Now This Is A Beautiful Picture. Majestic, Mysterious.... Just Perfect.

As I said earlier, I prefer no or foreign vocals, but of course there is always an exception. So here, have more good songs. Good in my opinion, that is. Pun intended.

Entry #33, 14/4/20

I’m so sorry I stopped updating! I kinda forgot I had a blog--- but I’ll try to remember and update more often from now on!

Anyway... a quick summary of what happened (of course with the help of my diary because I forget everything way too fast):

1.: Me and my ‘‘best’‘ friend Cel stopped talking. She barely has any time anymore, so I gave up on trying to contact her. I told her how i felt about the whole situation, and kinda--- emotionally detached from her again?? I came to terms with the fact that we won’t talk anymore, but instead of breaking off contact I decided to keep her as a ‘‘friend’‘ for roleplaying, cuz she’s the only one I have a bnha-roleplay with.

2.: The guy from the German equivalent of child services was here twice, and we’ll probably get the family-helper peeps after this whole ‘‘situation’‘ with the pandemic is over.

3.: Pesto (my ex-bestie) texted me a while back. I said i would give him a second chance, but honestly... I was really disappointed when I found out he hadn’t killed himself. I tried to make him do it passive-aggressively, but he got a gf and his mental health was very good in general, so I’ll just wait until he has another depressive-episode (he’s bipolar)...

4.: A guy from my school, that I literally talked to once before and that we’ll call Dennis, asked a good friend of mine (Freddie) if he could get my number. Freddie told me and asked if I was okay with him giving Dennis my number, I said yes... big mistake. Dennis started texting me every twenty minutes, it got really annoying, but I was too scared to hurt his feeling, so I didn’t tell him off. He started talking to me in school too, gave me a drawing (a bad one at that) and just made me really uncomfortable in general. After getting a bit of advice from a couple other girls I told him I was uncomfortable with texting him, he said he understood, but was clearly hurt by what I said (I tried to be as nice as possible!). Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him right now... >~<°

5.: I got an interview for a politics-project I need for school. It went well, I got all the info I needed, yeet.

And since I’m a meanie, I saved the best for last:

I got a girlfriend!~~ (31.3.20 UwU) She’s in all of the discord servers I’m in, and even before we got together we talked super often and complimented each other constantly... She’s super cute! Whenever I talk to her I feel so much lighter, happier and just overall better...~ and if you’d have asked past me if I could ever imagine getting a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend as my first ever relationship, I’d have shouted ‘‘No way!’‘- and now look where that got me. It’s not even like I was homophobic, I just thought it was weird for me to like a girl because that’s just how I was raised. (My gramps was a really religious christian, and of course the whole ‘‘very religious grandpa’‘ stereotype wouldn’t be complete without a heaping pile of homophobia...) Now I’m happily in love, I even imagined how awesome it would be to move in together, adopt a kid and get married... which I never could before (with anyone, not just girls) without feeling a little weird about it. But now I can imagine all I want and even feel like it’s the right thing to do!~ God, I could go on and on about how much I love her... <3

There’s something else I want to address as well tho, so no can do. I got into a fight with my mother just a couple days ago, and I’m giving her the Todoroki-Treatment again (I talk to her as little as possible, and when I do, I have a monotone voice and neutral expression). She accused me of so many things I didn’t do, and even said to my face that I was born as [deadname] and will always stay [deadname]. I’m using the word deadname not because I’m trans (cuz that’s where it’s actually supposed to be used), but because I hate the name I was born with and don’t want to be addressed with the name that I link so many bad memories with. The very next day, she took away my phone and laptop because I was ‘’disrespectful’‘. The day after that, (12.4.20, Easter+ my little sister’s b-day) she wanted to talk about what happened again and admitted she was wrong. She apologized, even wrote ‘‘Mary’‘ on an egg custom-filled with chocolate to ‘‘buy’‘ my happiness in a way. Didn’t work. She was just being really pathetic... like always after a fight when she ‘’regrets saying those things and that she actually didn’t mean them’‘. I’m just in complete control whenever that happens, and it’s really awesome bc I can make her feel really bad by just not talking to her lmao-

Anyway, that was all that happened. I’ll let you know when something interesting is going on. Bai! ^^

Entry #29, 1/1/20

Hey there, everyone! (Or no one, depending on the audience I have... or not have ^^°) Anyways! I hope your holidays have been good! Mine have been... okay, I guess. But lemme start at the beginning like a normal person-

Before I get started, I’ll describe the way the home of my big sister is built so it won’t get confusing. So. The house they live in is three stories high: the ground floor belongs to my sister’s parents-in-law. Almost the whole flat there belongs to them; only the entrance hall is like a ‘‘common area’‘ and can be used by everyone. The 1st floor is parted in two flats, both belonging to my sis and her boyfriend. The bigger one is their normal living space, where they have most essential things like their kitchen, main bathroom and their bedrooms. The smaller one is only for my sis and her boyfriend, and maybe a guest that stays with them. That flat consists of a gaming/movie room for her bf, a smoking room for my sis, and a guest bedroom. Each flat also has their own bathroom: the smaller one has a small bathroom that only the males are allowed to use, the bigger one has a big/medium sized bathroom that only females are allowed to use. Now, onto the 2nd floor: it’s above the bigger flat, and just consists of two rooms, the children’s rooms. My niece and my nephew each have their own room, both built the same so they don’t fight. Now that you have a good image of what their house looks like, let’s get onto the actual blog!

So! My little sister (Who will be called 0/O from now on), ___ and I went to my big sister’s (her ‘’code’’ is *) place to spend the holidays with her, her boyfriend and her kids. The first day went quite well. We arrived, ate and I went to sleep in my niece’s room with her. On the 24th, I woke up at about 8 am- 2 hours before we started preparing breakfast. We went downstairs (to the kitchen), ate, and did whatever. Then, at about 5pm, * told us to go and get dressed festively, because we were eating in the entrance hall with her parents-in-law. I put on a hoodie, but apparently that wasn’t festive enough, so she gave me one of her tank-tops and wool jackets. (I’d just like to add that I hate, an I can’t stress this enough, HATE tank-tops. She knows that, but makes me wear them anyways, because ‘‘you have the right body for it’‘. Wer schön sein will muss leiden, I guess... even though I don’t want to-) She made me take a couple of pictures of her with ‘her part of the family’ (her kids, boyfriend and dogs), and after made me pose with my little sister and mother. I didn’t want to, but she said she’d give me chocolate, and honestly I thought it would’ve just been childish to be like ‘‘BuT i DoN’t WaNt To’‘, so I did. And it was only one picture. (One too much if you ask me-) Then we went downstairs to eat. The food was good, but I got a stomachache halfway-through the meal. I asked my sister for meds, and she said she’d go and see if they had any, buuut... she didn’t. I thought that she forgot, but in case she didn’t and just didn’t want to, I left it at that. I didn’t want her to be mad at me for being ‘impatient’, even though I got more and more uncomfortable with every second. Nonetheless, I forced myself to have a good time, because hey, it was Christmas eve, and I should enjoy the time I spend with my family and ignore a small, unimportant thing like a mild stomachache. So I did. And it was fun! I think... I mean the others seemed to have fun, and I tried real hard to find any emotion at all inside of me! ...but, you guessed it, I failed. There wasn’t a spark of anything; no happiness, no sadness, no nothing. It’s kinda sad if you think about it. I spent Christmas eve the best way possible, but didn’t feel the fun I should’ve had. One more reason to get ‘em back!

Anyways... after the meal we went to sleep, and when I got woken up by my niece the next morning (I was still sleeping on a mattress in her room), she had already been downstairs. She told me about all of the presents that were in the living room, and when my sister fake-woke up and yelled ‘‘OH MY GOD KIIIDS; SANTA WAS HEEEREEEE’‘ like an absolute madman, everyone assembled in the living room.

I’ll make a lil cut here to make it easier for you to read, the next part of the story will be published shortly! <3

~Mary~

Entry #28, 19/12/19

Hello!~

So, how has your week been? I hope it was better than mine! I had to (re-)take three exams! One in English, one in biology and another in math today! I am allowed to retake the math one, because I wasn’t there when they started the new subject, and I am really glad my teacher understands that I need more time to study. (Especially cuz I’m stupid---) Anyways, enough from school. Let’s get to the school changing part instead~ So, I basically had to choose a new school to change to, because the other’s a private school, and that would miss the whole point of changing schools. Instead of a private school, I picked a public school near the other I chose before.

OH. MY. CHINCHILLA. Peeps, I just remembered that MCR will start their reunion tour tomorrow! I am absolutely THRILLED to hear the new album they’re definitely gonna drop soon, right? Of course they would. They’d give us all the best gift for Christmas that one could ask for. Right?

Ah floop, I just realized I still have stuff to do. I’ll see you soon!

The edgy emeow~

Entry #19, 9/26/19

Hello. In the past week I got new shoes, black ones, along with black fingerless mittens. I do have almost everything in black, except for my phone case. It's purple going over to blue, and I can't even put into words how much I can't stand it. It has the wrong colors, small (obviously fake) diamonds on the side, and it's overall too glittery. It maakes me want to puke, but as long as I don't have anything else, I'll have to live with it.

I started writing a little fanfiction out of boredom, and two of the three people I showed it to think it's good. I might publish it, but only here. There are too many people that follow my wattpad to post it there. Yes, I do consider 62 (I think?) too many. Nobody comes around here, so yeah. I'm already working on chapter two, and fortunately I'll have enough time for that on the weekend.

Me and Sophie started talking daily again. We're currently roleplaying, only boku no hero academia for now. Maybe Creepypasta will be a project for the future again, who knows?

Nothing else really happened, but there's a lot of exams coming up, but other than that there's no interesting thing to talk about anymore. So goodbye, readers.

Side entry #1, 9/10/19

The fifth grader I talked about, that looked like me, you remember her, right? Turns out she's growing to be more like me; she has a little- twist, let's call it that- and already wanted to stab someone in the hand with her scissors. I couldn't be prouder. Such great potential, in such a small human... a fragile one for the time being. But she'll grow stronger, I know it, I can feel it...

Entry #22, 11/5/19

Hello, everyone. I’ve found the time and ways to finally update. I got a laptop, and I’m still figuring out how to actually work with it, but I’m managing. At least I can continue writing my story without having to wait 5 hours for my computer to boot up and the program to start. I should probably add, that this is my first laptop since I could never really afford one, but my mother got this one (which was her old one before) fixed, and she has a new one. Hooray for me. Anyways. I wanted to let all of you (aka nobody in particular, just future me) know, that my tumblr app, which I used before to post and all, has an error that makes me unable to use it. That’s why I wasn’t able to post. But since I’ve got a solution for that problem now, I should be able to post more or less regularly.

Apart from that, not much has been going on. I am aware that I’m not doing enough for school and I didn’t do my homework, I should probably study right now rather than updating here, but am I going to do so? No, of course not. Why? Well, mainy because I don’t want to. I should bring some dicipline into my life, I know, but who needs dicipline when they can have fun? Or at least not be annoyed or unhappy. My personal opinion is, that you should do what makes you happy, but you should also work for your happiness. Nothing is free in this world.

Ah, another day, another rant. but I should (rather want to) lay down in my bed now, and probably either read or draw. I wish everyone a good night, evening or morning, goodbye.

What a beautiful day...

Entry #34, 1/29/25, very short

Wow. So glad I remembered the password. Time for a new entry, I guess?

Sooooo much happened. So very much. And honestly, I'm kind of sad that I didn't continue this blog while I lived with my sister, because ohhh boy would that have been fun to read now. It was a shit show. But luckily I still have my diaries from that time... it almost feels like I survived a war or something. I think I'll just start writing down random things I remember and want to have written down somewhere before I forget them, so from now on, imagine a fat tw in front of every post concerning that topic. I'll specify if certain subjects are more prominent in a post, but you can almost certainly expect verbal abuse, helpless rage and probably swearing.

To give you a quick idea of where I am now:

- I live alone (or, well, independently. I share my flat with two dudes. I'll call one Tom and the other Marc.)

- Since my last entry, I was in 2 relationships. Both of them were toxic. Now I'm with my boyfriend, who I'll be calling Derrick, since November last year

- I went no contact with my oldest sister (the one whose place I was at in the entry about Christmas and how disappointed I was)

- I also went no contact with my mother (formerly known as ___ or Voldemort)

- I'm in therapy, got diagnosed with ADHD, got meds for it

-My grades plummeted . But now I'm doing better, thanks to the meds.

- I'm now 19 years old and go by Jamie since 2022 around friends and like early 2023 around teachers, nowadays everyone refers to me and knows me as Jamie. Pronouns-wise, all are fine, but I prefer he/they. I'm enby and pan, should you care

- All racists, homophobes, transphobes and similar people that just have to get up in everybody's business, feel free to contact me if you want to have a respectful convo about it to exchange views :)

Seeya!

Entry #9, 8/7/19

I've finished Diary nr. 11. Number 12 is fortunately not blank on the inside, and has lines I can write on. I still think it's very pretty.

Pesto's gonna talk to his crush today, and they'll meet up soon. I hope the meetup will lead to more action between them.

Pesto has asked me, if I wanted to translate a script for him, and maybe I'll get the chance to voice act! It'd be awesome! I love voice acting.

Nothing more happened. Goodbye, seeya!