Selena: As Top In This Relationship, I Think We Should-

🦇Bruce Wayne Headcanons 🦇

- Bruce wears reading glasses and puts them on whenever he needs to see something up close, so there’s a good chance if you walk in the bat cave you will see Batman squinting through a pair of cheap reading glasses at the bat computer.

- He smells good, but as he’s gotten older he’s beginning to smell like an old man.

- You cannot tell me Bruce has the loudest ringtone on earth and he stalks his whole family ( Including Red Hood) on Life360.

- “Live Laugh Love”

- He will try to use words to seem hip in front of his kids and it fails horribly. Example:

(Bruce picks Damian up from school)

Bruce: How was your day today, son?

Damian: tch. not too irritating, I guess.

Bruce: That’s very poggers.

Damian: 🤦

Jason : *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Bruce: Mind your language!

Jason : What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Bruce*bruce looking unimpressed but speechless*: …….

Stephanie : You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Duke: *starts to leave patrol at sundown*

*an explosion is heard from nearby area*

Gotham Citizen: What was that?

Duke: The sound of someone else's problem.

Bruce: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Stephanie: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Bruce: ….

Bruce: What?

Stephanie: I need to feed my Neopets!

Tim: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Steph: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Tim: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Cass: Actually I did the math, Steph would have $225, not $0.15.

Steph: Fam I’m right here....

Dick: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Tim: while you’re there could you buy me an Apple juice please?

Dick: Sorry I only have a dollar

Tim: :(

Cass: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Steph would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Dick: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apple juice

Cass: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Jason: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Cass: Apple juice to what

Damian: Directly to the forehead

Steph: Great chat everyone

Dick: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Jason: Stop romanticizing the past.

Luke : dad! My face is on fire!

Lucius: Luke ! Are you ok?!

Luke : Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Lucius : But your face is on fire.

Luke : Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

Dick: Time for plan G.

Stephanie : Don’t you mean plan B?

Dick: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Tim: What about plan D?

Dick: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Cass : What about plan E?

Dick: I’m hoping not to use it. Jason dies again in plan E.

Damian : I like plan E.

Dick: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Dick: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Harper: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise

Bette: I beg to differ

Harper: Then Beg