Follow Your Passion: A Seamless Tumblr Journey
Kinkdiary - Blog Posts
I make new discoveries everyday..
Update!
I ended up showing this to a few friends when the topic of 'kink negotiation' came up and because I think it's super important I used my results as an example of how it could be used to measure kink compatibility. And apparently a few of them took it, so I'll consider that a win for shamelessness, lol.
I took the BDSM quiz today after hearing about it on a JAnderson Stream Vod. I thought it'd be fun to plunk around and take it while slacking at work.
And here I am, looking at the results. They're accurate to what I answered but seeing it all laid out like that is. Uncomfy.
I thought I had reached a threshold of shamelessness that I would be able to send this to my friends but the results are ones I'm feeling weird about posting to my Kink Diary Tumblr that has No Connection to my Real Name.
I gotta work on my shamelessness. Shame is for the Catholics, man.
Idk. If you got questions, concerns, or criticisms about my kink preferences, send an ask or message and I'll answer it.
Gotta say, being into older people is a winning investment. The people who get my references are only going to age into the bracket I like for the next, like, 30 years.
Sometimes I have to question my brain's idea of who I should be. Like, these cotton gloves feel more like 'me' than my hands do. Girl, is this some kinda a self image issue? What do you want from me? Get better hands?
In short, I'm wearing gloves for now. When it starts getting warm again, I'll hope this isn't still an issue. ¯\_(= ͢ =)_/¯
The pure eroticism of an Ace Bandage is not fully taken advantage of, I feel. The implications are clear.
Barely covering scarred skin, vulnerable flesh, a package to be unwrapped but also a rough texture made to protect them. The elastic and cotton arguing over it's texture pulled just barely not taut by skilled and gentle hands. To apply it is sex. To allow it to be applied is sex, to peel it away is sex, to reveal yourself as healed or still damaged is sex.
Okay, you know the whole 'that emoji fuckin' works' bit that makes the rounds from someone's standup show?
The BDSM quiz is a game changer, because if you answer honestly, it gives results that work, dude.
I took the BDSM quiz today after hearing about it on a JAnderson Stream Vod. I thought it'd be fun to plunk around and take it while slacking at work.
And here I am, looking at the results. They're accurate to what I answered but seeing it all laid out like that is. Uncomfy.
I thought I had reached a threshold of shamelessness that I would be able to send this to my friends but the results are ones I'm feeling weird about posting to my Kink Diary Tumblr that has No Connection to my Real Name.
I gotta work on my shamelessness. Shame is for the Catholics, man.
Idk. If you got questions, concerns, or criticisms about my kink preferences, send an ask or message and I'll answer it.
I took the BDSM quiz today after hearing about it on a JAnderson Stream Vod. I thought it'd be fun to plunk around and take it while slacking at work.
And here I am, looking at the results. They're accurate to what I answered but seeing it all laid out like that is. Uncomfy.
I thought I had reached a threshold of shamelessness that I would be able to send this to my friends but the results are ones I'm feeling weird about posting to my Kink Diary Tumblr that has No Connection to my Real Name.
I gotta work on my shamelessness. Shame is for the Catholics, man.
Idk. If you got questions, concerns, or criticisms about my kink preferences, send an ask or message and I'll answer it.
This isn't a review or anything I just... I think I came to a weird realization.
So I frequent a lot of pornographic forums (mostly due to the human desire to talk about something you like) and I find they drop into two categories neatly:
1: aw yeah we're so fucked up and I love being a degenerate yeeea
Or 2: so I'm looking around and it seems like everyone here is missing, like, the exact same thing from their daily life that this gives me. Which uh, feels bad, but I guess this is group therapy now.
Like, check any gentle-dom, mommydom, even some pegging forums and you will just find a wealth of "oh." As people realize the bone deep desire to be told they are loved, wanted, and are doing a good job is uh, not primarily at least, a sex thing.
Posts with titled like "I don't care about gender, sex, identity, I just want to be loved" over a shockingly well rendered animation of a dude getting his back blown out by an older woman hit different when you know they're 1000% serious.
Like. I am guilty. I'm on those forums.
But I find myself at times of weakness, where I wonder if I'm Ace or Aro at all, having to draw a knife's edge border between psychological need and genuine desire.
And I do not know where that line is because I am not sure I've ever been on the other side of it.
Like, do I want romance or is the love of a trusted person a shockingly effective shortcut to self-actualizing and pride? Do I want to engage in a sexual act with someone or is it just a fastpass ticket to being told I am wanted and worthy of being desired?
Is it BDSM or do I just want to be reassured that what I'm doing is good, correct, and effective? That I can engage in an act I am unconfident in and be forgiven my inability due to my lack of choice and being provided constant instruction.
Am I not AroAce or just Insecure?
Ahh idk. It feels good to scream to the void. I'll figure it out, or I won't. Ain't like it's the weight of the world.
There's something so inherently vulnerable about dentist's offices, even beyond the hands in your mouth. It's the turning of your head before they tell you to, the forcible relaxing of an involuntary tensing up, opening yourself wider and feeling ashamed that they even had to ask you.
Like, I am not, by any stretch in my daily life, a bottom. But at a dentist's office or hair salon, I become so willing to do things for another person, bordering on the sublime desire. I think this is what submissives experience in every interaction.
Something I've noticed in recent years is my habit of rationing out the things I enjoy. I take each bite carefully of the meals I really love, just make sure I don't miss them. I rotate the games I play and the books I read so I don't end up too deep in one when it runs out. Hell, there are some fanfics that I've had sitting in the wings for a rainy day.
I'm not sure where it comes from exactly, but there's a real sense that there's simply not enough of the things I truly like for me to consume. Webnovels, even with thousands of chapters, run out, either because it's ongoing and I've caught up or because that's all that there will ever be. It's part of the reason I read them. They last long enough to fulfill my ability to hyperfixate.
But the better the thing the stronger the fixation, and I still find myself hungry for some games, webnovels, or fanfics, even years later, and a part of me wishes I'd taken more time to savor the meal. I'm the media equivalent of a broke 22 year old dude kicking himself for buying a pizza when he was 16, I know, but you can't experience anything for the first time twice.
No matter how much you enjoyed it the first time.
So this is a maybe uncomfy one, since it's about my own pseudosexual preferences.
A lot of my knowledge of my wants and likes comes from experimentation. This is usually how people learn stuff, but I've always felt strange about learning tricks to do with my own body that I'll never teach anyone to do to me, but I suppose it can't hurt to be informed. The part that confuses me is information that seems like it would imply something deeper but it just doesn't. Some examples of this (try at home!)
1 - Leg positioning. Going full spread eagle frog legged while laying down is peak positioning, and feels the most intense.
Therefore, one would extrapolate a similar affinity to catching, due to similarity in position and overall dominance structure. This is... Incorrect. I may have made an expensive purchase or two before realizing it just wasn't me.
2 - Blindfolded, gagged. I like not seeing things and knowing that I cannot for the time being. It feels more private than being alone and makes me bolder. I also find myself enjoying biting down on a wad of cloth, it makes me more vocal.
Extrapolation would state 'BDSM enjoyer, enjoys a loss of control and a sense of not knowing what's next'. Also wrong, I think I just spent so much of my sexual life in a dark room, being quiet, that cloth that blocks my vision and muffles my voice just makes me feel at home. Besides, the light pressure on the eyes lets my Neurodivergency just give up on visuals, which lets me relax.
3 - underwear and t shirts. I have genuine preference for a body clothed rather than not. Feeling at a torso through a shirt or gloved hands, or (a personal favorite) oral sex done through a pair of boxer-briefs.
Extrapolation would state that I'm an exhibitionist and like doing it in secret in public places, but the truth is I just have a texture issue with skin. Wet skin is... Just awful. Cotton just feels more appealing to the touch. It's just a sensory issue. The underwear thing is pure kink tho, cuz the mild ambiguity of a tent or bulge is great, and I've got a filthy weakness for a big sticky mess, gift-wrapped. Same with leaking.
So yeah, uncomfy I know, but it really is odd how harshly a line is drawn between two ideas about how best to be treated. Til the next episode of 'dude describes what makes his nonexistent desire for sex flare up'
Game Review 2: Meeting in the Flesh
4.5/5 (I dislike one character)
MitF is straightforward text adventure, with basically no combat, movement, or sex you can interact with. It is, by all accounts, a choose-your-own-adventure. And any CYOA fan can tell you to not count them out. MitF is about the best you can hope for from this genre, and only has a lower rating for personal preference and it's dubious game-hood.
Part 1: the premise and setting.
I adore the setting of this game, full fat no mixer, it's genius. It's set in a fleshy landscape filled to the brim with uncertain ground, acidic pustules, and wide salt fields to dry the groundsweat in. The people who call this place home as closer to the description of a creature than anything else, but have a love and genuine comfort for their home. As alien as the shapes and sights, the game reminds you there are people in all the ways that really matter.
They have holidays and customs, dietary restrictions and cultural cuisine, in groups, out groups, discrimination, farming, home decor, delivery services, lust for adventure, love of family, the list goes on and on. These are people. Sure, they kill criminals by bleeding them into a vat of salt to flavor it. Sure they subsist on literally nothing but salt. Sure they are twisted and have a few extra, fewer, or altered limbs and body structure. As alien as the environment, the feeling that struck me the most was how frequently this place did feel like their home, even in the parts the narrator consider boring.
Speaking of, the game is narrated from the perspective of our main character, a salt deliveryperson of unspecified gender or sex (not that it is even guaranteed to be adjacent to how humans tend to do it) who makes their living by using their unique build to sprint to and fro about the city. This is how you manage your time in the game, you decide what events you have time for based on who you engage with in-between your deliveries, since you only have the time to talk to one of the eligible bachelors each day.
The character feels as though they have a history, a story, and what strikes me is their need for that same comfort. They need a home to truly place their heart (or equivalent) in. The usual bad ending of the game is just, returning to your apartment. Alone. The room feels darker, and the night feels colder, and the contrast between your space and the revelry outside crushes your confidence. You sleep fitfully. It gives a sort of context of stakes that really makes them vulnerable. On the topic of writing...
Part 2: the quality of characterization
I am a person who likes to read aloud the events of my text based games. I find the voice acting to be engaging and fun, and it gets me more into the headspace of the characters. This is all to mention that at no point in the game did I grow confused as to who Is talking to who.
The character writing gives a unique writing style to each character that almost always tells you a lot about how they interact with the world. The protag's manager is rough and tumble but caring, the old man they deliver to seems amenable but quietly lonely, the people in the street are excited by the execution and lap their lips at the idea of the blood spilling on the cobblestones.
Each of the bachelors expresses themselves uniquely, whether cautious and reserved, calculating and intelligent, or wild and impulsive, they all have a unique style of speech that carries through in every word they say.
Okay so the text game is very good, but that's not what these reviews are about. I'm not here to give you something objective, I'm here to provide my opinion. So the most important question is, are the bachelors sexy and how good is the bone?
Part 3: Horny
To preface, the game has a SFW mode, where it doesn't get too explicit. Don't use it.
The writing of these bachelors is great 2/3rds of the time, not because it's on and off, but because I adored two of the bachelors and thought the last one was the coward pick for the uninitiated, and didn't like his character. The other two? Oh yeah.
First, the problem child. Brattan. B is a big, buff wolfman with an adventurous spirit and athletic bent. You'd think I'd love him, but I find him so irresponsible and abrasive. Routinely he drags your character beyond their comfort zone, assuming you don't play to be just as of not more reckless than he is, seems to genuinely not engage in empathetic thought, and overall has this 'jock wannabe' vibe that's just sort of uncomfortable. Plus, his ending centers around finding a portal to earth and becoming a strange, flimsy, hairless ape that has to pay taxes. And like, I get nothing out of those scenes, unironically. He was Beast, why would I want prince Adam's scrawny cousin. D tier bachelor.
Second is Yiestol, a lithe (almost effeminately designed) insectoid man. He works as the sole individual who watches over the citywide security system, and has a hardworking, if calculating, earnestness for his job. He wants to help people, protect people, he's not sure if he has the right perspective to help this place the best, so a lot of his conversations are long discussions about his beliefs. His story focuses around how he struggles with intuitive moral decisions (girl same) and how the protagonist's perspective could balance his calculation with kindness. He makes sure, double sure, triple sure, that you want to be his partner, that you know what it entails, and what you'd be getting into. When it ends, you climb into the security system together and he engages in something between sex and absorption, as he proceeds to melt with you into a collective goop like a butterfly getting rearranged in a cocoon. I'm not usually one for Vore but WOW this scene hits hard. It frames it as becoming one in body and soul, and in the end, you live on within him, and he within you, with his final design having four arms and a heart design on the chest. Extremely good, A tier Bachelor.
Finally. My sweet, my darling Nyargh. I have never claimed to be objective or even handed, he is my favorite. A mass of tendrils and mouths hovers and bobs like a balloon, slithering red mass shifts and undulates to mimic traditional speech. Speaking is hard for Nyargh, and coupled with his cagey and brusque demeanor, he would surely have no visitors if he didn't run the only honey store in town. The rarest of all, the third food beyond blood and salt is honey, and he makes a pretty penny by protecting and rearing fat, cat-sized bumblebees. Nyargh is unfriendly to most, and respects those who can respect his taciturn nature. Throughout his route he asks many questions of the player, and rather than the reckless or well considered answers of the last two, he prefers the voice of respect and kindness above all. Eventually, you help him at his shop enough that he trusts you enough to invite you into his private sanctum. A lushly furnished and comfortable space, the smell of the setting-equivalent cookies in the oven, and even rare and precious tea is served to you to repay you for your time. Nyargh reveals that he is not unfriendly, he is simply a very private man. His romance path is one of tenderness and kind gestures, gifts, treats, and smiles spent in quiet quality time. Eventually, it comes to a head when you learn the reason he is so secretive. His kind do not eat much salt, they thrive primarily on the pheromones of others. Specifically, Nyargh feeds off of happiness. He sells honey because people feel happy when they buy it, or buy it for a celebration or payday. If they knew he was feeding off them, he'd be ostracized or even killed. When the protagonist accepts him for who he is and truly believes his gestures of kindness to be honest, the result is the most tender scene of tentacle fondling and mutual body exploration i've maybe ever read. Though he has trouble with communication, I was glad to see him always asking for permission at every step. Consent is sexy as fuck, guys, and I'm not exaggerating on that.
Closing thoughts
I adore this title. It's writing is so natural that I was able to do Y and N's routes first try by literally just being honest with them. Would have preferred a route to tame B's wild side, but you need to give the people with mid taste something to eat I guess.
Quintuple S-tier on the visualnovel scale
Solid A for Games in general, and I don't mean that lightly.
The name of this blog might be confusing to some, I realize.
For context, I am asexual and aromantic. For those that care, I'm mixed to sensuality, but platonic touch is nice.
I'm genuinely unsure why, but while the idea of having sex, watching sex, or otherwise engaging with sex personally makes me something between nauseous-due-to-anxiety and digusted, I have no such hangups about writing or art containing it. I find it to be a very interesting way for characters to express themselves conceptually, and even find a not insignificant amount of -uh- personal gratification from it. Not sure if that counts as sex repulsed, I'm no expert, but at the very least I know I have libido.
Part of this blog is me trying to figure out how that, and a few other pieces, fit into the puzzle of who I am. If you're Asexual or know a lot about it and think you have good input, I invite it.
Plus, I love this stuff a lot as an art form, and I think I'm tired of wishing I could talk about my thoughts on it. So, I'm gonna post it instead, follow for more DnD content and Art I reblog and porn game/webnovel reviews I make if you want, I guess??
One of the worst feelings in the world has to be the feeling like you've run out of what you love.
Like, genuinely, I think that one of the reasons I read webnovel so often is due to it's usually interminable lengths. As a genre, I'm not sure many things run much longer.
Like, don't get me wrong, I love the art form, but at a certain point all of the art that hits your sweet spot of like, 3 things you love, runs out. And then you move on to 2 things. 1 and a half. 1 thing. And you start expanding definitions but the love you had for the medium feels strained. You're not really getting what you wanted, and the new stuff isn't scratching your itches and isn't as well written.
It's depressing, and it happens anytime you find an art form. I remembered thinking 'i'll never run out of porn to my preference, it's the internet!' and that might've been true at the time, but over the years I've discovered more about myself and found interests I never knew I'd had. And I could never go back to not knowing it.
It's like eating food from a fairy court. People always talk about how it imposes a magical brand on your soul that assigns you to be owned by the court but I've never thought of it like that. I always figured it was just otherworldly cuisine, so mind-breakingly delicious that, assuming you don't fall apart right then and there, all food from the human world turns to ash in your mouth. nothing is sweet or savory or good any more, you're ruined and can never be who you were before.
So now that I've tasted the best that life has to offer, what point lies in eating another bite beyond base sustenance? A lot of the pornography and webnovel I consume nowadays feels like eating packing peanuts, lacking the punch and sweetness of earlier meals, only filling space. Novels that are just mindless fighting and static characters. Pornography that fulfills the basic requirements and nothing more. It's hard to live on knowing that the best of your hobbies is behind you.
Therein lies a crossroads many come to.
Become an artist and be the change you want to see in the world for people with your interests,
Or find something else to do while you wait for someone else to pick up that mantle.
and as someone without writing or illustrating skill or desire, that's a nauseating choice. You'll never be able to write a story you can read for the first time, and I think that's heartbreaking.
...
...Or I guess commission someone to make it but do I look like a STEM furry? ...don't answer that.
Game Review 1: Tales of Androgyny.
Note, this is a personal review, I'm not a games journalist or anything.
3.5/5 - C
ToA is a game with 3 segments and approximately 1 theme. It's a text-based adventure game, it's a shockingly complicated combat system, and a gallery where you get to view the game's one and only theme: watching an effeminate man be structurally redesigned by penises, sometimes male, mostly otherwise.
First, the adventure game.
The adventure and role play mechanics are surprisingly weak, but are made up for in the skill check system and descriptions. The game has very vivid and imaginative descriptions, which, when coupled with the visuals, are highly effective. The mechanics are a lot weak, but what I find more interesting than the skills you get from levelling up are the skills for failure. When you fail enough in combat, get your organs rearranged enough, or even choose to seek out noncombat deviancy you obtain as red skill associated with that depravity. I love the idea of developing skills without a clunky menu, where your actions just make you more effective at those actions, but it's used almost always as a debuff in this. Ironically, though, the complexity of skills and difficulty of the game seems to ask you to play longer for content that repeats itself and grows stale quickly, especially considering it's penchant for bad ends that just make you reload.
Second, the gallery
The art of this game is extremely hit or extremely miss, depending on your tastes. It seems to be designed to appeal to hentai addicts that looked a little beyond their comfort zone. For me it sits firmly in the space of 'i'll find this art disgusting the moment I'm done' but, to be honest, due to the game's very high raunch factor, it kind of works to the benefit of the game's theming. It feels like something you're not supposed to enjoy, so if you can get into the headspace of a first-time kink discoverer, it's really very fun. I'm not sure how much of that is intentional or incidental, but y'know, death of the author and all that. Overall, the large spash-screen pictures are good, and the little zoom-in you get in combat or text are very fun and usually are distinct based on what enemy you're fighting. The morph-image animation ends up being fairly smooth and doesn't take you out of the action. Plus, I'll admit, watching my character get assembled like Ikea furniture by absurd phalli is always a blast.
Third, but not last, is combat.
The combat system of ToA is big. Like, really big. It consists of a flirtation system, attack, defense, dodge, mid-combat intercourse, and the most stressful of all stances. Most of these are exactly what you expect. Turn based, increase enemy flirt meter, try not to die or get seduced yourself. Classic. But stances are the bread and butter of this system. Basically, each stance you get into has a number of associated actions, some of which are attacks, flirts, sex, the usual, and some that change your stance through doing them. Some are straightforward, you can't swing a sword while prone, so you spend a turn getting up into a crouch. But some are closer to 'i'm in a guard, I'll make a shield bash which will set my opponent into the off balance stance and me into the reckless attack stance, I can chain that into hammer down which lets me put an off balance opponent prone, and puts me off balance, I'll ignore off balance by laying atop the enemy once they're prone and now I can proceed to ride them cowgirl, the one sex stance I put all my points into-' -gasp ok you get the point. It's complicated. Most of that wasn't even far from the truth. It's, to a beginner or consumer without much time to invest, completely esoteric and nigh impenetrable, but I don't dislike it at all. A lot of games of this ilk are just too complicated for anyone's good, and this seems like it really rides the line. It's got an interface that tries to explain what each thing does, specialized icons, and like, at least it isn't maneuvering a hex map. The UX does a lot to mitigate how confusing it all is, and early fights need little strategy so you end up picking it up as you go. To be fair, it's genuinely trying something different and makes sure not to just yoink what already works, and that counts for a lot in my books.
Lastly: pornographic content
Part of the reason why I first chose this to be my initial review is because I find this game to rank firmly in the middle in terms of depravity. If you think it's too depraved for that, you may find my blog a tad distressing. If you think it's not depraved enough for that, you're probably right, but the ugly bastard style of art makes me read it as a little deeper than it is. I will likely talk about games that are more vanilla in their themes, but that I play because they are exceptional in other ways. The specific content of the game in question is almost entirely watching a twink get Yoda death noise'd by every cylindrical piece of salami in a 3-mile radius, a grand majority of which, although changeable by a setting, is (by default) held by a number of amazons and monster girls, with notable exceptions I'll leave out here. Its content, while vanilla, is largely up my alley, and I find it misses a lot of opportunities to spice things up. I'd say if you are a recovering hentai addict, trying to see the best that the world of the internet has to offer, it's a great place to start but I wouldn't end here by any means. It's in this part of the review that you will notice that I've gotten to a point in my life in which I have forgotten that the ordinary amount of depravity is zero out of 100. I don't mean kinkiness, I do genuinely mean depravity in the sense of being devoid of value. This is a game for people who are sitting at 10 maybe 15 on that scale, and I think I'm just at a point in my life where I don't find that particularly engaging without anything else to prop it up. The game has little to no story, the writing is largely insulated to specific scenes, and the major villains don't seem to be all that important other than being very difficult to fight. So if you're still using the word 'Futanari' to describe what you're into, this is probably a decent first step into being a person of real culture. Maybe when the orcs and elves are not so novel, you'll be ready to move on to something a little more advanced, like that werewolf from early on in the game.
Overall:
It's certainly a high-effort, high-polish game, but misses out on a whole world of Anthro, Beast, Monster, and other more exotic kinks, and lacks a great deal of depth when compared to text-based games of a similar style. If you really want to fall in love with your characters, experience some transformation, or get down and dirty with less vanilla partners or more interesting activities, you're better off looking elsewhere.
3.5/5 - great for beginners.
Not exactly the best at using this site, but hey, here's a small introduction, which'll be a decent start to the portion of this blog which is just a diary.
I'm going by Jason on this blog, this name, like most info I'll share, is edited to protect my anonymity. As long as it isn't my identity, I'll try to keep as honest and consistent as possible, so please let me know if I contradict myself.
I'm, as far as I've been able to determine, Ace/Aro, I work in a dead end Corpo job, I read webnovels and play pornographic games, and tend to heavily prefer content focused around people with Phalluses or who are left ambiguous enough that I may imagine they do.
Due to the nature of my interests, I find myself having to tactfully ignore the, at times, tasteless terminology used by the game's creators and user base. As you may imagine, not all pornographers are terribly respectful of their target demo. I'll say here, once and only once, that I do not bide by the schools of thought of such individuals.
So yeah, that's the intro post. There will be more of these, I'm sure. And to the three people I had to follow for tumblr to let me customize my blog, sorry for looking like a bot, lol.