more important than anyone, we're all in this together god damnit.

At first I thought of scripting that yes, I feel completely fine but I still act like 'canon Shigaraki' would, but I feel like such a big liar- I don't want to lie to my friends, especially about something serious like this. It'd feel like I'm making fun of them or something.

Also, reminder that where I shift and what I script doesn't affect you in any way, so I don't want to hear anything like "are you stupid or something?" or anything similar. I know that I'm stupid and that it's going to be horrible, but for me it's worth it + I'm not coming back to the cr, so if I regret this decision I can always shift to a reality in which what I experienced doesn't effect me in the slightest, so I'll be alright. Hell, I could even script I don't remember it at all if I want to!

So what am I scripting now?

Keep in mind that I'm never going to come back here. Once I shift I'm going to spend 90% of my time in my main bnha reality and the rest 10% will be spent in other realities including waiting rooms. In all of my realities (drs and wrs) I scripted that not only I can't 'bring back trauma' but my mind is 'made of steel', so even if I go through horrible shit I won't develop anything like PTSD/C-PTSD or other similar conditions. So basically I can't get traumatised.

But there is one exception and that is my main bnha reality. Obviously I didn't just erase all of my safety rules regarding trauma, but almost.

So what am I doing?

I'm still scripting this, so I apologise if it's messy.

Basically when I first shift to my dr it'll be the 4th of April 2124. For a week I'll be completely fine. After that week, in a span of about two weeks my mind will gradually 'go back to what it's supposed to be like', so the trauma will be there.

"That's not how it works" 80% of the population in my main reality has superpowers, I don't want to hear it.

The reason why I scripted this is because it'll basically help me decide if I want to stick with it or if it'd be better to go to a waiting room and modify my script.

I scripted that I forget my script while I'm in my dr and I remember it whenever I'm in a different reality. But just to be sure, I scripted that I'll never forget that I shifted and I can shift whenever I want (and every attempt is successful + I remember my other realities, especially waiting rooms, but I'll forget the 'plot' of the ones that are kind of similar to this one, just to be sure); I always remember what I scripted for safety and for the lifa app; I'll never confuse memories; I remember that I'll never die, I know that everything is going to end well no matter how fucked up the situation is and I know that what I scripted about trauma and similar things is for a good reason, it's 100% worth it in the end and I'll never regret it (+ I know that it's temporary- continue reading to understand.)

I'd also like to add that if I went through the same things that my dr self went and will go through in the cr I wouldn't last a second. But my dr self is WAY stronger, both physically and mentally. My dr self deals with these kinds of things WAY better than my cr self. So there's also that.

"But what about you guys becoming immortal?" I scripted that the immortality quirk not only grants...well, immortality- but it also puts the target in a better condition to live forever. So basically we become immortal and we say bye bye to our trauma.

This doesn't mean that we forget what happened, but those memories won't affect us the same way they did before. Maybe they're a little uncomfortable to think about, maybe they make us feel sad, angry and sometimes scared, but they definitely don't have the same effect as before. They'll be easier to deal with, to not think about, etc.

Once I decided to script this I also contemplated what I scripted for physical pain- I'LL STILL HAVE A REALLY HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE, DON'T WORRY- but if you look at canon Shigaraki... that's basically it- got shot at least 4 times in a span of two milliseconds? grunted and didn't shead a tear. Redestro destroying his hand? Made a face, grunted, didn't shead a tear. The surgery to get All For One's quirk? Screamed at the top of his lungs, still didn't shead a tear. The war? Didn't shead a single tear.

With this I don't mean that he doesn't feel pain, he definitely does, but he deals with it REALLY well. His pain tolerance is incredible. It only makes sense for me to script that (+ after the surgery my pain tolerance will skyrocket thanks to whatever quirk is stored inside All For One.)

Obviously the same thing I scripted for trauma applies here: I know I didn't script it for nothing and it's worth it in the end.

In other words I'm a crazy bitch.

I'm working on both my main bnha reality script and a new one (that I won't be sharing because it's a little bit too personal) so now I'm alternating obsessing over these two realities.

But my little human brain is worried that if I make an attempt to shift to another reality different from my bnha one, which is the one I put more effort in, I'll magically lose the progress I made.

Can someone be like "the fuck are you talking about? You won't lose anything!" because I'm going insane-

I love making memes of my dr self absolutely demolishing All For One😘🥰😍

(I'm currently sick and have nothing better to do)

Me and the League Of Villains reuniting after the war is over like:

Ever since I joined Shiftblr and started doing methods I've noticed a few things. These are things like feeling slightly detached from here and feeling closer to the people in my dr.

Something that particularly caught my attention was how whenever I do my method I feel extremely tired, both physically and mentally. It only seems to happen when I do my method. The day after I always find myself trying to understand where I am for a moment- I don't know, it's pretty weird, but also so interesting.

But I actually made this post to talk about something that happened yesterday.

I was listening to music while thinking about my dr, specifically my main bnha reality. Reminder that I'm Shigaraki in this dr- I feel like this is important to know or else the post doesn't really make that much sense.

I was switching between a silly game on my phone and Tumblr – I was really bored and didn't know what to do – while I was basically giggling and kicking my feet at the thought of waking up in my dr and give my big brother a big hug because OH MY GOD, KUROGIRI DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD!!

Lately whenever I think about my dr I just want a big hug from the people in my dr. I mainly think about Kurogiri, who in the present of my dr I've known for about 11 years. I also think a lot about Spinner. I don't know him yet in my dr, but he'll be my s/o and I genuinely cannot wait!!

So I was just chilling in bed, listening to music and visualising while giggling and kicking my feet, thinking about how amazing it's going to be to finally be with the people I love the most, when suddenly something pops up in my mind.

I don't recall having similar thoughts pop up in my mind ever since I started to take my shifting journey more seriously, so it took me by surprise.

I literally went from childishly thinking about hugging my big brother to thinking something along the lines of "I wonder how a hug from Sensei would be like."

...

WHAT THE FUCK???

When I tell you I was shaken it's an understatement.

As soon as I realised what the fuck popped into my mind I literally felt a heavy weight on my chest- I literally had to calm myself down because I was starting to breathe a little strange.

What scared me wasn't how I was feeling, it was whatever the fuck that thought was.

In the cr I know damn well how much of a horrible being All For One is. I know the truth about what happened to me – which was all because of him – and I know everything he has done and everything he will do. In my dr, at least in the present, I don't. In the present of my dr I like him, I care about him. At first I'll view this man as my saviour, my mentor- but he never was and never will be any of that.

What the fuck do you mean you'd like a hug from All For One?

Genuinely, what. the. fuck?

I've been feeling like shit since yesterday because of it- I still feel that weight on my chest, although the intensity seems to come and go (and luckily sometimes it's not there at all- which is whenever I'm not thinking about my dr.)

This is so fucking trippy to me. Here I genuinely cannot wait for that man's death while, in the present of my dr, my dr self can't wait to...I don't know- simply see him in person, because ever since he got killed by All Might and revived by Daruma he hasn't really been able to physically be there and we haven't been able to go to him either.

The thought of wanting any kind of affection from him is absolutely disgusting for me in the cr, while in the present of my dr I would feel honoured to experience anything like that from him.

(I keep specifying 'present of my dr' because in the future I'll know the truth and I'll hate him to death. Just to be clear)

And do you want to know another fucked up thing that happened yesterday?

This time it was morning. I was on the bus, making my way to school while listening to music and, again, thinking about my dr.

I was half asleep and I was easily zoning out.

And then suddenly my random thoughts get interrupted by another thought about All For One.

The thing that worries me a little bit is that this time it was 'a scene'. But the not so pleasant thing about it is that considering what I scripted it shouldn't be possible in my dr.

Lately I've actually been considering adding an 'arc' to my script. And this scene enters perfectly in this 'arc'.

Here's a piece of information before I tell you what this scene was about:

Thinking of canon bnha, you know that place within Deku's mind- or Shigaraki's mind- in which the vestiges are stored and you can interact with them? I genuinely do not remember if it has a canon name and if there is I cannot seem to find it. Basically in my dr they're generally called 'Vestige Realms'. All For One's, a literal black hole, is called The Black Hole or Vestige Realm (generic because it's the first and original one). Deku's called 'Vestige Room' because it's supposed to resemble the room in which Yoichi was trapped by All For One. Mine is called 'Vestige World' because, aside from being relatively large and even having a whole city in it (in the middle of which there's my childhood house), it seemingly goes on forever. Basically mine seems the more realistic, the closest to a real life place. The reason why me and Deku will give these places names is because we'll be talking about them a lot together- and also because One For All and All For One (the quirk) will not disappear after the war, so we might as well get comfortable with them.

So what happens in this scene?

You know how All For One's vestige didn't go back in time like his real body did? Well, forget that, in this scene his face and hair were there- which actually make sense considering what I was considering to script.

Basically me and him were in the Vestige World, but the specific zone we were in wasn't part of the city. I remember my first thought about this was that it was a 'new area' that only generated after the war. Again, this makes sense for what I was thinking of scripting.

I remember a big garden-like place. The grass was a bright, healthy green and I could see a few white flowers scattered here and there, probably daisies- my dr self loves daisies actually, so that was nice. And yes, this still makes sense for what I wanted to script.

I was wearing what I'll last wear during the war, so basically just a ragged pair of black pants. On the other hand, All For One was wearing the white, red and black 'robe' he basically steals during the war. And yes, this still makes sense.

Do you want to know the 'best' part? The 'funny' part of all this is that I was on the ground facing upwards. All For One was kneeling on top of me while literally choking me with his right hand and keeping my right hand still with the other.

I remember he was extremely angry and was yelling something. I have no idea what he was saying, but I have a feeling it was something about how I belong to him, I have to do everything he says and that he's going to take control of my body once and for all. Which makes sense for what I was thinking of scripting.

The actual funny part is that, if I actually script the arc I wanted to, he'll fail miserably for the second time.

So you know what? Sure. I'm scripting the arc I had in mind in my dr, I want to see him fail for the second time in a row. I want to see him suffer a second time.

God, how I hate this bitch. He's been plaguing my thoughts lately and I don't like it.

I'm actually tweaking right now-

I MIGHT HAVE ALMOST SHIFTED LAST NIGHT-

Let me tell you what happened-

And even if I wasn't actually about to shift then I'm going to be delusional because I said so and because it'd be so fucking motivating-

So I went to bed like usual and I started doing my 'lazy method', how I like to call it. Basically I just get comfy in bed and I imagine being in my dr, specifically where I scripted I'll be the first time I shift (for my main bnha reality it'd be my bedroom). Before I actually tell you what happened, it's important for you to know a little bit about my cr and dr bedrooms.

When I'm laying in my cr bed there's a wall on my right (assuming I'm laying on my back). A part of the door to my room is 'blurred glass'- I don't know how it's called, I'm sorry- and you can still see some light coming in, despite the fact there's some kind of curtain over it.

On the other hand, my dr bed has a wall on the left instead of the right. Also the room is pitch black when the door is closed and the light is turned off (also there are no windows).

So what happened? I was in bed, visualising my dr when suddenly I felt like opening my eyes. I don't remember why I wanted to do that, but note that in my script I wrote that my eyes open automatically once I'm there. When I opened my eyes they physically felt weird and at first it was pitch black, but then it immediately went back to looking exactly like my cr bedroom (I could see thanks to the light coming from the kitchen opposite my door). When that happened my heart was beating like crazy, like when you feel that falling sensation but without the falling sensation, if that makes sense. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt like I didn't 'perceive' my surroundings. I didn't 'feel' the wall on my right, but I didn't feel one on my left either, like it'd be in my dr. I didn't feel my blankets or the general shape of the room or anything else really. And my first thought was 'I'm shifting'.

Yesterday I didn't think about it that much because I was super tired, but when I woke up this morning I FLIPPED!!

So yeah, I'm tweaking right now, I'm about to spontaneously combust :)

Ok...guys, I know I said I was going to be in my drafts all day, but not only my internet connection fucking sucks today but I also just found out about freeform poetry and you know I'm about to write some corny shit dedicated to my s/o-

Spinner I'm so sorry for whatever monstrosity I'm going to dedicate to you- please don't make fun of me pookie😭🙏🏻 (I know he'd never, he'd actually spontaneously combust positively if I were to write poetry about him, but I'll say it anyway)