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i'm alive *sadly*

I start school again, today. It's 2am AND I'M NOT SLEEPING.

The president had a conference yesterday and he removed our mid-term break, every teen in my country is like:

we're sad, i'm sad.

Minecraft and cartoon network kept me alive.

I'm avoiding social contact since I fucked up my self-steem AGAIN.

And I started wondering what will happen if my girlfriend notices me acting weird, she did last time and:(. I don't want to have a mental breakdown and tell her I have an eating disorder. I don't want tu destroy everything again. I want to be okay but I can't even keep myself okay.

(Day 31??? of quarantine: april 14)

me: *tell my mum i am full*

My ed:

My mum: *leaves the room*

Me: ooo emPANADAS *eats 3*

My brain: thank you

My ed:

Based on a true story

(4:36pm)

Uh, ok

Hi, my self-steem hasn't changed since i left tumblr, maybe is worse now.

Yesterday was a bad day for my sel-steem.

(Day 28??: april 11)

why why wHY

Quarantine will be longer, we'll have to stay 'til May. That means MORE HOMESCHOOLING:( and that means dead.

I'll go play minecraft just to act like I didn't heard of staying another month in my home.

(2:56pm)

Me: omG I LOST 3 POUNDS ;_;

My brain: great, next, die

My ed: hOLD A FUCKING SECOND, WHEN, WERE, HOW, WHO, WHAT¿ but you still fat gurl.

Me: -counting how much calories I ate last week and trying to anilize how I lost 3 pounds in a week after bingin' 2 times-

Me: -do nothing after binging for 3 days-

My ed: sTARVE YOURSELF

My brain: Don't yoU DARE

Me: -starves-

My brain:

Me: -eat something-

My ed: That had like 10 calories

Me: So?

My ed: yoU aRe gOnnA bE FAT

Me:

I don’t know if you guys have heard but Eugenia Cooney seems to be making a recovery!!!

This is a recent photo of her posted by her hair dresser! For those of you who don’t know who Eugenia Cooney is, she is a YouTuber who has not been on the internet for quite some time now, as she has been recieving treatment for an eating disorder she has denied having for years. Everyone who watched her videos and/or followed her online in any way felt extremely helpless, as we were watching her wither away more and more day by day. So many fans and other people online reached out to her and she ended up making a tweet saying that she is taking a break from the internet and working with a doctor privately. Several people sent messages to her friends and family who confirmed that she was recieving in-patient treatment. It was amazing news to hear because she looked like she should have died from starvation a long time ago. I will not post pictures of her before here because it could be triggering to some people but feel free to look her up online. She is still not officially back online but did consent to her hair dresser posting this photo. Her steps toward recovery are a huge inspiration for anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder. I hope that once she is back online she will continue down this path toward recovery and keep being an inspiration to anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder. There is hope- and Eugenia is proving that.