Obey Me X You - Blog Posts

THE PRIVILEGE OF THE 7 BROTHERS THERAPIST !!

Things that the citizens of the Devildom witnessed that will prove that this Human have the characters at their beck and call

Versions: The Brothers, Side characters

Warnings: Gender neutral pronouns for MC, Cussing, Slight yandere themes (Belphegor, Asmodeus)

Links: Masterlist

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LUCIFER

This demon likes sticking to rules

Running on hallways? Detention

Eating during class? Detention

Not paying attention to class? Detention

No one is safe...

Except for one person.

The cafeteria if filled with loud noises, your voice shouting profanities to another demon specifically.

Everyone listening to the argument feels like they're stomach is about to burst out of nervousness because "What if Lucifer randomly comes in and put all of us is detention because we just stood by and didn't do anything to stop the fight?!"

And he did.

But what surprised them is that he didn't shout or anything, he just stood there for a few second and scanned the crowd looking for one of his brothers.

Spotted Mammon and came close to him before whispering something among themselves.

And then he just stood there

Doing nothing

As if it's just fucking okay to let a human, the exchange student at that, to scream and curse a demon because he won't cooperate into this project.

And when the demon started cursing back at you, the rules are suddenly so strict as if cussing will cause the end of the 8 rings of hell.

The demon is sent to detention, removed from the group, suspended, and many more.

And who knows? Maybe you pulled just a few strings to have that demon expelled.

But what the citizens sure know is that they never saw anyone again after talking to MC like that.

MAMMON

It was cute

Mammon would do anything for you, no matter how big or small it is.

One day, Mammon was spotted running around the halls of RAD.

Looking like he's getting chased by Lucifer, again.

But surprisingly, he's not.

He's just running around the school fetching your fan, notebooks, bag, pens, water or some snacks.

One time, you two were put in a group for this project and were talking about it with your other group mates.

Then you hit him with a "Mammon, I left my notebook on my desk in the potions class, can you fetch it for me?"

With just a blink of an eye, Mammon who was leaning on your shoulder just a few minutes ago is gone.

And with another blink of an eye he's there again with your notebook on his hands then he's back to leaning on your shoulder again as if he didn't just go to the other side of the school for a notebook.

LEVIATHAN

He's introverted

He won't go out his room if it's just for some lame party

I also headcanons for him to be the most unseen brother

Or like him having the smallest amount of photo and information online because he just won't go out.

Yeah, he won't go out if it's just some small, lame party but if Diavolo hosts it, what exactly can he do?

"Do you think the avatar of envy will attend this party?"

"Ha! No way... Lord Leviathan won't attend small parties or gatherings like these unless Lord Diavolo hosts it himself."

"Lord Leviathan really has a high standard when it comes to gatherings..."

And then poof

He's there

Beside you

A happy go lucky sheep beside a gloomy snake

What a match

And if you ask him why he would attend such gatherings when it's totally not even his style he would just go like "MC."

"What can I do? MC really wants to see the fireworks display."

"MC wants me to escort them."

So they got the hint on how to make Levi attend gatherings, either have Diavolo host it or invite MC too.

SATAN

He's angry

But not angry enough to yell when MC is around

Man's can go from 👹 to ☺️ real quick as soon as he felt MC's prescense

He doesn't know why too, but whenever he yell while you're around he thinks he'll fall out of favor

"WELL MAYBE IF YOU'RE SO PERFECT THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO AROUND WHILE YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD FAR UP YOUR ASS- Oh, Hi MC? How are you?"

He'll talk so sweet in front you and then when you turn around you can see some veins popping out of his neck and forehead.

And if he can't really handle it and went berserk in your prescense another scary yet amazing thing you can is to put your hand on his body.

Shoulder, head, neck, wrist, arm, wherever it is.

Just pat him or link your arms with him and he will start to calm down.

ASMODEUS

People headcanon him to like it when you're obsessed with him but I think he's more obsessed to you.

Like he's down bad

You can do anything and he'll literally fawn all over it

"Look at the way they run their hands through their hair!"

"Look at how they work!"

"The way they hold that fork is so graceful~"

Literally, you're the only person that comes to his mind when someone said pretty

Except for himself of course

But I swear, whenever someone caught him staring at you the atmosphere gets so thick

You don't even know why but the atmosphere is heavy and the air suddenly smells so sweet

And those heart in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate

Yeah, you have this man worshipping you alongside himself

BEELZEBUB

Other than the fact that he's actually willing to share his food with you

He's willing to help you in any physical works

Like lifting up things, carrying your stuffs and sometimes even running errands for you

I mean, he actually doesn't do it a lot because Lucifer actually asks Mammon for this stuff because the things Lucifer needs to be done is a little...

Shady?

And he doesn't want to taint Beel's innocence.

So now since you're already a part of the student council when Lucifer needs to have something important finished but it requires physical work.

You and Beel will be partnered

And he doesn't have anything against it either

He likes it so much when you command him to do something actually

I mean, he's tall and buff but Lucifer won't ask him to do anything that includes hard labor except taking care of Belphegor

So you actually helping him make use of all those muscles made him feel a tinge of happiness

He feels like he's actually of use :)

BELPHEGOR

This little brat

He would kill for you and he means it

He's not scared to spill blood on broad daylight as long as it's for you

Someone bothered you? Dead

Oh this person annoyed you? Taken care of

Aw~ He told you you're cute and asked you out on a date? That's sweet! Dead.

He's just like that

He won't tolerate anyone who dared disrespect you

And Lucifer won't even put a stop into this

"I mean, Devildom is quite overpopulated and we don't want anyone disrespecting Lord Diavolo's plan on bringing the three realms together now." Is what he reasons everytime.

Oh, he also wakes up on command as long as it's you.

Lucifer and his brothers could be shaking him like he's dead and he won't even bother to open his eyes

But if you just pulled a "Belphie? Good morning..." Oh dear, he's wide awake and clinging to you.

Obey Me Brothers Sleeping Headcanon!!

   Lucifer -This only happens if you can get this workaholic in bed in the first place.. And usually he will give in since he wants to big spoon you. Yes. He’s a big spoon. He wants to be the dominant one and protect you (But sometimes will let you spoon him but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) -His voice.. *Chefs Kiss* is sooooooo soothing, you can practically fall asleep in less than a minute. (I’m sorry his voice is just so calming and attractive- SORRY LMAOOO) -He tends to be very still when he sleeps, I mean STiLL (You wonder if he’s dead or something) -Your sleeping position is either A: He will hug you from behind and breathe in your neck all night, or B: He will lay down flat on his back like usual and have his arm out and keep you in place, while your head is on his chest. -Mutters nonsense in his sleep sometimes, he muttered something about you in his sleep one time and it was so sweet..~ -He doesn’t know, but you somehow recorded it for yourself only. (He did like a whole speech, hmmmm wonder what his dream was about) -The temperature in his room.. I feel like his preferred temperature would be the cold. His room gives huge cold vibes, so bring extra blankets!!! -Usually falls asleep after you do, but if it was a harsh day he will automatically pass out. -Your the only person he will show being vulnerable to, he trusts you and is so soft for you :) Mammon -You IN HIS BED!? WHAT A DREAM COME TRUE! -In with the idea but super flustered and nervous of you both sharing a bed for the first time. -Just letting you know, he is a huge cuddle bug, and his temperature is warmmmm so you probably won’t need any blankets.. unless he somehow hoards them all -_- -His room would be cold, so MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T HOARD!! -Oh he loves the big spoon yes.. but might want to be the little spoon some if he had a rough day.. poor baby always getting insulted by his brothers ;-; -Warning 1 y’all aren’t waking up in the same position ur sleeping in, you will both be scattered on the bed by morning, or on the floor LMAOOO -Warning 2 he drools.. so maybe try not to have him near your hair or whatever lol -Warning 3 he may snore too, so bring earplugs just in case. -Other than that, he loves to cuddle you, and talk to you while you both fall asleep, it’s like a fantasy he’s wanted forever. -You both like to talk before going to bed and it's usually for a couple hours or more since you both really enjoy eachothers company. -He falls asleep first, don’t ask, he just falls asleep first for some reason. -Also pillow fights occur usually before going to bed XDDD Levi -’AHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY S/O IS SLEEPING WITH ME-’ //////// -This man is flustered and rambling all over the place.. -First: he has never slept in the same bed bathtub with someone before- -Second: He is nervous about messing up and you think he is weird or creepy. -And Finally: He is scared about his appearance. -We all know he is super insecure and wants the best for you, REASSURE HIM EVERYTHING IS A-OKKKK. -He sleeps in a damn bathtub.. so at best yall cuddling all night. (Guys imma be honest, his room looks really cool to sleep in, the aquarium and the jellyfish) -Levi would be such a switch between spooning or you spooning him, it's honestly your call if you want to be a small or big spoon. -Last to go to bed, he plays games all night and you best be joining him half of the time. -But he will try to be quiet and play more of a chill game if you had a bad day or just cuddle with you to make sure your ok ;-; -You both have definitely built a pillow fort for a little game date night, maybe more ;) -Pillow Fights occur too! - Overall one of the best cuddlers or best for you to cuddle with since our Otaku is adorable. Satan -Probably one of the most chill to sleep with out of everyone besides Belphie. -He is a bit flustered, but has always wanted to sleep with you and hold you. -Always last to go to bed since he reads for about an hour before he does so, unless you're a bookworm like he is. -Satan loves being a big spoon and having you in his arms.Yall’s sleeping position would definitely be you on top of him with your head in his chest. OMG- I bet he also loves to stroke/ play with your hair before going to sleep- ^^^ -I see his room to be cold, so.. BLANKETS! - He definitely snuck some cats to sleep with and cuddle amongst you both and the blankets and pillows. - And half of the time, you wake up with a book on your head XD -If you had a bad day, he is always there to listen to you, and will read to you if you’d like. -Honestly, the sweetest most considerate partner to sleep with, and will always respect you and big spoon you. Asmo -”Oh MC~ your in for a treat” -Oh you were.. This man has plans before going to bed, going to bed, and waking up- -He already had this  planned. I bet you both do some pedicures, facemasks, paint yalls nails, etc, before going to bed, and he will make sure of it. (Unless you had a bad day) -He is such a big spoon, will cuddle into your chest, may give a few pecks there too. -He adores you and loves sleeping with you, he has many fantasies on what he wants to do and try out. -He puffs while he sleeps and it's very cute ^^, but might snore- rarely tho and do not tell him because he will always deny it. -I feel like you both would do pajama runway, if you're both too tired then just face masks and watch a rom com. -Likes room temperature at exactly 71. I don't know why but he says it's the perfect temperature but it is. -You both love pillows, stuffed animals, and wearing onesies. XDD -He wants you to feel good and feel amazing around him, he just wants the best for you and cuddle with you <3. Beel -Doesn’t even blush, he is just excited and has a cute grin on his face- awwwwww ^^. -He is a cuddler, so make sure he doesn’t squeeze the life out of you. XD -You both definitely watch movies and eat snacks before going to bed. If not then you both just cuddle and talk for a little bit about the day and tomorrow and much more! -He loves pillows so you both have lots of pillows in bed, and most of them are food pillows LMAO- -Sleeping position would probably be him big spooning you with his face in your hair, he loves the shampoo scent in your hair, it's calming to him. -He is very warm, so make sure the room temperature is pretty cold so you don’t overheat LMAO- -Sometimes Belphie will join you too and sleep with yall since you both are fun to cuddle with or be near, it's comforting to him. -Beel loves cuddling and sleeping with you overall, very sweet and such a cuddler. Belphie -YeS.. literally wanted this since the beginning. -Right when you even mention the idea he grabs you and cuddles you like his life depends on it. -He loves big spooning you and being spooned at the same time- -CuDDLes are his favorite thing in all of devildom, the celestial realm, human world, please give him the best cuddles. ^^ -You both have definitely used dream potions to be in each other's dreams and explore around them together. -NO ALARM CLOCKS ALLOWED, JUST NO.. Wake up late so you both can be in each others arms still and not be disturbed. -Don’t even ask, yall have done basically everything, pillow forts, onesies, pillow and blanket marathon, you name it. -He likes the temperature cold, meaning A: Having you closer in his arms, and B: More blankets and pillows. -He really doesn’t care what position yall sleep in, he just wants to be at least touching you. -There’s one warning though, he drools. -Overall, Loves sleeping with you, it's his favorite activity and time of day ever.

I WANT HIM

dating lucifer

notes: lucifer is my babygirl

tagging: @belsumu @hoshiikos @silkylious

lucifer doesn't treat you much different publicly when you two start dating

he does dote on you a bit more than he would if you two weren't dating

you're able to get away with a lot more things now though he won't turn a blind eye to shenanigans with diavolo

he's not going to suddenly listen to you when you ask him to take a break but depending on the trust you two have built thus far lucifer will entrust you with certain tasks that he'd normally do himself

asks you to come sit with him in his study just to hear you talk and offer you tea/snacks

always has a hand on you when in public, not suggestively more on the possessive side

he's scaring away lesser demons as well as subtly keeping you close to him, it's a win win

offers you his coat when you two go out and it's a bit cold, he doesn't take it often so accept it before he drapes it across your shoulders himself

he's not very affectionate privately or publicly, if you initiate in public he won't bat you away but he will give you a look to settle down; if you do it in private however he'll reciprocate easily sometimes without even looking up from his work

kisses your hand, cheek and temple fairly often sometimes on autopilot; he does it when he's leaving to go meet with diavolo or to go to a student council meeting that you didn't need to attend as long as it's not in front of his brothers

he doesn't demand your attention, lucifer understands that you can be busy but go too long without talking to him, he'll pull you in his study for as long as you can to sit and catch up essentially

gifts aren't a frequent thing with lucifer but when he gives them you can tell a lot of thought was put into it and he didn't just get it without thinking about if you'd like it or use it

still has plenty of expectations for you but does dial back a little when he sees that you're struggling to keep up and offers his help when he can

please reblog as it helps more than likes do!

Imagine if you will…

Falling asleep on a random bench in RADs courtyard. Now you’re all alone and vulnerable at the mercy of any demon who walks by. Belphie comes over first and lays on you, going to sleep as well and serving as a heat pack. Then comes Beel and he stands guard to protect you both.

Asmo and Satan were taking a walk and spotted the three of you. They come over to protect you as well and to chat with Beel about the upcoming exams.

Levi is next. He came in-person for a test and doesn’t want to be alone any longer so with his brothers he goes. A few minuets after they hear Mammon approaching towards them saying that they need to get away from his human.

Lastly, Lucifer arrives to tell everyone off for not being where there supposed to be but his words die on his tongue when he sees your adorable sleeping face. Beelzebub explains that they were just protecting you since you were alone. He shakes his head at your irresponsibility but joins them all in this task and uses the time to catch up with his brothers.

You wake up then and see all of them talking amongst themselves. They all came for different reasons but stayed for you.

Why?

Because they care about you?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Because they love you.

@kindredsv6969 this is for you! :)

IM FINALLY DONE! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!

I also didn't add in the Devildom equivalent of cookies, or the Devildom equivalent of the cookie ingredients. So, you can interpret this as sometime during lessons forty (40) through sixty (60), when the brothers are in the human world. But that's not necessary.

This is based in the original timeline!

Warnings ;; None!

Relationship ;; Platonic, turned Romantic

Type ;; One-Shot, Kind of a Short Story

Beelzebub ;; The Famished Sixth-Born

Beelzebub, tired and hungry, made his way toward the kitchen, shockingly finding you there before him. Now, that was a rare occurrence; usually, he beat you. "Oh, what are you doing down here? Hungry?" The red-headed demon inquired, and you nodded in response. "Yeah, I was debating on making cookies, you wanna help?"

A wide smile crossed Beel's lips, "Yeah, of course," he responded, walking closer to you. You smiled in response, "Can you get the..." You paused for just a moment, looking at the recipe in front of you. "The sugar, brown sugar, flour and salt? I can get the rest."

Beelzebub nodded once more, before grabbing the ingredients you asked for. While he grabbed those, you walked off and grabbed the butter, milk, vanilla, and chocolate chips.

You followed the recipe, with Beelzebub's help. You soon started to mix the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients, mixing in only a little at a time, just as the recipe instructed. Some way or another, the cookie dough had gotten onto your cheek during your mixing.

Beelzebub hadn't noticed until you were rolling the dough into balls and putting them onto the pan. He gave a hum and pointed at your cheek, "You've got some on your cheek"

You let out a soft laugh, "I hadn't noticed, do you mind getting me a towel?" Beel hesitated for just a moment before kissing your cheek, getting the cookie dough onto his lips. Upon pulling away from your cheek, he licked the remaining cookie dough from his lips.

You gave a light, awkward laugh as you watched him. It remained awkward and silent for just a moment until the oven beeped, signaling it was finished preheating. You jumped ever-so-slightly, before quickly popping the pan into the preheated oven.

Beel's face flushed once you turned toward him, "sorry, i didn't think about it." He said softly, trying his hardest to avert his eyes from yours. You gave a soft laugh, gently holding his face before giving a light peck to his lips.

Beel's frown quickly turned into a smile, so excited that you felt the same way toward him. He picked you up by your waist, laughing softly at your small shriek of surprise. He didn't waste a single moment, by leaning in and closing the gap for the second time that night.

can you do an mc that cant remember anything? It might be simple at first, but it causes a lot of problems since they also forget abt their birthdays, events, and ofc, their anniversaries if they get with them

my writers block has left and I am giggling and kicking my feet

I'm not gonna say anymore because I will jinx it 😭

This Takes Place In The Original Timeline

Warnings ;; None, just fluff!

Relationship ;; Romantic

Type ;; Headcanons

LUCIFER ;; THE PRIDEFUL ELDEST

Now, Lucifer is actually pretty used to things like this.

With his brothers being, well, his brothers, it's common for them to forget things

He's pretty used to watching Mammon forget a textbook and bringing it with him because Mammon's already run off.

So, when he meets you, it's nothing new. He takes care of you he says it's because he has to but we all know that's not true and makes sure that he brings things to RAD that you forget.

He's not that bothered when you forget your anniversary, because he's used to your nature.

Don't think that he won't put anything together though. He most definitely will, despite your forgetfulness.

MAMMON ;; THE SCUMMY SECOND-BORN

Mammon's pretty forgetful himself, as stated previously.

He'll forget a textbook every now and again, but important dates are most definitely engraved into his greedy little brain.

When he meets you, he's a little taken aback because of your intense forgetfulness, but he honestly gets it.

He's only a tad bit bothered by the fact that you forgot, but it stops bothering him once he remembers just how forgetful you are.

Like Lucifer, He'll most definitely put something together. It might not be as well put together as Lucifer's may be, but he tries, and that's all that matters.

LEVIATHAN ;; THE OTAKU THIRD-BORN

Levi probably wouldn't notice. Given how little he cares for your existence in the beginning of the game, I doubt he'd really notice or care at first.

While Levi isn't as forgetful, He is a bit concerned with how much you forget things, if he does happen to notice.

You'd probably be playing a game and just.. straight-up forget how to play, I think he'd start to realize it from then on.

He probably isn't much bothered by you forgetting, but he would say a couple of negative things about him just being a "nasty, yucky otaku" (same)

He probably wouldn't put anything too big together, he'd simply pull up a couple games and you'd have a gaming session together.

SATAN ;; THE CYNICAL FOURTH BORN

Now, I'd oddly think that this would kind of annoy Satan.

I mean, he's Satan. The Avatar of Wrath. You expect him to not be irritated by something like that?

Of course, he would outwardly show you his annoyance once he first meets you. Later on though, as annoying as it still may be, he'll stop showing his annoyance and hide it as best he can.

If you forget your anniversary, he might be a tad bit disappointed, but it won't show, let alone will it be any noticable.

He, like Mammon and Lucifer, will put something together. Small, maybe a cat cafe where you can read or something.

ASMODEUS ;; THE NARCISSISTIC FIFTH-BORN

Asmo might be a little concerned, believe it or not. Both in the beginning, and after you two get together.

He will be entirely concerned on just how forgetful you are. He wouldn't be surprised if you barley remember your own name. (I don't even remember my own name half the time..)

He'd be so offended if you ever forgot his name or anything about him.

You can never tell if he's genuinely offended or not.

If you happen to forget your anniversary, surprisingly, he won't judge nor will he be upset.

Like Satan, Mammon, and Lucifer, he'll put something together. Despite it being well, Asmo, he will make it a small date at Hell's Kitchen, if that's what you'd like.

BEELZEBUB ;; THE FAMISHED SIXTH-BORN

Beel's definitely forgetful himself, but in his own himbo-y way.

He'll forget very small, tiny things.

But it does kind of take him off guard by how much you forget when you first meet.

He honestly feels kind of bad.

If you forget your anniversary, he literally will not care. Not in a bad way. He just won't be angry or upset if you forgot. He'd actually be very forgiving and kind about it.

He might ask you to cook something for him, but that's really it.

Unless you actually want to celebrate it, he'll do whatever you want. He'll follow your lead.

BELPHEGOR ;; THE CATNAPPING SEVENTH-BORN

Belphie completely despises you at first, and not just because of the whole you-being-a-human thing.

You get on every single nerve when you two first meet.

Once he gets to know you, he feels bad about hating you and eventually just.. stops.

He feels bad about the fact that you barely remember anything, but he won't say anything about it.

If you forget your anniversary, he'll pull you away from whatever you're doing to take you up to the attic to take a nap with him.

He'll only explain if you ask. He'll simply say, "it's our anniversary." Before falling asleep.

Obey Me! Incorrect quotes

Diavolo trying to convince MC to continue being the babysitter:

NB Diavolo: "What are you talking about MC? You love it here!"

NB MC: "I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome."

Solomon being an old ass man:

NB Solomon: "The dinosaurs didn’t rule the earth they were just alive. Stop giving them credit for administration skills they didn’t have."

Satan for no reason at all:

NB Mammon: "Do I sound smart, or am I smart? "

NB Satan: "You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest."

Leviathan being depressed:

NB Lucifer: "How are you today?"

NB Leviathan: "Please don’t make me think about my life."

Beelzebub being.. Beelzebub:

NB Beelzebub: "My stomach growled super loud in French."

NB Beelzebub: "I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class."

NB Leviathan: "Bonjour."

NB MC: "Le growl."

NB Mammon: "Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette."

NB MC now that they're a demon:

NB MC: "I am literally evil incarnate."

NB MC: "I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil."

NB MC: "Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort."

Solomon can't cook:

NB Solomon: "I truly go into househusband mode when I'm someone's soulhousemate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning."

NB MC: "This is a lie."

NB MC: "I'm literally living with him. This is a lie."

NB MC: "HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS."

MC just wants to go home:

NB Solomon: "I think I'm falling for you."

NB MC: "Then get up."

Levi is sick of Satan:

NB Leviathan: "Satan is okay."

NB Beelzebub: "He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs! And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause he gave me the mackerel eyes, he meant it!"

NB Leviathan: "Beel, Satan threatened me. He threatens Lucifer every day. He probably threatened Diavolo before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. Grow a pair."

Levi self-deprocating:

NB MC: "I'm going the fight the next person who insults Levi."

NB Leviathan: "I hate myself."

NB MC: "Alright, square up."

When MC first came:

NB MC, referring to NB Mammon and NB Diavolo: "Those guys are dorks."

NB Lucifer: "Yes, but they’re my dorks."

Belphegor annoying Lucifer on purpose:

NB Belphegor: "Lucifer, we have a visitor."

NB Lucifer: "Don't tell me it's our babysitter.."

NB Belphegor: "It's MC."

Lucifer being sick of Mammon's shit:

Lucifer: "The greatest trick the diavolo's father ever pulled was changing his name to Mammon."

Mammon bc he's my fav pookie:

Mammon: "So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?"

MC: "Depends. Is your bed comfortable?"

Mammon: "Yes."

MC: "I'd sleep."

Thirteen is going insane:

Thirteen: "Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time."

Diavolo is far too concerned:

*after discussing a plan*

Barbatos: "Does anyone have any questions?"

Diavolo: "Is this legal?"

Barbatos: "Does anyone have any relevant questions?"

Satan loves to boast:

Satan: "I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight."

MC: "What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?"

Satan, already taking off his clothes: "God, MC, you’re so fucking stupid."

It probably wouldn't work anyways:

MC: "Here’s the cold medicine you asked for." *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*

Thirteen: "...Thanks."

Levi and Garfield:

Leviathan: "I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer room in the basement of HOL with Cerberus."

Math doesn't work:

MC: "Which is correct, seven and five is thirteen, or seven and five are thirteen?"

Thirteen: "Niether."

Thirteen: "Because it's twelve."

Venomous or poisonous?:

Lucifer: "If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous."

Mammon: "What if it bites me and it dies?!"

Lucifer: "Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Mammon, learn to listen."

Diavolo: "What if it bites itself and I die?"

Lucifer: "That's voodoo."

MC: "What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Lucifer: "That's correlation, not causation."

Asmodeus: "What if we bite each other and neither of us die?"

Solomon: "That's kinky."

Barbatos: "Oh my goodness."

:P done

While hosting a game show to boost the brothers' popularity

NB MC: "-and you'll have to answer twice," *looks at Mammon with. smirk* ", easy for you Virgos."

NB Mammon: "How did they know I was a Virgo..."

*Fanfare begins*

NB Mammon: "HOW DID THEY KNOW I WAS A VIRGO I DID NOT TELL THEM MY BIRTHDA-"