Follow Your Passion: A Seamless Tumblr Journey
(Mystery Men - 1999)
@mediwhumpmay
“What was he wearing?” Roy limped over to the curb, Eddie guiding him by the arm.
“Shingles.” Eddie grunted as they sat down together.
Jeff shielded his eyes from the flashing blue and red lights across the street. “He had fashioned them into some kind of armor. My forks were nearly useless.”
Roy grimaced as he stretched out his leg.
“You got him eventually, right in the ass.” Eddie added.
“True.” Jeff sighed as he counted his leftover ammunition. “He deserved it. Especially for the nails. Why does one decide to use a nail gun when interrupting a performance of Shakespeare in the Skate Park?”
“Roofing.” Roy grasped the long nail embedded in the meat of his inner thigh and pulled. It slid free, painfully, covered in blood. Roy let out a long whine and held back a sob. “His theme is roofing.” He rasped.
“Oh.” Eddie nodded. “The shingles, the nail gun, the-”
“The rebellion against roofless theater productions?” Jeff finished.
“So weird.” Roy sighed. “But dedicated.”
Eddie caught sight of the bloody nail that Roy held. “Oh no, Roy, you should have let the medics take that out.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Roy waved him off. “I’ve had worse. Besides, they’re busy with Mercutio.”
“I suppose-” Eddie cut himself off. “Oh come on, Roy, you’ve got one in your hand!” He grabbed Roy’s wrist and held it up.
The long nail had flown through Roy’s palm and the tip poked through the back of his hand. It wasn’t bleeding much, but that was because the nail was plugging the hole.
Jeff frowned. “How many did he get you with, Roy?”
“I dunno.” Roy shrugged. He was tired and sore and thinking was hard. “ A few.”
“A few?” Eddie stood up. “How do you not know? Hang on, let’s do a count. I can’t believe I have to do this for you.”
“I can believe it.” Jeff stood up too.
“Going to need a metal detector.”
“Come on, guys. I just wanna go home.” Roy whined.
“Okay, so one in the hand.” Eddie ignored him and began to circle, looking for other nails. “One in the boot. Ouch, straight through your foot.” “Yeah, I was nailed to the stage for a minute.” Roy laughed weakly.
Jeff laughed as well then quickly stopped. “The one from his thigh.”
“Three so far.” Eddie nodded.
“I think that’s it.” Roy grumbled.
“Let’s at least get you checked out.” Eddie offered his hand to help Roy up from the curb. “Also when was the last time you got your tetanus shot?”
“My what?”
Eddie looked over at Jeff, who nodded silently.
“Let’s go to the clinic.”
“Aw, man.” Roy whined.
Ten minutes later, they piled out of Eddie’s car and into the 24-hour clinic. It was quiet around midnight so the wait was pretty short. A nurse took Roy back, and Eddie and Jeff stayed in the waiting room.
“How long do you think it’ll take?” Eddie asked Jeff, flipping through a sticky magazine.
“Oh.” Jeff thought for a moment. “Five minutes.” He answered.
“How about ten?”
“You’re on. I’ll watch the clock.”
Four minutes later, the nurse reappeared.
Jeff stood up. “You owe me dinner.”
The nurse walked over. “Would either of you be able to accompany your friend? He’s…” She searched for a word. “Agitated.”
Eddie stood too. “We’ll both come back.”
The nurse led them back to the examination room. Roy immediately tried to leave as soon as she opened the door.
“Eddie, I’m fine. Let’s leave. Get me out of here.” Roy spoke quickly in a low mutter. “Come on, Jeff, let’s go, let’s go.”
“Whoa, there.” Eddie gently corralled Roy back in, like a spooked horse. “They’re just going to give you a little check-up, Roy.”
“And a shot!” Roy’s voice almost squeaked. “I don’t-... I don’t like…” “Don’t like needles.” Eddie finished.
Roy sat back down on the exam table, pale and sweating. “Yeah.” He whispered.
“We know, that’s why we’re here.” Eddie reassured. “It’ll be really quick. You don’t want tetanus, right?”
“Lock-jaw, Roy.” Jeff chimed in, seating himself in a nearby chair.
“That actually sounds better than the shot.” Roy said.
“You won’t even feel it.” Eddie said. “Besides, you’ve been stabbed before, Roy, how are you scared of needles?”
“I dunno. I’d rather be stabbed. Can they do that? Use a knife? For the shot?” Roy looked around. “Or a scalpel. Anything but…” He trailed off.
“You know.” Jeff tapped his chin in thought. “This reminds me of the time we saved the blood drive nurses from the Blood Bandits and you lost so much blood that they just strapped you in the chair to give you blood with that absolutely enormous needle-”
“Okay, okay.” Roy hopped off the table. “I’m leaving.”
“I can’t let you do that, Roy.” Eddie stood in his way. “As your friend, I am going to make sure you get this shot.”
Roy laughed, pretended to back off, then feinted to the left, and made a dash to the right. He tried to get to the door. But he was full of nails and too slow.
Eddie grabbed him. Jeff stood in front of the door.
And then the doctor walked in.
“What have we here?” She asked.
All three of them stopped struggling.
“Nothing.” Roy straightened his coat.
“Nothing.” Eddie let go of Roy.
“Nothing.” Jeff picked up a fork he’d dropped.
“I see.” The doctor put down her clipboard. “Well, which one of you is Roy?”
Jeff pointed at Roy.
“Thanks, man.” Roy sighed.
“I will take a bullet for you, Roy, but not a shot”
The doctor sighed. “So Roy, you had an accident with a…” She turned a page. “Nail?”
“Nail gun.” Eddie corrected.
“Okay, and how many nails?” “Three.” Roy sighed.
“We think.” Jeff added.
“You think?” The doctor raised an eyebrow.
“Pretty sure.” Eddie admitted.
“Uh-huh.” The doctor paused for a moment, looked over each of them, then proceeded. “Well, let’s get those nails out, Roy. Then we’ll go from there.”
Roy nodded, almost green.
The doctor and an assistant bandaged the thigh wound and extracted the nail from Roy’s foot. The hand was last. Slowly, carefully, the doctor took the nail out and dressed the wound. She kept up a conversation with Roy the whole time, who was visibly relaxing.
Once that was done, Roy sighed. “That wasn’t so bad. Could we save the-... the shot for another day.”
“No, we can’t.” The doctor answered.
“Why not?”
“Because we’ve already done it.” The doctor stepped back. She had been blocking Roy’s line of sight of his other arm.
The assistant was currently pulling a needle out of Roy’s shoulder.
“Oh.” Roy swayed. And fainted.
“There he goes.” Eddie sighed.
“He’s reliable.” Said Jeff.