I Wish I Liked Myself

take me out back and give me the old yeller special atp i’m fed up dawg

did it ever mean anything to you?

the adolescent kisses in the dark, the shared cigarettes, the late nights, the early mornings, the drunken words, the secrets only we knew, the gifts, the letters, the “i love you”s and shared wardrobes really meant nothing?

was i always that disposable?

i know i wasn’t what you wanted, but i thought that maybe i could be what you needed. i know that’s selfish, i’m sorry. you were everything to me. the light in the inescapable darkness, the sugar in my coffee, the luck of finding a $20 bill on the ground. you were everything valuable in my world. everything worth living for.

i know now that our legacy is nothing but tainted memories and forgotten polaroids, and i know i should shelf the image of you, but i can’t help but miss you. i miss my boyfriend, i miss my best friend. no one knows me like you did, and i’m terrified no one else ever will.

i know to you it was just one summer and some change, but to me it was the most idyllic period of my life. it was the summer of love, though later unrequited. did you ever mean it when you told me you loved me?

whatever i’m just rambling and stuff, no one really sees these posts anyway. i just miss the feeling of being special to someone.

I don’t know if people actually read my posts anymore but I apologize to those who do

lay me down with the leaves and the moss. rest me by rotting wood with hidden mushrooms and beneath trees as tall as mountains. let the forest eat me alive.

I’m beginning to understand the grinch on a personal level I fear

Should of done it when I had the chance

It will haunt me forever

God made me a trans man because he knew I’d be too powerful as a butch lesbian

Everyday is a loop I’m tweaking

And I’m too stagnant to do anything about it

Whatever we ball

Suns out. flowers are blooming. birds are chirping. yaoi shit is happening to me. maybe it'll all be ok

also side note: fuck shia lebouf btw

just finished watching honey boy and what the fuck. all i did was cry for the last 30 minutes of that movie. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a movie that horrifically, yet beautifully relatable.