Follow Your Passion: A Seamless Tumblr Journey
This summer I had been asked by @chibimyumi to make a version of Pawn & Sword Reprise that was singable in English. Taking her translation, and working on it bit by bit over the past 7 months or so, I came up with this version, which conservatively keeps a lot of the original wording, which I felt was rich in imagery and poetic to begin with and added a lyrical touch to better fit the sounds in English.
For anyone interested, yes, I listened to this song on repeat for hours, weeks on end like a fiend to match the right sounds. It’s become one of my auditory stims now. Haha
Japanese poetry and lyrics are for the majority narrative, sparing with images, just enough to give you a feel or sense of the image like smoke.
If I were to elaborate, without keeping strictly to lyrics and only focusing on concepts the imagery would have been far greater. More like page poetry. But not singable perhaps?
I have sung this several times now tweaking it and perhaps it will be tweaked more, now that I have time. But not a lot.
Here are the notes I kept while working on it. If you think these are a lot, imagine the work a translator goes through to figure out how the original should be. Please go lavish @chibimyumi with praise for her translation work and so forth. It’s some of the most tiring work ever.
(I have professional linguist/ translator friends, I hear all about it)
If anyone is so inclined I would very much take pleasure in hearing karaoke or a cover of the song using these lyrics, just to test how well of a job I’ve done. please.
Pawn and Sword Reprise: Annotated transcription - Brooke Nilsson.
(1)Your (2) relentless (3) wishes
(4)surpass your (tiny) form (5) .
(6)Wishful eyes of despair. Greedy soul!
(7) I shall be
the One to grant
Your wish.
I will be your power
Your invincible pawn!
(8)Monochrome dissonance
Plays out on this stage
Until silenced.
———–
1. /Your/ the song needed to open on a similar hard sound to Gouyoku, it’s important that openings and endings sound the same in both languages otherwise it throws the whole song off.
2. relentless: this is synonymous and gives an almost identical image to ‘welling”, it has connotations with swiftness, hard, unending tasks and treatment and is also synonymous with revenge, using it tells you the nature of the wishes.
3. Wishes is the cannon word, it is more specific than desire (this has been used in other translations), which has deeper romantic/sexual connotations and is not specific. The 3 wishes reference.
4. This is a creepy joke going on in the original which is part of Sebastian’s intent, but in English, doesn’t fit the elegance of the rest of the song. I went with the implied image of the wishes being grander than the size of the wisher. Surpass has connotations of fast, upward movement, and mobility both physically and in a class sense. It sounds British. Tiny can be inserted to reinforce the original concept, but it might be cumbersome? try it out.
5. Form vs. Body: A note about Anglo-Saxon origin words vs. Latinate. Anglo-Saxon origin words are rougher and heavier in sound, they add weight to a word, but are notably harder to sing and less elegant. Latinate origin words have smoother flowing sounds and are easily sung. While these two words mean the same thing, the Latinate carries connotations of elegance, education, and sophistication (cold, snobby, sadist) which suits Sebastian. The quickest way to differentiate class and vocal tone in English is to use Latinate vs. Anglo-Saxon. (small vs. tiny: same as described)
6. This is a compounding of the original concept/image described in this line. I moved the mention of greed from the first line to here, as it works better as a form of address and reinforces the other concepts. The same goes for the next line.
7. These two words carry the weight of ownership over a task: /Shall/ indicates “determination, obligation, something owed”. It comes from Proto-Indo-European and is the origin of the word “shield, debt, guilt, blame, fault, it is also proper present tense. (formal British). /Will/ indicates wish/desire, to do something, be used, to choose. It is future tense. It comes from Latin word vel “wish”: to satisfy, be stuffed. will/wish synonymous. (These are all archaic and 19th century Sebastian hunger centric words, for that reason this entire song is one of the best Lord/vassal oath ballads I’ve read, in epic poetry.) The last line is unchanged as it is iconic.
8.I felt that there was importance to this already being in English, so I kept it. Monochrome (ancient Greek origin) doesn’t mean the contrast of black/white, it is the opposite, the sameness. It can be any colour but only one colour, of different shades. In photography it means greyscale. But the archaic form is more precise. This metaphor is used to describe moral ambiguity/hypocrisy. Everyone assumes they have higher/different motivations but in reality, the motives are all the same. (especially in the Madame Red arc) Dissonance is conflict, harshness of sounds. I interpreted this verse to mean the resolution of the conflict, everything suddenly becoming clear and audibly silent. The mention of the stage, it’s a nice sophisticated way of saying everything will be resolved in the next act.
————-
Ciel:
Sebastian Michaelis
Your name affixed
Sealed with our contract
The demon
fallen into my grasp. (9)
Sebastian:
Even if my body dies
your heart’s desire will be fulfilled
For I am your faithful servant.
Ciel:
I do not seek happiness
(10) Not for anyone’s sake or my own
Until my revenge, until that day
I will move ever forward
Sebastian:
Maddening, noble form
exuding that alluring scent
You are my beautiful lord
If it is your wish…
Sebas: To anywhere – I shall guide you
Ciel: To anywhere – at my command
Sebas: Even in dreams, your shadow
Ciel: Swear to me –
Sebas: Secretly
Ciel: Your loyalty
——–
9.The English phrase for this concept is “fallen into my lap”. I took inspiration from Nayuta’s grasping upwardly into the air when he sings this, and felt the concept best understood as “fallen into my grasp” meaning to hold unexpected power over something, to gain power unexpectedly.
10. This line about Ciel’s motivation is often the least well understood. The idea that he is seeking revenge out of principle, duty, despite knowing that it won’t bring him or anyone else happiness. My take is that he is fulfilling a duty, satisfaction coming from the idea that no one thought he was capable of anything, yet here he is doing this task. It can be seen/felt as selfish proving yourself this way. This concept comes up a lot in disability discourse.
——–
Sebas:
(11)Bound by the threads of fate
Between dreams and reality
At the edge of reason
Wanders your soul
While the pages of your story still turn
I’ll continue to light your lamp
(12) Shielding your soul–
Even if your throne should fall
And your shimmering crown, rust away
And the dead pile towers high–
I shall heed
Until I hear your final call!
——
11./The borders of black and white/ in this context I decided that the concept here referred to ‘mental twilight’ or reason/sanity.This gets referred to a lot in the series. The threads of fate concept I rearranged the lines to give them the alliteration of the original and better narrative order in English and make it singable. Ending lines on n/l or a vowel is a professional tip.
12.The concept of preservation being sung of here, /shielding/ is a synonym for preservation and ties back to the original concept of the vows */shall/ being made. The ripening of the soul I left to subtext as this concept is redundant to the rest.
It’s been a while, but I’ve finally stopped picking at this one. There’s definitely wobbley spots here; Sebs sings so bloody fast for some parts that it’s insane trying to match it. Even “Yes, My Lord” wasn’t this bad and he’s got terminal motormouth for the beginning of that one. Also I rhymed “you” with “you” and it makes me angry. So yeah. If anyone has any suggestions, do tell.
Music can be found here. Unfortunately there is no translation for the spoken parts in the middle yet that I’ve found. Thank you to Yugami on BB.net for the base translation of the lyrics.
All the others I’ve done so far can be found under my “Kuromyu lyrics” tag.
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More sing-along lyrics! Makes sense to do the reprise next, since I already had most of it, huh? The first half of this is the same as the act-ender version, save for Ciel’s initial stanza being different. But the second half is entirely different, as Sebastian sort of goes off on a tangent. XD
After the first part of the curtain call, once they start again on the “rain” bits, all of their lines seem to be the same, but I did not include them because I haven’t found a base translation for William’s line yet.
I think I’m going to do Madame Red’s song next.
Music can be found here. Once again, thank you to Mayumiko on BB.net for the base translation.
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Translations are great, but direct translations aren’t going to match the rhythm or the length of the lines. So I like to write/adapt English lyrics that can actually be sung along to, while sticking as close to the translation as I can.
Music can be found here. Thank you to Mayumiko on BB.net for the base translation.
Putting them under a cut for length. X’D Enjoy!
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