Random Rants - Blog Posts

Is anyone else curious about what flavor purple ice cream is??? Because I see purple ice cream all the time in anime’s and I’ve never once in my life seen purple ice cream, but now it’s driving me crazy! What is the flavor?! I need to know!!

SoMeBoDy TelL mE!!!

(Random Rant)

It is a struggle to be a Tengen Uzui fan who is not sexually or romantically attracted to him, like at all. I've sifted through a hundred Uzui x Reader fics, but not a lick of like fanart in his tags.

He and his wives are hot af but for some reason I cannot really be that horny about it. They are family to me. I made an OC specifically because I felt bad about Tengen not having a family, so I made him a sister. I love the Uzui Family, but not like that

Yo tf is this @davey-footheely WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS??

Can someone please tell me why McDonald's is so freaking addicting. It tastes so delicious I swear.

My most toxic trait is thinking "there's people far worse than me" is a legitimate excuse. Like it really is in my opinion. But for some reason that seems a way of toxic thinking and now I'm feeling conflicted

I don't need things to be perfect. I just need someone to pretend things are perfect with me for a bit.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so resentful, that I wasn't so hateful at times. Hatred does consume your soul in a way. But I can't help it. And for the love of God sometimes I wish people would just understand that.

Like all throughout places like special ed school, or even support groups, I would get bullied relentlessly by people who were neurodivergent or had a mental illness of some kind, and I'd get told "they can't help what they do, just ignore it" or "be nice to them regardless, they already have it hard as is", but I, with the same neurodivergenies and mental illnesses, never get afforded the same treatment. Why don't I get treated like that when my mental illness or trauma makes me say some fucked up shit? Or have violent thoughts? Or have outburts?

Even here on tumblr all I hear is "support people who get angry or violent from mental illness" and stuff like that, but the exact same story. They say something genuinely hurtful, they get defended because they "can't help it", but when I have an episode, I get degraded even further.

Just fuck all the way off. I get it. I fucking get it. I'm the unwanted here. Everybody else is more important than me. But you don't have to be mean about it, and at the very least, don't degrade me for something you defend or even praise others for.

Not to be a hater but I genuinely hate the fact that people get disability checks for stuff like autism when I'm here, suffering crippling depression and dysphoria, as well as a health condition that makes endurance and stamina incredibly hard, juggling college classes, a job, and general life maintenance because I live alone, relying on financial aid for college students that disappears the moment I graduate(or get kicked out), and then my minimum wage job.

Idk, it just almost feels offensive to be juggling all that, when there's people who claim disability checks because they just find it so hard to talk to people, or because they're unable to focus on anything, and then they just sit on their ass and play videogames in their childhood bedroom all day, or in the free housing apartment they got.

People will call me jealous, and, well, yeah? Of course? Like wym somebody is getting free housing, free insurance, and free income while just sitting at home all day, when I'm constantly managing all the aforementioned and I get told to "just man up"

Fuck all the way off. I'll never support neets no matter how much they claim they're "fighting the system". You're an adult baby, and it's time to grow the fuck up.

quick rant, cw for slight nsfw but nothing graphic or overly explicit, just mentions of nsfw stuff. but WHY THE FUCK do I keep getting people saying that they have "species dysphoria" over not getting to be a dragon or some other animal or creature, and not only that, but then EQUATE IT TO ME FEELING GENDER DYSPHORIA??? AND SOMEHOW IMPLYING WE'RE EQUALS???

Hell naw. Your ass did not cry yourself to sleep every night at 13 because you didn't have a tail, or because you had skin instead of scales. You didn't spend your entire adolescence suicidal because you have human genitals that match your agab instead of whatever fantasy cock you want to have.

I know this will come across as incredible rude, and people will feel invalidated. I'm not saying you're a bad person for wanting to be another species, or being a furry, or anything of the sorts... but don't equate it to gender dysphoria, and don't try to imply that we're equal in terms of dysphoria or feeling that your body doesn't match.

also on an ending note: why is wanting to be a dragon or a wolf or whatever with a cock the length of your torso considered "dysphoria" or something that actually causes you to suffer, but I get reprimanded for wishing I was just a cis straight dude and could fuck a girl every now and then. Like somehow I'm the bad guy for wanting that but people can say they wish they were a werewolf with a 20" inch and claim they feel the same dysphoria as I do over that.

Shitlibs will try to invalidate your experience just because they haven’t personally experienced it. These same people talk over POC, disabled, neurodivergent, and LGBTQ members because they haven’t personally experienced a specific thing. Congrats! The world doesn’t revolve around you. Quit being a jerk and open your ears. Shut your mouth.

It’s wild to me that people complain when people turn off replies. Social media has really conditioned people into believing everything requires a response and pointless debate. Sometimes people want to say something without being subjected to others wild misunderstanding of their statement. Sometimes things need to be said without an “erm actually” being thrown into the comments section. If anything replies being turned off has killed trolling and trolls see the most pissed off.

I have this really cool batman t shirt that is a hole scene with Batman front and center and the bat signal in the back and joker in the corner. I love this t shirt.

I want a Superman t shirt like this please! It’s all just the logo I want variety!

Like Wonder Woman has so many cool t shirts that are not just her logo! They look so cool!!!

People ask me “what are your future plans?” And I will say “I’m taking it slow and time will tell what my future will have in store”, but actually that’s just an excuse because if I said that I don’t think there’s a future for me and I’ll probably be dead before I can decide on a proper decision, I’ll most likely get criticized for it.

Random ass rant about something that just happened to me.

Warning for Possible(?) Transphobia/Enbyphobia

So I was feeling more masc today so I decided to work with some makeup of mine and accentuate some of my features to make it sharper(?) and one of the things I did was give myself the illusion that I had a much bushier mustache(I did have some facial hair but it wasn’t super noticeable imo).

Why is this important? Well, my mom was doing my hair and at some point she went to the bathroom, grabbed a buzz razor(I think it’s what it’s called) and FUCKING SHAVED IT OFF WITHOUT ASKING ME. I was pissed off and she was like, “Well I could see it.” And I legit had to bite my tongue from talking back to her less we get into some stupid argument.

Now I just feel really bad because I realized that no matter what I do, nobody around me is going to see me as anything other than a girl. Like whatever I don’t care that much about being called by my given name but other than that, I feel fucking humiliated.

I wish there was someone, SOMEONE, who wouldn’t care as much about my gender and how I express it as these fuckers around me, especially my entire family.

Man I lowkey wished I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution.

I don’t wanna do jack shit but draw my OTPs doing dumb and/or sexy shit together but I have classwork I need to get to, and my New Year’s Resolution was to get my shit together and not fail my classes.

Why must I have a life? I wanna do nothing at all..

I gotta love how I am the epitemy of a weeb(Loves Japanese fashion, music, anime, etc.) but I have the most 2000s, Avril Lavigne obsessed, Snooki from Jersey Shore wannabe room with juicy couture bags stowed away in my closet.

Don’t get me wrong I love it but I think it’s really funny for someone who hates living in the US, I sure do love romanticizing the 2000s as if that wasn’t one of the worst times to be a woman of prominence.

I’m looking back at videos trying to explain Jirai Kei and not gonna lie, if I wasn’t a hideous, camera-shy freak, I’d go all out and make my own Jirai Kei essay.

The way that these people talk about Jirai Kei doesn’t feel like it does them justice since they’re into it from a fashion perspective. And I don’t wanna be that person, but if you’re into it purely for the fashion, you might as well call it girly kei since that’s what its fashion aspect of it basically took inspiration from, if not directly took it from (and if you’re a subcul Jirai, emo fashion in Harajuku is a primary visual inspiration).

Jirai isn’t just some edgy term used by Jirais to look cool and like some sort of anime menhera archetype. It was an actual insult used by people(usually men) in Japan to describe girls who are basically ticking time bombs. This is just Jirais reclaiming the term the same way Emos had reclaimed their name(Emo was an insult in the early 2000s).

I call myself Jirai because I understand this as someone who was often called overdramatic and too emotional, and feel a sense of power from it. Yes, I’m not Japanese, but there’s a reason that some Japanese subcultures have terms for participants outside of Japan(Ex. Gaijin Gyaru). It doesn’t have to be exclusive.

In conclusion, to quote a Reddit that I found, “I don’t think people(especially fashion Jirais) understand the implications of being called a Jirai.

That feeling when you wanna romanticize your life and maybe even get better but you remember it’s November 2024 and you live in one of if not the worst state to be a queer afab person:

Ok so I remember talking about this with some moots of mine and I figured I’d talk about it here.

Does anyone else fucking hate seeing couples and get extremely disgusted by them, but not in the sense that you’re romance repulsed(Tho I am aegoromantic and semi-romance repulsed), but because you have this burning envy towards them because they have a sense of connection that you desperately want and would do anything to experience?

I get grossed out by couples doing pda shit but I know that subconsciously I really want it, but I feel like I will never be able to get it because of me being aegoromantic and also very distrusting of other people, even my family and friends to an extent.

I’m probably the last person who should be in a relationship. I’m explosive, struggle to communicate my feelings, and am extremely obsessive to the point that I would go nights crying over someone I cared about.

My obsessive tendencies know no bounds.

Oh and need I forget about how black and white my thinking is? I genuinely can’t see people as anything other than completely good or completely bad so I’ll go hot and cold on a person if I like them but they do something I don’t like. Like I’ll love them one day and hate them the next.

Idk I have a problem, but case in point is that I feel like love and romance are too inaccessible to me because of who I am, so I’m just left with a gross pit in my chest every time I see a couple being all cutesy and shit.

It’s excruciating.

That moment when you accidentally reblog a post on your side blog instead of your main blog…

Fml man I hate having to jump between two different blogs constantly.

WARNING:

POSSIBLE NSFW & SH MENTIONS

I just got a message from I think a bot or maybe a scammer trying to get me to be his sugarbaby or something like that.

I blocked of course but it got me thinking…

Even if it wasn’t a ploy or something I just wanna say:

Bitch in what world am I sugar baby material?😭I’m a hopeless, fat virgin who cuts herself to cope with stress(which doesn’t even work anymore), can’t maintain a healthy friendship to save her life, and will throw a hissy fit when things don’t go exactly as she wants it to go.

I struggle doing minimal tasks such as getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and scrolling on my phone, praying that I get more online attention.

They say people are complex but if I were a rubix puzzle i’d be a fucking dodecahedron.

I’m a mess and I wear that fact on my sleeve.

I doubt that I can handle a relationship, let alone a transactional one.

I just realized that I probably will look stupid af in the DearMyLove clothes I got once they get here.

I don’t have any cute looking shoes that can match with the clothes. I did make a wish list and put mary janes on them but that’s for December.

Wtf kind of shoes am I gonna wear with it? Fucking crocs? Converse sneakers? Open-toe sandals?

I know Jirai is more of a lifestyle than a fashion subculture so this shouldn’t matter that much, but DAMMIT I really don’t wanna look like a complete mess in clothes I spent so much on.(ToT)

I really hate how I just can’t have a consistent goal or dream in my life.

As a kid I dreamed of being a veterinarian because I loved animals but eventually gave up on that because I lost that spark to actually care for them.

I mean it’s normal for that to happen but the thing is that I can barely take care of myself so I don’t trust myself enough to care for another living thing.

I had dreams in middle school to be a webcomic artist but I also lost the spark for it since I struggled to even pick up a pencil sometimes and often had art block.

Now currently I dream of being some form of popular/famous and find that Vtubers tend to be a hot topic on the internet so I’m like “Why not?”

But then I realized I’m nowhere near fucking stable to be a good streamer and would probably make my audience hella uncomfortable and not wanna watch my stuff. Plus I know I would get tired of fame very fast.

All in all I just want to be loved.

I want to be known and seen for what I am, but I know that’ll never be possible because I’m genuinely such a mess that I scare people and make them lose hope in me, and that’s not even exaggerating. My parents have said to me on quite a few occasions that they don’t know what to do with me anymore.

Idk maybe for all I know it could just be a case of me being young and aimless, but I won’t deny it’s the most frustrating shit ever.

I don’t want to have another “crush”.

I need to have a full blown obsession.

I need to have someone to be the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

I need to have someone to admire and adore every single aspect and flaw about them.

I need someone who I can confide in and be honest with and they can with me.

I don’t care if it’s for a week or even a day.

I miss being able to feel fuzzy things for other people.

A reminder that being an introvert isn't a negative trait. And I think people should get that in their head.

When your "I'm only comfortable with people i know" type of person is interpreted as "I'm too good for everyone and everything except those whom i approve of" like, no no no, i really wanna participate in the parties and dancing and your fun activities etc etc but in front of everyone ??? Nah I'll pass. Just let me sit in peace and enjoy the damn event.