Dead Dove - Blog Posts

yan!butcher! ( ˘ ³˘)♥

a/n: yawnn gojo series coming sooonnnn :3

cw: gaslighting, gore (butchered body parts), dead dove, reader is a stereotypical horror movie character, gn!reader, paranoia

credits for dividers: @lavendergalactic ! please check out their work

yan!butcher who noticed the new person in town, hauling things out of a truck and moving in to a cottage nearby. he didn't pay attention much, he had a whole business to run! that is, until you showed up at his butchery.

you looked all confused, probably never having to talk to the butcher before and instead grabbing the meat from the shelves. you kept asking him questions about which part was the brisket and which one was the tenderloin. and he'll admit, his heart melted. he gave you a pound of beef and told you the best ways to keep it fresh, he even offered you a discount!

yan!butcher who remembers his mom telling him a way to a person's heart is through the stomach. which makes sense anatomy wise, so it must work with you too! so now he always asks if you're eating well and whatever your answer is you're still getting a pound of meat.

yan!butcher who notices you haven't been visiting lately, did he give so much meat you're stocked for the month that you don't even need to visit him anymore??? he asks some of the locals, and he comes back with the fact you went shopping in the far away mall...with your friends.

why do you even HAVE friends anyways...he's much more fun to be around...even his neighbors have been asking him why he's so gloomy! he has to do something about this! he can't let these..these friends steal you from him!

....looking at one of your friend's corpse, he can't help but think it was too easy. he propped them up at his butcher block, kind of just staring at them as if he didn't know he did it. oh well, he's one step closer to you! maybe he could give you a message, something to show he means business!

...you're terrified when you open the random box left at your doorstep to see your friends' hands and head. what do you do with this?! do you turn it in to the police? the police doesn't seem very capable around these areas...maybe if you ignore it and throw it out it won't be a problem.

then another one, and another one, and you're left with one. you beg them to leave early, not saying why, but you know they're scared too. so now you have no one but yan!butcher. a win for him!

you vent to him about how your friends 'disappeared', and how you're scared you're gonna be next. he only keeps reassuring you that no one would kill you because it'd be a war crime to kill someone so pretty like you. you don't seem comforted.

so...instead...yan!butcher invites you to stay over at his house! just to make sure! you very much reluctantly agree, figuring you have nothing to lose since he seems nice, and he's basically your only friend in town.

he sets up his spare bedroom just for you, remembering that he actually has to wash blankets he doesn't use because it'd be weird. he's very formal about the whole thing, so formal it's kind of endearing and a bit funny in some way?

you settle down, pulling your blankets over, still a bit paranoid, but eventually falling asleep.

if only you paid a little more attention to those cuts.

`· . ❛ content warnings. ❜ perverted choso kamo. voodoo. non-consensual. raw penetration. coercion. 18+ content.

choso always takes a seat behind you during art class, secretly admiring you with pragmatic, heart shaped eyes while his assignment lies forgotten. his attention is completely enthralled by you, and if anyone else saw him staring at you like that, they’d most definitely think he was a freak. he eyes your back profile, cherishing the fall of your pretty hair cascading over your shoulders and how it flows down your back, studying the way your arms extend, propped on the table to support your lean as you immerse yourself in your work.

“choso, stop staring at her and get back to work,” the professor sighs, and choso jolts out of his daze at the sudden reprimand, his focus on you breaking abruptly. you curiously turn around by the professor’s scolding, and your gaze meets a pair of flustered brown eyes. the male’s ears turn mildly red, immediately diverting his stare elsewhere. your arm jerks awkwardly at the distraction, and it causes the sharp blade of the scissors to slip, accidentally nicking your finger.

with a wince, you quickly bring your finger to your mouth and stand up from your chair to get a band-aid. choso's eyes dart to the scissors—glancing around the room before he leans over and snatches the bloodied pair.

the perfect touch to his project he was working on, and without another thought, he snugly tucks it into his bag.

. . .

you return a few minutes later, searching questioningly for the pair of scissors you were using earlier, and you even look underneath your table, but they are nowhere to be found.

how odd.

you turn to the last resource you could think of—the boy with dark hair styled into two messy buns, a few strands of hair falling loosely and framing his undeniably gorgeous features.

choso kamo, the quiet, reserved, and stereotypical hot emo guy everyone rants about.

you’ve never really talked to him, mainly because you think he’s a little weird with the constant times you’ve caught him staring at you. so, you hesitate for a moment, clearing your throat, mustering up the courage to ask him about your mysteriously missing scissors.

“hey, by any chance, have you seen my scissors?”

choso blinks, completely caught off guard as his dark eyes skim around the classroom, and for a second, he’s just dumbfounded, idiotically staring at you as if he’s fucking stupid.

“uh—i, um… no, haven’t seen them,” he straightforwardly lies, as if he hadn’t just stole them—yet, he initially trips over his words and he mentally cursed himself for sounding so slow.

you hum, not pushing it upon hearing his response, so you decide to just let it go. “okay, mind if i borrow your scissors, then?” you ask, gesturing to the untouched pair of black scissors laying on his desk as his ears start to turn red again. you smile, and you notice how, for some reason, he always gets so jittery whenever you stare back at him or, on rare occasions, talk to him.

. . .

a cloud of unease rolls into the pit of your stomach, and your fingers clench around your pen. you shift uncomfortably in your seat, and that’s when your body stiffens in your chair, thighs instinctively clenching together as you feel a large, unidentifiable object splitting your velvety walls open.

holy shit.

you instantly clasp a hand around your mouth to stifle the moan threatening to escape your ruby glossed lips. your body tenses, goosebumps prickling up your skin while the hairs on the back of your neck rise.

what the hell?

. . .

choso leans against the cool tile wall of one of the bathroom stalls, his breath coming out in choppy, short circuted breaths as his mind whirls lewd thoughts of you—you looked too damn edible for your own good. the way you spoke to him, the way you bent over as your skirt hitched up exposing the curve of your ass as the fabric hardly made efforts to cover you brought him to his knees.

his thick digits wrap around his hard-on, stroking his bulge that had been painfully aching since he'd been eye fucking you earlier in class. shit. a groan tumbles from his slightly ajar lips, his hand gripping his throbbing cock as he aligns himself with the opening between the special replica of you. he slowly pushes in, imagining your flustered expression, and the confusion evident through your knitted brows as the helplessness etches on your face when you grow aware of the sudden feeling of your walls being stretched wide open.

situated in the farthest row of desks in your psychology class, you bite back a moan as you feel a slippery stir between your legs, a fleeting sting that dispersed into bliss. choso's hands tremble, and without wasting another second he pulls back, just until his pudgy tip teased the dolls socket, lightly thrusting into the soft cotton-lined hole inside that clung onto his gooey shaft, and you feel it again—your walls contracting against something as his mushroom tip nudges your cervix.

you lean back, your spine hitting the cold surface of the backseat as your fingers grip the edge of the desk for dear life, knuckles blanching as choso works himself deeper into the doll and it syncs to you, the nirvana pulsing through your veins as the color drains from your face. a quiet gasp slips past your lips which you swiftly disguise as a cough. your eyes flicker around the room nervously, and you can palpably feel the ridges of the veins on the underside of his cock as your plush walls squeeze him, accustoming to the stretch.

his hand tightens around the doll, mimicking the tightness he craved as his shaft disappears into the fluffy fiber. your thighs clamp shut and the sudden pace fastens. subconsciously, you begin to dig your nails into the wooden planes of the table, shifting your hips and trying to ground yourself as choso pumps the doll on his rock solid length—a cry evoking his lips. he’s pathetically whimpering your name, and choso’s weak at the thought of ravishing you without even having to lay a single digit on you—the idea alone was just enough to have his knees buckling. he jerks his hips up to meet the thrust of his hand, and you can’t help the low grunts slipping past your own lips as his length drags against the ridges of your cloying, gummy walls, making it practically impossible for you to sit still.

your heart is well ahead of you, the muscles beating inside your chest rapidly, and the euphoria of his pudgy tip hitting against your hymen has your irises rolling back, tears prickling the inner corners of your vision as your windpipes expel shallow breaths. his lashes bat against the apples of his cheeks, and his raven colored orbs flutter shut. his hand pumps more aggressively on his cock—and his orgasm approaches sooner than he anticipated.

you sense it, his dick twitching inside your spongy, spasming walls before shaky hips buck forward, triggering your stomach to churn in turmoils. choso’s engorged tip kisses your hymen and his warm, creamy seed gushes into the doll, stimulating your own orgasm. your back arches forward and you struggle to remain composed with the heat pooling in the innards of your gut as your teeth gnaw at your tender-vermilion lip, another soft moan slipping from you when you feel your mixed juices dribble down your slick folds.

29. Date

Kidd - 18 | Killer - 21

Tags specifically for this chapter:

discussions of minors and sex

Kidd confronts Killer on him leaving

Killer struggles with Kidd's age

discussions of teenagers and age gaps

would they actually talk about this irl/cannon - i dunno...

probably not... but then again, they are soft about the other

be ready for an awkward fight that they've been needing to have a for a few years now

but also needed to wait to have until Kidd matured a little bit

Read at A03 linked above or here below cut

Drabbles from Pocket Jack's KiKi-tober Prompt list

They were supposed to be going out on the town, the island they'd docked at having a wide selection of restaurants and concert halls and other amusements. They'd been loitering in the area past their departure as the days slowly ticked away in the second week of the new year, specifically for tonight. Instead, Kidd and Killer found themselves drinking in the quiet galley, sharing gossip and reminiscing about an island that never quite felt like home there at the end.

About the wild exploits of The Kid Boss of the Heaps - a teenager that had managed to unify the unmanageable, and how even Killer's Boss had sat up and took notice before their group had imploded.

Kidd had had a few times where the same had almost happen to him too, before he really came to understand the power he'd found himself responsible for - "People only fear you for so long before they hate you enough to do something about it." Which was terribly profound when you realize a 16 year old had come to understand this before the adults around him did.

"At least you had some charisma that got you a few people that had your back. Nobody followed me because they thought I was going to be a good Boss. I was just the poor bastard left standing with the dust cleared. As soon as they realized they had other options, it was an exodus. Most of them defected to you or Wire pretty fast."

"I did notice an uptick of sycophants after that one meeting we had."

"I believe I warned you about that."

Kidd nodded. "Yeah... yeah, you warned me about a few things. You were right - about using my fruit around people. It being a bad idea."

"... I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well. Live and learn."

"I hope you smeared the assholes to paste."

Kidd chuckled darkly, "I did indeed. They were worthless; be glad they ditched out on you."

"It was only a matter of time before they left. They all do." Killer conceded, sipping his beer though a straw Dive had found... somewhere. "Just sorry you had to deal with them."

"You left me." He hadn't meant it accusatorially, not really. Just a statement of fact. But once it was out, Kidd felt a little angry about the whole thing. Killer just going on about being left behind, oh woe is me, but he did the same damn thing.

Killer frozen in place, before slowly putting his mug on the table. Kidd could feel him looking to the galley exit, calculating how to leave.

Fuck that.

"Was I that awful to be around?"

Killer rubbed his palms on his jeans, and Kidd swallowed thickly around the lump forming there.

"Oh."

"Look.. It..." Killer got up then, and Kidd watched him start to pace, feeling more and more uneasy with each anxious step Killer took. "It wasn't you, it was me... Well, it was you but it wasn't your fault."

"I have no idea what that means."

Killer's head is tilted up like the ceiling holds the answers.

"Killer, what the fuck does that mean?"

Killer shook his head, and Kidd stood up abruptly, ready to block him from fleeing.

"Killer! What did I do?"

"It wasn't your fault." Killer reiterated, and that didn't make anything clearer, and they both knew it. "You were just... You were kind of a lot... at.... that age..."

"I was 14! What are you on about?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Kidd had a sickening feeling starting to form in his gut. It must have shown in his face, because Killer glanced at him once before quickly looking away.

"You... got a little.. handsy. At night."

"Handsy?"

"A lot handsy. And.. clingy?" His voice pitched like a question, like he was trying to find a way to word Kidd's apparent behavior while downplaying it at the same time.

Kidd slumped against the table they'd just been enjoying drinks at. "How bad was I?"

"Four Blues, Kidd - you were awful." Killer groaned, "Every fucking night, three times a night, minimum, you'd be all over me."

"I... I.."

"Every time I thought it safe to drift off, you start making these little noises and I was so sleep deprived, Kidd. So sleep deprived. I'd leave in the morning purely to go sleep in Ceannard's office for a couple hours."

"I was 14!"

"When I was 14, I would get up and fucking take care of it - you just.." Killer voice had a panicky edge he'd never heard, before pointing wildly at him, "Every fucking morning, I wake up and had to deal with you getting off dry humping me. And you didn't even have the decency to be awake!"

"So you should of woken me and told me to knock it the fuck off!" Kidd paused, head cocking to the side as he studied how Killer had tensed up, bad shoulder touched in - "You didn't want me to wake up. You didn't... you didn't want me to know. Why?"

The mask hides a lot - Killer was always too expressive - his face an open book. But the mask didn't hide everything. Not from Kidd at least.

"You were into it."

Killer shook his head. Not a denial of Kidd's words, a denial that they were being spoken in the first place. He was coiled up so tight Kidd wasn't sure he was even breathing anymore.

"You liked me all rubbing up on you." Kidd almost wanted to preen at that, anyone else he would be puffed out proud. Instead a knot formed in his gut. You got off on it He keeps himself from saying, the thought tangling in his throat, forcing him to swallow thickly. Or you wanted to at least...

Killer made to widen the gap, but Kidd wouldn't let him, crowding him up against the wall.

"Then why would you leave?" he cried, not understanding at all, "I was horny, you were horny, what was the problem? We coulda fucked around a little, so what?"

"Because Killer might be good for a quick fuck, but nobody sticks around long after!"

Kidd started at him quietly, stunned, step back like Killer's words had been a physical blow. Killer hunched in himself, slouching back, surprised by his own confession.

"Killer..."

"I thought... I thought if I left first it would hurt so bad. You were getting along with the other Heaps' and you had a reputation for being an tough asshole so I thought... I thought you'd be okay."

Kidd pressed his fingers up on the bottom lip of Killer's mask, a request not a demand, his brows pinched unhappily.

Killer relented, and pulled the helmet off. But Kidd surprised him by taking it from him, holding it in his hands thoughtfully. He studied the interconnected plating, planning on how he'd make the next one different - better ventilation and more internal padding around the ears.

"I really liked Vicky." He started solemnly, "The three of us. Hanging out together. And sure, I wasn't thrilled about the two of you ditching me all the time. I thought maybe I was jealous of you for a long time, getting to hang out with her alone. And maybe I was... But I think I was also jealous of her. But then she was gone." Kidd spoke to the helmet, easier to say this to the empty drill marks than the man in front of him. "But that was okay because I still had you. And .. And I really liked being with you. I always felt safe, and waking up every morning with you right there... and then.. and then you weren't anymore. Even before you left, you started to be distant, and I hoped maybe you just got a new girlfriend and after the novelty wore off things would go back to how they were."

Killer was quiet, watching his hands fiddling with the metal, before he gently took the mask back.

"But it was me. You left because of me."

The worst part was Killer couldn't even disagree. He turned away from Kidd to put the helmet aside. "I left because I didn't know how to tell you no. I left because I rolled over and let anyone fuck me for a kind word, and I knew that I'd let you too, if you wanted. But you were 14 and you're my kid, and it got all weird and complicated and I didn't know how to see you as someone who wanted sex yet and .. And I was scared if I gave in, if let you take what you wanted, you'd toss me aside too once you were satisfied... so I ran away before you could."

"And if Vicky hadn't died... would you have ever talked to me again?"

He watched Killer's hand caress the line of white and blue. "No." He said finally. "No. You were doing so well; I was so fucking proud of you. You turned into this great man: You united the Heaps, made them believe they were people again. You had all them following you because they saw you were someone worth following. And I knew that I didn't have anything to do with that. That was all you. And I didn't deserve to talk to you anymore."

"Excuse me?" Kidd frowned, "What the fuck do you mean - you didn't have anything to do with that? You don't deserve to talk to me? What are you on about?"

When Killer didn't answer, Kidd grabbed his elbow and forced him to turn back, "Look me in the face and say that bullshit again!"

Killer stubbornly remain quiet.

"No!" Kidd growled, "I've gladly bashed the face in of anybody who talked shit about you. Don't think I'm gonna let you say it either."

Killer opened his mouth to start to say something but then stopped again.

"Killer!" frustrated, Kidd grabbed Killer's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him, "Say it to my face. If you're going to insult my friend, have the balls to say it to my face."

Killer met his eyes this time, blue to orange, complementary and contrasting in equal parts, and Kidd frowned at the pained pinch at the corners, the shame Killer wore in his features. He didn't understand, and no searching helped him find the reason. "Why would you ever say that you aren't the reason I got this far in life?"

Killer tried to escape his look by closing his eyes, but Kidd shook him softly; Killer's long lashes brushing his thumbs when he opened them again.

"Why did you leave me?" he tried again.

"You were 14...."

The light went on this time, Kidd breathing out a soft, "Oh" as Killer tried to look away again. Kidd rubbed his thumb against Killer's cheekbone, tipping his head back until their eyes met again. "I'm not anymore."

Killer was starting back at him, a fearful guarded look. But now, now Kidd thought he understood. He smiled back, tone soft, "Can I kiss you?"

The fear was still there, but Kidd would show him. He waited until Killer lowered his gaze, but nodded, a soft, "Okay" that was both defeated and begging.

Kidd smiled, hands sliding up Killer's cheeks to brush his bangs away and placed a soft kiss to Killer's forehead, smirking at the red painted lip marks left behind. Killer was looking up at him curiously though his lashes. Kidd rearranged Killer's bangs until the mark was hidden under wild hair.

"It's my birthday... come have dinner with me?"

"Okay."

A Hole in the Earth

John Price x f!Reader | read on ao3 | thank you @glossysoap <3 for beta reading

One day, the earth opens up and swallows you whole. There's nothing that remains of you, except John Price's wife.

cw: rape/non-con, abduction, drugging, physical/corporal punishment (being spanked with a belt), non-con touching/groping, non-con medical procedures (lobotomy), forced gender roles, forced marriage, body horror, forced pregnancy, John is not mentally sound, dead dove, one shot, dark fic, i am being so serious when i say reader is forcefully undergoes a lobotomy.

The moment his eyes find you, you’re his — not that you’re aware of it.

John Price is a quiet man who lives a not-so-quiet life, but he desperately wants to. Some deep part of him yearns for a life in a cottage planted next to the lowering seaside thick with brine and mist. There, he could work on the fringes of some dewy forest. Craft items to sell like they did in the times of yore until the scent of some freshly cooked dinner called him home. 

Inside the cottage, he would find his wife with a plump, happy child babbling on her hip. She’d smile and greet him while setting their child in their seat and she’d rattle off all the adorable things the baby did that day. He’d stuff himself full, comment on his widening waistline, and they’d spend the evening reading in the living room together. Curled up together like huddling animals until their child was yawning and whiny. 

Once the bassinet swallowed his little one whole, and the house and earth was quiet, he’d lay his wife down to rest. Flat on her back, legs pushed up against the press of his hips as he ruts into her. And he’d whisper quiet words into her skin, little thanks for the work she does and the child she’s given him — preemptively thanking her for the next one she’s bound to carry after tonight. 

This is the life he’s dreamed of having, and the moment his eyes spot you entering the library, his heart nearly stops. 

Here you are — the woman he imagines marrying. Everything about you is perfect. The angles of your body and the poise you carry yourself with as you float between shelves of books. Stalking behind you, he can’t help but think your rump would look much better if you were to change out of those jeans and into a dress like any proper wife would, but he drops the specifics as you settle into a table tucked next to the floor to ceiling windows. 

Yes; here you are. The quintessence of the woman he’s dreamed of. Of posture and presentation, everything about you on a physical level is perfect—

—until you open your mouth.

As a friend comes to join you at the table, and your pretty lips get to flapping, John learns much about you and your anomalous life. How you’re studying hard for some degree, about the exam you have on Monday and the way’s you’ve been attempting to mitigate the stress. It’s difficult working towards a PHD. Of being the first woman in your family to attempt to earn such a feat. 

The idea of it all makes his head spin as he covertly flips through the book he stopped reading ten pages back. You — with your wide eyes and wet lips — deserve to be taken care of. Living a stress free life where your only worry should be about what to do with the food he provides, or what hobby you intend on indulging on for the day, or what to name the child growing in your womb. 

Really, it’s a shame the world has come to this. Where men scarcely provide for the women they marry, and mothers must slave away at jobs they shouldn’t need just to feed their children. A woman’s place is at home, comfortable behind strong walls and closed doors where she can cultivate a family and live a quiet life full of love and warmth. 

But John Price is just one man, and he knows he cannot save everyone. The blood staining his hands and the bones crushed beneath the soles of his boots remind him of this fact every single day. It haunts him the way rot precedes death. 

But he can — at the very least — save you. 

Most creatures wail at the sight of salvation, and you are no different. 

It takes time, like all things do, for the drugs in your system to dissipate into your blood. You begin to stir in the backseat of his car around the halfway mark home. John spares glances back at you. Looks at you just long enough to catch the drooping of your eyes and the pinched skin between your brows as you grumble and groan. The bindings on your wrists sour the view you create upon the leather seats, but he tells himself it’s just to keep you — his new wife — safe. 

Sweet things like you are known to hurt themselves in their confusion. His deliverance is bound to be petrifying until you make sense of it. Until he can show you the light of safety. Of security. 

His light. 

“W… what?” 

He’s leading you into the cottage — the house he’s always dreamed of — when you finally get your first word out of your mouth. It feels heavy on your tongue. A fat weight that threatens to choke you as you stumble alongside him. 

“Easy now, love,” John coos. “Let’s lay down now.” 

It isn’t until the next morning that you wake with your wits intact. Finally compos mentis, your eyes flutter open and your heart races at the sight of unfamiliar surroundings and an equally unfamiliar man. These walls are too rich to be part of your flat, and you don’t remember the sheets smelling of tobacco. 

A furious ache pounds behind your skull, so much so that you’ve nearly convinced yourself that the scene playing out in front of you is something you’ve hallucinated. John stands in front of you, back turned your direction, as he shamelessly undresses. Worn nightwear is haphazardly tossed into a hamper, and you helplessly witness as the thick muscles in his legs push him towards the dresser. 

He’s tall. Towers over most other men. Squinting, you try to scrounge up a memory of the man. Search for something familiar about him, but there’s nothing. You don’t recognize a single thing about him; not the dark hair that covers his chest and stomach, nor the glinting sapphire hue of his eyes as he turns to face you with a smile, now fully dressed. 

Too scared to move, the only thing you can do is lay there as he approaches the bed. You don’t realize your hands are bound until he grabs them, kneeling on the floor. Your stomach turns as he kisses your knuckles and thumbs over the newly placed ring on your finger. 

“Good morning, my love.” 

This — you learn — is your new life. With a dazzling gem on your finger, and a man who claims to be your husband, you find yourself trapped in a twisted paradise of John’s own creation. You are caught in the transitional period of shock and fear. Your body knows this is not right, and it fills your legs with all the hot blood it needs to flee, and yet you are as rigid as a statue. Frozen beneath John’s adoring gaze as he insists on doing everything with you. 

He dresses you in pale, milky dresses — no jeans allowed, he says. Leading you around the cottage, he introduces you to every room. The living room, the kitchen, the nursery. Each word he speaks has you swallowing and nodding your head, but you can’t help but think why he would feel the need to show you this place if you were truly his wife like he claims. 

Deluded. Erroneous. This man sees love where there is only confusion.

Your fear placates you only until lunch time. Really, it’s John’s fault. He should’ve known that a frazzled woman such as yourself wouldn’t do well around sharp objects. There’s no one to blame but himself for the four tiny holes that dot his bicep. Evenly spaced, the fork prongs don’t make it too deeply into his skin before he grabs your wrist. The muscles in his jaw flex as he huffs, the gentle hue of his blue eyes somehow darkening into something more virulent. 

He drags you into the bedroom after that. Mutters something about how ungrateful you’re being as he pushes you toward the bed. You rage against him as he forces you onto your stomach and lifts the skirt of your dress. The clinking of metal sends your eyes widening, and there is an unforgiving agita that thrashes in your stomach. 

Would it be easier if you were not aware of the brutality that men are capable of? 

“Please don’t,” you beg. “Please, don’t do this. I don’t- I won’t do that again.” You’ve no choice but to beg as your palms push against the mattress, only for you to be shoved back into the bed. “I’m sorry! I swear it!” He’s too strong. “Don’t do this, please…”

You can only sob as he tugs at your underwear, exposing you to him. 

Then comes the leather. Harsh, sharp cracks fill the bedroom as John’s belt crashes against your skin. It stings. The pain settles deep into your flesh until you swear you feel it split. Crack open until it’s raw and screaming just as loud as you. Cries rip through your throat until it’s just as sore as your rump, yet you attempt to stifle your sounds as you press your face into the duvet. Maybe, if you try hard enough, you can suffocate in the sheets. 

He stops after eight. Figures that two strikes for each hole in his skin is plenty. You flinch at the feeling of his hand rubbing over your skin, as if his touch is the only emollient comfort you need after such violence. His weight sinks into the bed as he leans to you. 

“I don’t like doing this, my love,” he whispers. His breath is hot against the shell of your ear, and somehow he sounds sincere. “Please don’t make me do this again in the future.” 

It’s humiliating playing into his fantasy. Of being some sweet, submissive and obedient wife. In a way, that’s all he’s rendered you as. Stuffing you in dresses and aprons while cuddling up to you at night as if you’re long wedded lovers. Yet, you don’t know how to leave. You don’t know how to free yourself from this place, so far out of the clutches of humanity. The only human close by is your false husband, and even then you’re not too sure that claim is true. 

Sometimes, John talks about things as if you were there to witness them. As if you remember them yourself. About you meeting his best mates or quality time spent together walking along the shoreline that skirts the property. He even laments about the honeymoon the two of you shared together. How he still sees visions of you splayed out on the bed before him — he even admits how disappointed he was when you didn’t conceive that night. 

He shares his confession as he forces you to curl up on the couch next to him. His longing words are paired with a lingering hand on your stomach. 

Never before have you wished to reach into yourself and rip out your womb like you do now. 

Despite living in his delusions, John is otherwise kind — so long as you manage not to crack the eggshells that litter the ground around your feet. You are always fed and watered — like any good husband would do for his wife — and the cottage is always warm. The clothes on your back are some of the highest quality you’ve ever worn, and he has not spanked you with his belt since you attacked him with your dinner fork. 

But there is an insidiousness that seeps out of the walls and into the air. It starts with longing gazes that linger on your stomach. Such fixation on your body leaves it riddled with frazzled nerves. You find your fingers trembling at the dinner table as you bring another spoonful of soup to your mouth. 

John watches you and daydreams. It’s obvious what he craves, and still you try to convince yourself things are no different as he rises from his seat. Nothing is different as his hands rest on your shoulders, thumbs digging into the taut muscle of your back. Nothing is different as his hands slip forward, kneading along your breasts until his palms are flat on your stomach. 

Your spoon drops into the bowl with a clink. 

“Come to bed with me, darling,” he whispers, body still hunched over yours. 

So you do, because what other choice do you have? 

It isn’t until John has you stripped bare in front of him — just like he soliloquized to you about your non-existent honeymoon — that you realize you’d much rather face his belt than this. The heat of his skin against yours. The way his chest hair brushes against your nipples. The scratching of his facial hair on the inside of your neck. 

Panic doesn’t truly settle in until his pants come off and you’re able to witness in pure horror just how much he wants you. You watch him with a trembling bottom lip as you lay on your back. Your brain attempts to urge you to flee. It fills your body with more warmth than you can handle, and you fear you’ll melt into the bed long before you find liberation. 

He knocks your legs open with a simple swish of his knee. Brutally cold air hits your sex, only to be smothered with warmth once more as he blankets himself over you. 

“John,” you stutter with chattering teeth. “I… I think I’d like to go to sleep now.” 

It’s as if you made no sound at all. His hips stretch your legs wide, and you can feel the weight of his cock hit the inside of your thighs. Your mind reels; desperately searching for a solution to this impending doom. 

“J-John.” 

“Sleep?” he repeats as if he just now heard you. His words reverberate in your chest as his head dips low into the crook of your neck. “We’ve hardly started.” 

Whatever protest is left inside of you quickly dies down as his lips press against yours. Even the hands you use to attempt to push him away are forced to relent as he weaves his fingers between yours. Intertwined as if you were lovers. 

Then there’s the intrusion. The splitting of your cunt as he pushes into you. John meets resistance inside of you as your muscles tense; every cell in your body detests him. Your breathing stops — breathing is impossible when everything in your body seems to turn to stone. Going from the state of liquid to a solid so quickly leaves your brain fuzzy and unable to think. John groans against your lips at your perceived tightness, and then he continues. 

Tears stain your face as he bottoms out, bodies molding together until you’re flush tight. Your thoughts go blank as this man — your self proclaimed husband — finds his rhythm. It’s nothing but stark white in your brain until there’s an eruption of terror. Of realization. 

The eyes are the window to the soul, and all John’s eyes have done the last few days is dream of a child. Of your swollen belly. 

It’s not your first time sobbing on this bed, and you’re sure it won’t be the last. Grief consumes you as you realize what this terrible union means — of what it will do to you, mind, body and soul. Grunting, John attempts to soothe you. He murmurs little praises into your skin but it means nothing to you. The churning of your stomach drowns out his promises to take care of you and the child he’s about to give you. 

Still, you cry. Any attempts to stifle them are fruitless as your tears seem never ending, and you can’t even muster a false moan. John huffs as he leans back to look at you — nothing but a wet mess. Eyes wrenched shut, head turned to the side as if you can’t stand to look at him. He attempts to continue, to snap his hips against yours, but his movements cease. 

“Really, darling?” he huffs. 

When all you can do is hiccup in response, John pulls out. He shoves himself away from you and slides off of the bed with a bestial growl. Trembling, you turn on your side as you listen to his feet carry him away from the bed. 

“Ruinin’ the fuckin’ mood,” he grumbles. 

After that, he locks himself in the bathroom. When your breathing calms, you’re able to make out faint moans as he finishes himself off. That night, he sleeps facing away from you. 

Convinced that you’ve upset John beyond repair, you find yourself playing into the role of his wife more than you usually would. Going as far as to fake smiles when he enters the kitchen, or even trot off across the vast property to give him a glass of water as he splits wood for the upcoming winter. Your skin crawls. Performing such tasks for this monster that’s trapped you to this pitiful existence is the last thing you wish to do. 

Still, you’re all too wary of how your fate rests in the palm of his hand. 

He does not spit venom at you like he did the night of your failed coitus. There is no shoving you onto the bed to spank you with his belt. In fact, he acts the way he always has. Telling stories that never existed anywhere else other than in fabrication, and holding you close as if he can’t get enough of the touch of your skin. 

For a short while, you are able to live thinking you’ve gone through the worst of it — this life as a bride prisoner. 

It isn’t until you’re brought to the shed that you realize you are sorely mistaken. 

You’re not sure why John has insisted you accompany him outside. There are vague promises of the intention to show you something, yet he refuses to share what. Hand holding yours, he leads you across the soft grass field and to the shed where he stores his work tools. You do not notice the new vehicle parked at the end of the lane, only the bright light that seems to be seeping through the gaps near the doorknob. 

John opens the door to reveal a stranger and a table. He’s tall, nearly scrapes the ceiling with the top of his head — taller than John, even. He watches you with dull eyes as he pursues several metal tools on a small cart. This stranger looks up at you as if you’ve interrupted something important. You had expected simple gardening tools to await you on this side of the entrance, and instead you’re greeted with some macabre horror that sends ice down your spine. Leather restraints. A medical mask over a scarred face. Blue gloves.

You’re hardly able to make sense of the scene before you when something pinches the skin of your arm. It stings worse than a bee, and when you go to swat at the sensation, you suddenly feel the tingling mute. There’s a flash of a needle as John wraps his hand around your waist, and your knees turn to water as he leads you further inside the small wooden structure. 

“This won’t take long, my love,” he whispers to you as if it’s a secret. 

Table. Wood. It hurts your back. Your head. Everything is slow. Obtund. You try to move your limbs but you realize this stranger has already trapped you within the restraints. Something smells sweet. Oddly sweet, and yet clinical. Antiseptic. Iodine. Something. Your head sways as you look for John, but he’s nowhere to be found. 

“Does this hurt?” 

The stranger's question leaves your eyes fluttering. You don’t realize he’s poking your arm with a needle, piercing your skin in the process, until he forces your head to look at it. 

“N-No,” you stutter. 

“Good.” 

You feel the odd pressure of more injections into your body, and eventually you’re so cocainized you can hardly keep a single thought from fluttering between your fingers. 

“What’s… what are you doing?” you slur. 

“Fixin’ you,” the man responds, accent thick and voice scratchy. He’s wearing long sleeves, but you can see the tattoo’s peek out right where the latex of his glove doesn’t quite meet the cloth. “John says you’ve been a bad wife.” 

A cacophony of thoughts flood your brain. Fix you? Like a pet? Like an animal? No, no but he wants children. So then what? What is there to change about you? 

“No… no I’m not his wife,” you babble. “He’s not- he’s just a stranger. He took me. Abduc… ted? Please… you… help me, please.” 

The stranger hums, and you catch the dark glint in his eyes flickering as he looks at the ring on your left hand. 

“Got a ring, don’t ya? Means you’re a wife,” he challenges. Gloved hands press against your forehead, pushing you against the table. Then, he retrieves something that looks akin to an icepick. Thin, long — like a needle. He presents it as if it’s a tool for work instead of a tool for horror. “Hold still, yeah? And keep talking. Wanna make sure I’m not scrambling the wrong parts.” 

It would be easier to say that you don’t remember what happens next — and perhaps you’ve forgotten parts of it — but you do remember. You remember the important bits. The pressure behind your eye as the pick is inserted behind your eyelid. The scraping crunch! of it breaking the thin bone just above your ocular nerve. And then, the cutting. The slicing. Dividing. 

Synapses and neurons, shut off. Brain forcefully compartmentalized. Thoughts and memories separated until there is no more anxiety or fear. 

There is no more you. That woman before is gone, as are her aspirations. That PHD is no longer just out of your reach, but long forgotten. 

You are — as you should be — the perfect wife. 

John Price has never been happier. His wife cooks delicious food and decorates the house to her heart's content with pictures and the wildflowers she picks from the lane outside their home. She always smiles when he enters the room, and returns every kiss he gives her. For some reason, she’s grown rather quiet ever since her procedure. Words seem to fail her, but he doesn’t mind her quietness. The only words she needs to convey are with her loving gaze. 

It’s those little moments that bring him pleasure, but his true joy greets him when he arrives home from a hard day’s work. 

Swaying in the kitchen, child in your arms, you greet John the same way you always do — with a smile. He grins ear to ear as he approaches you, hands resting on your hips as he stares down at his son. A year after your procedure, you blessed him with an heir; a son to nurture and provide for. Only a few weeks old, the babe sleeps soundly in your arms with fluttering eyelids as he dreams. 

“Here darling, let me,” John urges. 

Slipping his son from your arms, you smile up at him before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. Turning around, you continue your work at the stove with swaying hips and a gentle hum — the only skill you seem to remember with your voice is sweet melodies. John doesn’t mind it. In fact, he rather enjoys watching you hum his son to sleep as he feeds upon your breast. 

Bouncing the child in his arms, John smiles to himself as he watches you. Daydreams bearing fruit in reality, he soaks up every moment of this life he’s built for himself. This quiet life he never thought was obtainable until he met you. The woman of his dreams. 

The woman he turned into the perfect wife.

Most creatures wail at the sight of salvation, and you were no different once upon a time ago. A bird always screams when first locked in a cage. But as you motion for him to sit at the table with a fresh plate of food in your hand, John is confident you’ll never cry at his generosity again. 

In the end, caged birds always remember how to sing. 

Touch Me 'Till I Vomit (pet!au) [11]

pet!au | ghoap x fem!reader | tag list

old memories

cw: non-con, PTSD, anxiety, slight suicidal ideation, manipulation, extremely unsafe handling of firearms

No matter how many years pass, Johnny’s still in that tunnel. 

Those damp walls follow him everywhere, and the humidity clings to his body like a second skin. Smothers every pore of his body until it’s screaming for air. Or, is that blood? The substance that trickles down the side of his face, sticky and warm? It envelops the line of his jaw like a tender lover. Like devoted fingers caressing the pain that florescences on the soft side of his skull. He needs the nails to puncture the bone. Seep into the tissue of his brain and remove the anguish that festers like a bad wound. 

A great roaring volume drowns out his senses as hands paw at his chest. He’s shaken like someone attempting to rouse their child from slumber but he doesn’t want to wake up. He needs to seep into the concrete. Liquify and soak into the cold, unforgiving ground, but he won’t. The hands dragging him by his vest refuse to allow it. He can’t die because someone wills it otherwise. Then comes the metal. Tongs and needles; scalpels that slice and tear; saws that grind marrow into dust — it hurts worse than the impact. Worse than an entry wound that bubbles and flattens into a cavern nothing can reach.

When he opens his eyes, there’s nothing but white. Walls, linen, clothes; it’s a blank canvas for him to paint on, and yet he can’t see the image. Gentle shapes and sounds, he tries to remember his cousin’s name but can’t. Wants to shape his mouth into the word but his tongue has forgotten the dance. He can’t remember the number assigned to him when he used to play keeper in football. The memory of his mother’s voice is distorted. Something is broken about his father’s face. He can hardly recall the name of the man always at his bedside. 

Ghost. Is that it? Weird bloke with the mask and dark eyes. There’s vague memories about him. Good ones. Ghost barks at the nurses and doctors who come to see him, always questioning what they’re doing. Why they’re injecting him with certain things. Johnny watches him. Thick fingers clench and relax like waves along the coastline. There is more to his name. It’s shrouded in fuzzy memories. Wading through the static, he plucks the word and lets it sit on his tongue until he’s able to get the useless muscle to move. 

“Simon?” 

Things hurt more after he says that word. That name. Calls upon the devil; sells his soul to a demon with dark eyes and lips that can’t properly curl anymore because of the scar tissue. He fights. Shreds skin with sharp teeth. Doesn’t care who the skin belongs to. Johnny’s regressed. Gone backwards in evolution. Has turned into nothing more than a bad dog locked in a cage, left alone to lick his wounds. Only the clink of his collar keeps him company. 

But the only thing that makes a dog bad isn’t because they bite or bark — it’s that they’re scared. Confused. He flails and howls lamenting cries as he tries to make sense of the collar and cage, or why his name seems to be something he can’t recapture. The only thing that’s there, repeating in his mind like a broken record, is the bullet. Gunshot ringing loud, lead ripping through his cranium; all he knows how to do is fight. Fight dirty. Fight hard. Slicing claws, bared teeth; something in him still craves blood. Still covets the taste of iron in his mouth. 

That desire is siphoned out of him. Drawn free from his body until not a single drop remains. It breaks down and decays in his body until there’s only fuzz left. A distorted reality. Things are better this way. Happier. Now, there’s nothing but that collar and cage and Simon and Simon and Simon and Simon —

“Fuckin’ hell, Soap, wake up!” 

Instead of the unforgiving metal bars of a kennel, Johnny feels a plush mattress. Sheets and blankets twist up his legs like ivy reclaiming some man made structure — something that doesn’t belong — and his limbs thrash in an attempt to free himself. He’s restrained. Thick arms wrap around his torso, pinning his appendages to his chest. Lips press against the shell of his ear as Simon grunts in frustration, attempting to hold his misbehaving dog down. 

“Easy now, easy. Down boy,” he murmurs. 

“Ah need tae go home,” Johnny rambles, hands pawing at Simon’s forearms. His chest heaves. Rib cage expanding just to crush right back into his lungs as he exhales, throat constricting like it suddenly feels the weight of the collar around it. “Need tae go home.” 

Simon shushes him. Demanding fingers grip Johnny’s forearms as he pulls him closer. He’s become a living straight jacket. Yanking back on his mutt’s leash until he calms. Until the storm passes.  

“You are home. Home with me, ‘member?” Simon attempts to coddle. The softness is foreign to his voice, but he tries anyway. “Look, even Bonnie’s here. Yeah? Your sweet bird? Look at ‘er. Look at ‘er, Johnny.” 

Confused eyes peer through the darkness until he finds you standing to the side of the bed, your back against the wall. Your parted lips look heavenly in the dull glow of the moon seeping through the windows, and he finds his heart quelling in his chest. Then he looks at your eyes. Wide as saucers. Dilated. Chest heaving. Breath escaping you. 

“Yeah, you see ‘er now. You’re home with me. Home with Bonnie. Better now?” Simon asks. 

“Ah still feel it. Digging ‘round in mah fuckin’ skull,” Johnny babbles, feet still kicking at the cloth that holds his legs hostage. His teeth grit so tightly he can hardly get the words to flow between them. 

“Need ya to relax, Johnny,” Simon huffs. Frustrated eyes glare at you, and your throat visibly bobs as he motions for you to come back to the bed. “Want Bonnie to help?”

Following Simon’s orders, you crawl onto the mattress. You shuffle along on your hands and knees, head bowed low but your eyes stay on the men in front of you like they’ll bite if you don’t. Johnny sees the trepidation that lurks in your gaze. Can nearly smell it as it collects like sweat on your skin. He doesn’t like it. That fear in your eyes. Are you scared of him? Why do you look at him like that? 

“Good girl, Bonnie,” Simon praises flatly. Without warning, his hand dives into Johnny’s boxers where he greedily palms at his cock. It’s still soft, having no chance to harden, and yet Simon is unrelenting. Johnny feels the urge to jolt, to fight back against the stimulation as he watches you sit back on your haunches, bottom lip quivering. “You want ‘er, dontcha boy? ‘Course you do. You picked ‘er out and everything. Doesn’t she make ya feel better? Feel at home?” 

There’s a dull buzz in the back of Johnny’s mind that attempts to rewire his brain. To slice away the coax seal and bare the metal cords to the damp air of his skull. To weave things until the pain stops. Until things make sense. But that buzz wanes and dies as his cock begins to harden and he becomes drunk on Simon’s words and the way he tugs at him. When he looks back at you, you are excited. Body quivering with anticipation, on your knees waiting for him like there’s nothing else in the world that can satiate your desire but him. 

“Aye. Ah do,” Johnny groans. 

Simon smirks against his ear. 

“Good boy. Go fetch.” 

Johnny eats you alive after that. Takes you while you’re face first into the mattress, cock pumping into your cunt at an abusive pace. You cry this time. You’ve been good about keeping it bottled inside, tears along with it, but seeing him screaming in his sleep has your anxiety high. Watching him thrash like that, curse, and beg. Like he had been possessed. Like he was somebody else. Fear courses through you like it’s the only component that builds the cells of your blood. Guttural sobs and wails are muffled by the way Simon shoves your face into the bedding and barks at you to quiet down. You are thankful that this time he fucks you on the bed. There’s no unforgiving wood to press into your palms or the side of your face as you grieve into the blankets. Still, it hurts all the same. Your cervix splits and bruises, walls stretched impossibly wide as he pistons into you, ripping you apart from the inside. 

He feasts on your cries. Mumbles that you sound so beautiful, moaning like that. 

All for him. 

When Johnny’s finished, he goes back to sleep. Curls around you like a devoted dog, arms lazily slung over you — nothing but dead weight. Before long, both men are snoring while you sniffle and writhe. There is no sleep to be had, not with the wounds that plague you. After so much time spent in the den of these beasts, you were hoping that your skin would become thicker. Calluses would form from use, and eventually this agony would remit. But scars can’t form if you don’t allow the wound to heal, and Simon is all too willing to tear at the scab until you’re bleeding all over again. 

He likes the taste of brine and iron. 

Morning comes and you still haven’t slept. 

It was a foolish idea to believe you could have. Laying with monstrous men and listening to the rattle of their breathing keeps you awake worse than any creature that could go bump in the night. You promise yourself you’ll sleep when they’re awake. You’ll sleep when Simon’s hands are busy working away at the garden and Johnny’s drawing sketches of your motionless body. It’s easier to rest when the sun is up. When you can open your eyes and make sense of your surroundings and not be swallowed by darkness and terror. 

Simon is the first to rise. He always is. Even the sun lags behind him in sputtering rays as he slinks out of the room. His movement is enough to rouse Johnny who finally relinquished his grasp on you in favor of turning to lay on his stomach. You breathe easier without the weight of his arm on your chest, but it does nothing to quell the ache that still burns in the pit of your stomach. That never-healing wound. That scar which will never quite mend. 

You stir when you hear the shower begin to run. Its creaky faucet strains against the old pipes, squealing as the liquid shoots through it. Lifting yourself up, you muffle your groans behind gritted teeth as you slip off the side of the bed. You’ve gotten good at being quiet. Soft as a mouse trotting through rotten walls. As silent as the flap of an owl’s wings in the dead of night. Even as you dress — fresh cloth pulling over soiled skin — there’s nothing, not even a peep, out of you. Johnny huffs, body missing your presence. You ignore him as you leave the bedroom. 

Morning birds chirp in your willow tree. You’ve decided it’s your tree. Beautiful branches, dancing leaves — Simon has Johnny, and Johnny has you, isn’t it only fair that you have something of your own? Finches chatter as they buzz from branch to branch, excited feet scurrying as they chase one another. They peck and chew at berries and nuts they’ve foraged in the bountiful forest that lay beyond the property, and you stand in front of the window for a moment watching them. 

They force an old memory to resurface. Something from when you were a child. A science class lecture that’s been buried in the grey matter of your brain for so long it had almost gotten lost. Evolutionary pressure. Finches are an example of this. Darwin’s finches, especially. They’re diverse. Changing for better survival. There are some with fat, wide beaks, others with small, dainty growths. Animals evolve fast to adapt and survive. To endure the earth and her cruel games. 

You wonder if you could test this on yourself. Stress your body to the point it has no choice but to morph into something stronger. Something better. If you climbed to the top of this house, or the ridge of those trees, and jumped, would you survive? Would your body scream and cry out for you to change and sprout wings before you hit the ground? Before you’re caught in Johnny’s maw for good? Is this just some foolish notion? Would you just shatter on the pavement below? 

Your sigh mixes with the chirping, free and sovereign. Either way, it would not be an issue for you anymore if you failed. Your wounds would never heal, but you’d be too dead to care about it. 

Simon’s shower turns off with a squeak and the sound snaps you back to reality. This is all a facade. You are not a bird, you are not a woman, you are a pet — nothing more. 

Knowing breakfast is soon to follow, you preemptively wander toward the dining room. If there is one thing to be grateful for in this meticulously crafted hell of yours, it is that you are well fed. There is no such thing as going hungry under Simon’s careful watch. He is not a good man — a good person — but he at least knows how to take care of his pets. You turn into the room —

— there is a gun on the table. 

Solvent hangs faintly in the air next to bottles of cleaners and old toothbrushes that dot the tabletop. It’s the same set up you recall seeing a few weeks back when Simon cleaned his rifle — when he reminded you that hunting season is fast approaching — but there is no rifle on the table. A hand gun sits in its place, resting on its side, aimed toward the wall. It’s not gutted. Each spring and screw lies perfectly in place. Primed. Ready to kill. 

It’s a proper handgun. At least, you think it is. Not one of the six shooters you always see portrayed in old American Western films. It’s deadly. Something officers or Army men would use. Your stomach sinks as you approach it, like it’ll decide to discharge from a mere glance alone. Sleek black metal covers the frame and grip, making it all look uniform, save for some wear and tear scratches. Some of the scratches look deep — long and gnarly gashes like the item itself had been through hell and back. You reach a hand out, floating and careful; your fingertips brush against the grip; wary, like it’ll bite.

“Shouldn’t be touchin’ that.” 

Retracting your hand, you jump as Simon’s voice cuts through the air with as much venom as a viper. You step back as your eyes jump to look at him. Shirtless, skin still freshly wet, he stands like a drowned barbarian as he stares at you. An apology bubbles up in your throat, but you won’t let it escape. You keep it trapped in your larynx as he slowly approaches with feet more quiet than you could ever wish to be. 

“Ever seen one before?” he asks. He crowds you, forces you back another step as he reaches for the pistol. Large hands dwarf the metal frame as he turns it over in his palm, showing it off. “A gun like this?” 

You shake your head. Knives are plenty common in England, but handguns? Something other than a hunting rifle? You thought handguns were banned. Though, Simon’s never been one to shy away from illegal acts. 

“Yeah. Didn’t think so. Fittin’ for a civilian,” he chuckles with crass humor. 

Simon does something unthinkable — he hands you the gun. 

There’s nothing but care as he holds it out, grip faced toward you, muzzle off to the side pointing at neither of you. Your heart leaps into your throat, swells in your esophagus, and then throbs. All you can do is stare. It stares back. Screams at you. You’re all too aware that this item acts not only as your executioner, but as your ticket out of this place. 

“Take it,” he urges. 

Like always, you obey. It feels too thick in your palm, and when he lets go, it’s heavy, much more than you could have anticipated it to be. Everyone in the movies always wields them so flippantly — as if they’re light as air — but the weight it holds screams its deadly intent. Simon’s fingers brush against you, adjusting your grip, and you try not to grimace at the feeling of his skin and tainted metal against your hand. 

“Is it loaded?” you question. You don’t know why you ask it. Maybe you want to know so you can be wary. To not hurt yourself. Or maybe you want to know so you can see if the risk raging in the back of your mind is worth taking. 

“Dunno,” Simon shrugs. Once more, he repositions you. Gently prods your hand higher and higher, elbow bent, muzzle resting against your temple. Maneuvers your pointer finger until it’s hooked around the trigger. A dead woman walking, he forces you to stand there with the gun to your head. “Wanna find out?” 

What a cruel world this is. The earth with her singing birds and sprouting flowers and bright blue skies, and you’ve hardly been able to enjoy any of it. All it has been is pain, and here you are wondering if you’ll ever get the chance to heal from it. Your heart thumps like an amateur drummer; without sense and rhythm. It demands to be heard. Forces you to listen to his cacophonous melody as it drowns the rush of blood in your ears. Your finger twitches, and the trigger gives way, but not enough for anything to happen. 

“C’mon. We’ll get you matchin’ with Johnny, huh? Ugly fuckin’ scar on the side of your head.” As he says it, he eyes the spot where the mouth of the gun meets your trembling flesh. He says it like he’s already imagining the gaping hole. “Pull the trigger, Bonnie.” 

It can’t be loaded. You’re certain of it. There’s no way he would leave something that dangerous around within reach. But it’s so heavy. As if it’s crammed to the brim with bullets ready to riddle your body full of holes. Your breathing stutters. Seizes the muscles of your chest and forces them to jitter. You stare at Simon’s chest. Nothing but pale, thick skin stares back at you. If you pull the trigger, you might paint him red. Red and pink and yellow. You wonder if that’s what he wants. If the feeling of water never feels as warm or embracing to him as fresh blood does. 

“I told you to pull the fuckin’ trigger.” 

Panic writhes in your stomach — you don’t want to die yet. 

Click!

The hammer strikes against nothing and dry fires. It rings louder than the terror in your mind and the vibrations that rattle your trembling body as your arm gives out, gun lowering away from your head. Of course it’s empty. How stupid of you to think of anything different. Simon would never allow you to leave before he’s ready to let go. 

When Simon laughs, your stomach lurches so fiercely you nearly vomit. Once you’re able to force yourself to face him, you’re met with the largest smile you’ve ever seen him wear. Crooked teeth sit between scarred lips as he swipes the gun out of your limp fingers. Taking a step back, he nods; utterly amused. It isn’t long before that sneer wipes off of his face and he’s back to wearing that biting, stoic expression he always does. 

“Atta girl,” he huffs. 

Sliding the gun into the waistband of his sweatpants, Simon saunters past you into the kitchen, leaving you to stand alone next to the table. Unstable knees nearly give out as your palms slap against the top, slowly dragging your body into a rickety chair. It hurts to sit, soreness jolting through your core with unforgiving electricity, but you refuse to make a sound. You sit there with tears welling in your eyes as you try to forget the way deadly metal feels in your hand. 

This is Simon’s greatest round of torture yet. He’s given you the keys meant to aid in your escape, but he’s changed all the locks. You bite into your bottom lip to get it to stop quivering. After living here, you’ve learned pain is the best enforcer. Only, it doesn’t quite work as well when it’s self-inflicted. 

Another click sounds, and you wince at it. Holding your breath, you wait for something else to follow — a sonic boom, a scream, a death rattle — but the only thing you hear is the sizzling of bacon on a hot pan as Simon prepares breakfast.